Week 57: I'm Struggling

I didn't report in on Monday after I weighed myself because I was discouraged. In spite of my best efforts, I gained 1.5 pounds this week.

I was discouraged by this because I was careful during the holiday weekend. I watched my portions, and I didn't eat any sort of dessert or sweets. Even with those good choices, I gained.

I was so discouraged by this small gain that I considered throwing in the towel on the entire project. Now that I've had a few days to think, I'm surprised that my reaction was so strong. I was really ready to give up because of the results, even though I knew my week was a total success based on my behavior. Wow. I've got some rethinking to do.

What's important is my behavior, my lifestyle change, and NOT the results. I do expect the results to follow my behavior, but in a more general way. I'm not changing my behavior to get results--I'm changing my behavior because I want a better life.

The truth is that I'm still not completely on my new program. I'm half way there, but I'm still not sure what I can eat, how much I can eat, and other things. At meal times, I'm floundering a bit. I know this will get better and I just have to be patient with myself. I also have to give myself a bit more time at meal times to figure things out. Too often, I'm waiting too long to eat, then I'm starving, and the frustration of figuring out what I should eat gets added to the top of that stack. That's the behavior I need to adjust.

I also need to have different groceries available. I want to start my days with a piece of fruit and yogurt like I used to have. I need to make sure I have these things available.

So there is a bit of re-engineering of my lifestyle that needs my attention, things that support my eating need more time to settle into the new habits.

So in spite of my frustration and out-of-bounds reaction to this week's gain, I'm still in the game. I'm still committed to my lifestyle change. My head is back to solving puzzles instead of complaining and looking for a way out.

It's the small decisions, day in and day out, each meal of my life, where I choose to win. And I'm still choosing to win.

Week 56: The Honeymoon is Over (Already)

I had hoped the honeymoon would last a little longer.

The last few days, I'm cranky. I'm tired of being hungry.

I'm hungry because I'm still working out the details of what I can eat, how much I should eat, and how to feed myself.

And I'm fighting off the flu.

I even weighed myself mid-week as a sort of bribe. I thought that if I had actually lost a couple pounds, that fact might motivate me to tolerate my perpetual hungriness. Except it backfired because I had gained a pound. Serves me right for trying to cut corners and wanting the ends to justify the journey.

This low-level misery is my own fault. And I'm going to let it motivate me to dig in faster and harder into the program so I'm set up, educated, and starting to build routines.

I really do want to do this. Now, I just need to make it happen.

Week 56: Catching Up

I'm so glad that I'm back here.

I love the new layout of the blog, and I've spent some pre-sleep time re-reading my blog.  Wow. I'm surprised by how much I'm the same and how much I've changed.

So many of the things I set out to learn at the start of this journey, I've accomplished. I have come a long way toward creating my healthy lifestyle. I'm feeling very grateful for the road I've traveled.

I was quite scared at the start, and I'm so glad I expressed that here.

Today, my goal is to be equally honest and open about what challenges me today. I'm sure that the journey will be quite interesting in new ways.

I am eager to watch the days and weeks unfold before me.

Week 56: Off And Running

My first few days have been really great. I've been busy and I've gotten a lot done.

• I'm back on Weight Watchers online.
• I've spruced up my blog.
• I've inventoried the food in the house (and said goodbye to a few items).
• I took my before photos.
• I've weighed in twice!
• I've lost weight!

The best part is that I feel like I'm back to something I really enjoy. I realize now that I truly had created a lifestyle that I loved. My problem was that I stopped paying attention, and over time, slivers of it started slipping away.

The next time I feel like I've reached a sort of graduation point, I need to create a simple structure for checking in. I'm not sure right now what that will look like, but I'm confident I will figure it out.

Oh, and last week, I made a big pot of my sloppy joe recipe. It's really, really good if you are looking for something delicious, home cooked, and health friendly.

Very soon, I'll be posting my updated weight chart with my first week's loss.

