Week 32
One Sick Puppy

Yup, that's me. I'm sick, have been since the weekend. Nothing serious, mostly it is like the flu with a low grade fever, with some other symptoms just to keep things interesting. I've been thinking that I should go swimming tomorrow afternoon, mostly to get the creaks out of my body by floating in the water. The bathtub just isn't deep enough! And in Phoenix, this time of year, the pool will be like a hot bathtub, only with chlorine instead of bath salts. I can take it.

The Mango Treats (see below) were a great hit these last few days. Wonderful idea. I'm going to try to make up some more in the next week or so.

Otherwise, if you aren't seeing posts here or at Trivium or Glimpse, it's because I'm sleeping most of the day. And having some weird dreams, but I'm blaming them on the fever.

Later!

Week 32
Extremely Optimistic!

Those of you who are struggling through personal changes, whether you are working to lose weight, quit smoking, or any other personal improvement project, you know how discouraging it can be to go through a time of setbacks. I'm feeling very happy today, not just because of my weigh loss yesterday. This morning, my normal weigh-in day, I went into the kitchen and saw the scales still sitting on the floor, and hopped on. I didn't expect any change from yesterday, so imagine my JOY when I realized I'd lost another pound. I'm not recording this weight, so that additional loss isn't official (at least not until next week) but it is enough to make me a very happy camper tonight. Very happy.

So, tonight I decided to make my own treats up. When I was at the grocery, I purchased this items as my variation on a Weight Watcher's recipe I found this week for ice cream sandwiches. Here it is:

Ingredients:
30 ginger snaps
1/2 c mango sorbet

Instructions:
1. Warm 1/2 c sorbet enough to scoop.
2. Scoop 1 tbs of sorbet on a cookie and top with another cookie.
3. Place in freezer bag and place in freezer until firm, at least one hour.

Servings: 5 (3 sandwiches) Points: 3

Tip: To reduce the points even further, select cookies that are lower in points.

Week 32

WONDERFUL NEWS: I'VE LOST AGAIN!

I wasn't planning to weigh myself until tomorrow, but I thought that I would check and see what direction things are going today, and I got such good news that I decided to make it official. After 5 weeks of floundering, of weight gains and lost focus, and even before I had really sat down to think all of this through -- I've got a 1.5 pound weigh loss. That puts me about where I was on week 28, and 1/2 pound from my lowest weight to date.

I think the tide has turned.

One thing I've been doing this week is forcing myself to drink water. I put a 20 oz glass in the bathroom, and every time I stop in, I've forced myself to fill it and drink it. Needless to say, that has caused me to return to the bathroom more times than usual during the day, which means I've been drinking A LOT thes last few days. And with the summer heat in Phoenix, this is a good thing so I can avoid even a bit of dehydration, not to mention that I think it has had a positive effect on how my body has been working.

I still need to take some time to think about the lack of focus and get myself refocused, and I've scheduled some time for that on Friday afternoon, out of the office. I'll let you know what I discover during this time.

But in the meantime, I'm thrilled.

Week 31
Taking This Very Seriously

I still seem to be in a plateau, and I sense that I'm doing/not doing things that are contributing to it. This is more than just a normal physical phase I'm going through -- it's involving my thoughts and emotions. Like I said in an earlier post, I seem to have lost my focus. I've lost my appetite, too. I'm not eating nearly enough. Isn't that strange? I'm forcing myself to drink most of my water each day.

I am not sure what is happening, but I'm taking this very seriously. I'm not skating through it with an "oh well" attitude. I'm not sure what I need to do. I thought tonight about the idea of returning to meetings, and I might do that. I'll decide next week. But I suspect that I just need to really sit myself down and examine my goals again, and decide again that this is the route I'm committed to taking. Maybe I'll learn something about what I'm resisting through this process. Maybe I'll have a new revelation.

I'm totally swamped with work right now, and will be for about another week. I don't want to ignore what is going on, but at the same time, I've got enough on me right now without adding to it. I'm going to hit the grocery this afternoon and get enough good stuff that is easy to fix to get me through this deadline crunch, and then, I'm going to take a day off and work this out.

In an interesting note, I found the most wonderful recipe on the Weight Watchers site today. I'm not sure if they will let the link work, but I've tried. I don't have the time to fix it this week, but who knows... maybe the day that I take off for myself and my goal setting could start off with this wonderful breakfast.