And I'll be posting by before picture taken last week.

Week 55: The Whole Truth

Hello.

I'm surprised that I'm back here.

I never really thought about my relationship with the blog or the future of my healthy lifestyle improvement. I rather thought I would just drift into healthy habits and it would take on a life of its own. Maybe I was dreaming. Or maybe I just wasn't being realistic.

Finding My Way Back

So here's the story about why I'm back.

Last week, I decided to stop by Blogger and visit this blog. It's marked anonymous and isn't part of my basic online presence. I've done that deliberately so I have a private place online. That way, I feel I can talk freely about what's on my mind. And I thought it was time to stop by.

I knew that Blogger had been through several upgrades, and I knew my blog template was broken. So while I was glancing around, I got the smart idea that I could spend 15 minutes and add an updated template to the existing content. So I did that and walked through all of the pages to see how the new template had worked out.

That's when I landed on my weight chart page.

In a quick glance, I thought there must be some mistake. Certainly those were not the real numbers! Certainly there was some mistake. That's when reality hit be right between the eyes.

In the nearly 7 years that I've been gone, I've developed a personal myth about this effort. Reality had gotten fuzzy and I was telling myself a story. And my story didn't match up with the facts.

Either that, or someone broke into my blog and changed my weight chart!

Facing My Truth

I was shocked to realize that I had rewritten history so that I had regained much less of the weight loss this blog reports. The truth is, I've regained about half of the weight! I had no idea that was the truth. And that truth stunned me.

Over the last two month, I realized I had dropped nearly 15 pounds. Then, I watched myself yo-yo with the last 4 pounds. They came off. They went back on. They came off again... I realized that my dreamy idea that maybe the rest of my weight will drop off on its own went up in smoke.

Then, to realize I had actually regained so much of the original loss... Well, I was stunned.

So in a moment, I made some new choices.

I realized that I can't wish the weight off. It takes a little more focus and concentration. So I decided to rejoin Weight Watchers online and start putting a little more attention on this area of my life. Especially since I regret gaining so much of the original loss.

So here I am. I'm back on WW online. I've weighed myself for the start (new weight chart coming soon!). I'm giving myself a week to sort through the food already in the house. (It's mostly good!) And I'm going to spiff up this blog and return with all of the passion I have for improving the overall quality of life I want for myself.

So here we go!

Welcome. You have a ring side seat for chapter 2 of my online journey.

Being Real

As I look back over the last week (and last month), I feel the need to sit myself down and have a heart-to-heart. What exactly is going one with this maybe-I'm-back and maybe-I'm-not action going on here?

My brain would tell you a lot of stories and a lot of reasons for my half-hearted attempts. But that sentence contains the whole truth. It's not inside the stories, its the fact that I'm only half-heartedly into this.

So what's up with that?

I realized a few months back that I was actually scared to start back to my exercise regimine, which is JUST WALKING, because the last time I resumed walking, I developed serious complications from my previous surgery. Even though I know that won't happen again, I realized that I had this fear lurking back there.

OK, it's been revealed for being irrational, and now it's not lurking. I choose to walk into that fear. What else?

There is a part of me that wants to avoid being completely responsible for myself. I want to be, oh, 90% responsible, but I think I'm really waiting for someone to come along and fix me and my life. Let someone else do the hard work in these areas where I'm slipping. I'm doing the hard work in most areas anyway. Isn't that enough?

Sure, if I want to only reach 90% of my goals, and only be 90% happy at max. I can never reach MY goals through someone else's effort, and I can never be happy based on someone else's effort.

I've got a little bit of resistance going on. But it's not just in this area. I do the same thing with my laundry, my closets, and my housecleaning. I try to cut corners. I'm not willing to empty out the file drawers, sort through the files, and return only what I need in good order. Instead, I open the drawer, pull out things that are obviously misfiled or outdated, and close the drawer. I don't want to look that closesly. It's too overwhelming.