Week 31
Stages of Change

Well, I am a bit low on points, but overall, its' been a good food day. I don't feel like my focus is back, but then, I'm not so worried about how I feel. As long as I act according to the plan, the feelings will eventually come around. Feelings come and go, but action is where a lifestyle happens. Healthy actions = healthy lifestyle, even when things are in a slump. I've had a lot of pressure on me these last few weeks, and will for another two weeks. So I suspect that my feelings are being influenced by this. All I can do is keep going, and do my best to remember what it felt like when things were in focus.

Many years ago (more than 10), I ran across some information about changes, the stages that a person goes through during any change. I used to teach this in my journal writing workshops, and I have used it at work on every single project I've ever done. I don't know who came up with this idea to give them credit. I got this idea from someone else, but I've made it my own.

Stages of Change

1. Unconsious Incompetence The first stage of every change happens before you make any change. You are going along, life as normal, not knowing that you need to make a change, or that a change is around the next corner.
   
2. Consious Incompetence The second stage of every change is that awkward time when you are painfully aware that something is wrong, but you don't yet know what to do with it. You don't know how to solve the problem or what to do. You may need additional information, and you are in the process of deciding what course of action to take.
   
3. Consious Competence The third state of any change is the time when you are focusing on your new ideas and new skills, and stumbling a bit as you use them. It takes your ongoing effort for you to keep fighting your old ways to make the change happen. You must catch yourself doing your old behavior or thinking your old thoughts so you can decide to do your new thoughts and behaviors. This is the time when your old habits are being broken down, and your new habits feel awkward. Hang in there -- things will get better!
   
4. Unconsious Competence The last stage of any change is the successful completion of the change. You recognized a problem, you resolved it, and you have learned the new skills, information and habits you need to go back to just living your life without thinking about this change. Thanks to your work in the third stage, your new behavior has become a habit. Hurray!

For a while, I've been in stage 3, where my new healthy lifestyle habits are being formed, and they are replacing my old unhealthy habits. It's hard to tell, sometimes, when things are easier because you are backsliding, or things are easier because you have worked hard and now the new habits are really kicking in. In both situations, you may feel good, things feel easy. But one is a healthy place to be, and the other, well, the other needs more work and attention.

Some part of my new lifestyle are still in stage 3, and a few have really graduated to stage 4. I suspect that the overall length of time to make this huge change and to be totally out of stage 3 is longer than the 31 weeks I've been doing this. I don't know how long it will take me, and I think this will be different for everyone. But what is important, I think, is to understand where you are in the change process, and to understand that all of this takes time. After all, I didn't put the weight on in 31 weeks... and it would be unreasonable for me to expect to have my healthy lifestyle completed in a short time.

Week 31
Starting To Figure It Out

After two consecutive weeks with gains, I'm very pleased to announce that I've gained 0 pounds this week! I've also lost 0 pounds this week. And I'm happy about it.

It's been a month now since I've had a weight loss, and I can tell you, something is very different these last weeks. It's not just the results, something in my thinking is also different. I've lost my focus on my goal. I've been eating just to stop feeling hungry, not to create a balanced meal that meets my body's real needs. Not all of the time, and I'm not eating horrible things. But I've not been on target in my head, the target being a healthy lifestyle. Food and eating have been a hinderance, an annoyance, to the rest of my schedule. I have to tell you, that is part of the attitude that got me into this mess in the first place. So it isn't surprising that the old way of thinking has found a way back into my life.

I am going to think and write more about this later, because I believe it is important for me to understand this part of me better. Taking care of myself isn't some annoying thing that I have to do before I can do the things I really want to do. Taking care of myself is part of joy of daily living, at least that is what it used to be, and what I want it to be. Whether that is grooming, or even keeping my household running smoothly, all of these things are vital and important for my lifestyle.

I'm just grateful that I've realized what is going on inside my head. And I'm grateful that I didn't gain any more last week. I'm going to get past this roadblock, and keep making my life into what I want it to be. That's my promise to myself. I'm not giving up, I'm not throwing in the towel (that beautiful red Ralph Lauren towel, that is!), and I'm not letting a little hurdle break my stride.

More soon!

Week 31
Dieting News

I've just been out reading at Big Fat Blog, and boy, do they have some interesting articles. If you haven't been there, or haven't been there for a while, I think you will enjoy your reading time.

Week 30
A Reward Idea

I'm going to spill the beans... I've got an idea for a new reward for when I reach my goal. It's something that I have honestly never considered doing before, and in fact, it is something that I used to think only, ahem, rednecks did. (I'm sorry if my use of such a term offends someone!) I'm considering getting a tattoo on my bod, a small piece of body art in a place that I've not seen for years because of all of the extra weight. I haven't decided for sure, but the idea is getting more and more attractive all the time to me. I'm not even sure what I would put on me, but I'm thinking something small and meaningful, like maybe a small butterfly to symbolize the transformation aspect of my reaching my goal.

No decision will be made about this until I actually reach my goal. But if I do it, I'll post a pic here, I promise!

Week 30
Catching Up

It's late, but I want to post just a few things:

Veggie burgers -- YUM! I loved them... I only have 1 pattie left and plan to eat that one tomorrow. I'm going to try the other brands recommended by visitors, but even these Gardenburger Mushroom I loved.

Today's points: way below again. If you read here, you know that I have spent plenty of time wanting to eat more, but that wanting was more of a nervous kind of eating, not about hunger. Right now, I seem to be eating when hungry. I'm grateful for that! So my plan to eat more at breakfast didn't work today, but I'm going to keep trying. It's hard for me to want to eat much in the morning -- a little bit and I'm happy. Maybe I will try to add a mid-morning snack instead of eating it all at once.

Water consumption is still below what it should be, what it used to be. I'm working on this, too.

Working all weekend, taking Monday off.

One last thing -- I encouraged Debbie at Rites of Passage to reward herself for small goals along the way. She asked for some suggestions. Here is a reposting of my comment with some ideas of things that I do for myself.

Hey, glad to give you some starters. I try to avoid money rewards, just because I don't want to replace ONE kind of problem with another (debt)!

What I treat myself with:

A long soak in the tub, with nice smelling stuff, time to really apply lots of lotion, maybe even a facial mask, a few pages of a good book... A sort of mini-spa.

A trip window shopping for beautiful things. I like to spend a few hours walking in the galleries in Scottsdale... the art is way to expensive to even consider buying, but it is beautiful and it gives my heart a lift.

I slip away to a favorite coffeeshop with great atmosphere and drink a TEA (iced in the summer) and write in my journal. And watch people. And listen to live music, usually a guy playing acoustic guitar.

I slip away for a couple hour drive alone in my truck. Since I live in the center of a huge metro area, it takes a while on the highway to reach the open desert. So I drive for an hour or so, stop, get a drink, walk around, take some pictures, and drive back. Nothing relaxes me more than being able to see all the way to the horizon! The wonderful Arizona scenery is just icing on the cake.

New used book shopping. We have a wonderful used book store here, and I will go through my bookshelf and pull out some books that I won't read again, and I trade them in for store credit. I can usually take in a few books and swap them for a few different ones at the store. New books, and they are FREE! Love it. And I have a few hours of looking at things that are interesting -- I skim through a bunch of books before selecting the ones that will go home with me.

Make a short list of things that make you happy, it can be anything simple, and then schedule a bit of it.

Week 30
What I'm Learning

This has been an interesting week thanks to the things I'm learning about my eating from my online Weight Watchers journal. Well, maybe just one big thing: I'm not eating enough. Every day this week, I've had 7 or more points left over at the end of the day, some days as high as 10 or more. What's up with this? And have I always been under points? I suspect that being under would be a reason why my weight loss has been slighly slower, and I suspect it is a factor in my recent plateau (which I hope is now over).

I'm a bit shocked to realize that I need to eat more points. I mean, I've always thought that the reason I put on the weight was because I either a) ate too much, or b) ate things that were too point laden. I don't have any way to know about the past, except for the past two weeks, and I can tell you that I haven't reached the top of my goal points any day during this time.

I'm not holding back, I'm not starving myself to try to lose faster. In fact, I'm not recording most of my food intake until the end of the day, so I don't even know I'm under until the day is over. There isn't any chance I'm forgetting things. I believe I'm getting a totally accurate point count.

So, knowing this, what am I going to do now?

First, I'm going to beef up my breakfast eating. I've been averaging 2 points each morning, and loving my breakfast. But of all my meals, breakfast has the fewest points by far. I'm not sure right now what I will switch to, but a change is needed.

Second, I'm going to make sure that I only have one salad a day. Sure, they are great, tasty, and filling, but they are low in points. Maybe I can start adding some goopy stuff, like cheese or avacado to them, to bulk them up a bit without increasing the size. Eating avacado would hardly be a hardship!

Third, I'm going to look back at what I used to eat, and see if there is anything that I eliminated from my meals that I might want to bring back. Pizza will be an option when it is cooler outside, and it is high in points. But until then... I don't know. I'll think about it.

What a strange "problem" to have. I thought only recovering anorexics and actors preparing for unusual roles had to force feed themselves! But here I am, an unlikely member of that group. But this is only a slight adjustment for me, not an all-out pigfest.