I know that I can't accomplish a major clean sweep through all of my life in a short period of time, but the truth is, I want to be a person who does sweep clean.

The last two days, I've taken almost everything out of my office, moving it to the living room. I've sorted things, and taken most of it back in. But some is still sitting around in the living room, and some of it has found its way to the trash. Because of the amount of stuff I have in my house and heart and mind, I might not be able to clean sweep everything on this pass, but I can attach most of it, and leave the remaining bits for a later sort and toss session. I'm only putting back what I know is valuable and useful. I'm open to tossing the rest, trusting that I truly won't miss it, and I will gain extra physical space, mental space, and even emotional space, for my life.

The same with my healthy lifestyle. I don't have to start out walking 2+ miles each day. It's enough to start out walking a single mile, and adding to that as I build up and gain the desire for more. Some of these folders from my file drawers that are in the living room contain valuable things, I'm sure. But I can put them in a box of things to sort, and one day a week, I can attack that box. I can sweep clean.

I'm glad I've gotten to the heart of this.

I've Started, Sort Of

My life has been so crazy lately that I've not exactly followed through on my restart. I still haven't weighed in, but I've been eating right! I keep thinking I should just weigh in any day to have a starting number. The perfectionist in me (yes, she's still there) says to wait until next Monday. When I forget, it's the next Monday, and the next.

If I don't weigh in next Monday morning, I promise myself that I'll weigh in as soon as I realize that I forgot. It's a new habit to start. And you can keep me accountable.

I'm slowing updating the website. Unfortunately, I can't seem to get the tabs across the top working yet. I've resigned up at Topica for a newsletter service. I expect the first issue will come out in March. I'm trying to get my Blogrolling setup, but I can't remember my login or password (even though I've got them set up on another blog!) So bear with me. I'm doing good just to have things running off of the next computer. The old computer is still sitting right next to it, two monitors side-by-side, while I find things on the old that belong on the new. Which happens a couple of times each day.

Otherwise, I'm doing really well with my lifestyle changes this week. After working too much last week, I'm really taking good care of myself this week. I'm going to be bed early so I can sleep long and still get up close to my normal time. I went to the grocery and stocked up on healthy foods, so I have lots of options when I do get hungry. I'm yawning now, so I'm about to head off the computer for the day. I'll spend the evening catching up on laundry, cleaning... you know the rest.

What A Week!

Did anyone else have the same week I had last week? Everything turned out A-ok in the end, but the journey was like a Fear Factor obstacle course. No bruises, no scrapes, nothing as serious as a broken bone, but BOY-o-BOY it was a tough time.

Every day had its surprises for me. They were mostly the routine type of things that can go wrong, the kind of things that might happen once every five years or longer, and yet they all managed to happen at approximately the same time. They showed up, one right after the other. At one point, I thought I should be taking notes because it was an incredible story, something that was such a comedy of errors that it would be hilarious in hindsight. But while I was living it, I was a struggle to let go of the irksome points and really focus on the positives. And there were positives. Throughout the week, people everywhere helped me out, whether they realized they were helping, or whether I asked for help (which I did frequently). People last week were fabulous in my life. Inanimate objects, on the other hand, were not so friendly.

But I made it through. I even managed to make a pot of my famous sloppy joe mix, which I've now been enjoying at least one meal a day for most of a week. I'm not sick of it yet, but I'm eyeing the last container in the fridge, thinking that one should go to the freezer. Perhaps I'll do that tonight before I hit the sack.

I did not managed to get weighed in last week, but am hoping to do that this week. Don't ask me what obstacle course ran past that goal, just laugh me with and know that it was a doosey.

Watching Myself

Over the last few weeks, I've found that I'm watching myself. The closer I get to my official restart date (Monday!) the more watching I'm doing. It's hard to be objective about yourself, and its hard to see yourself the way that someone else can see you.

What I'm trying to do it see myself as clearly as possible. I'm trying to assess how I'm doing with my current lifestyle. I'm measuring how much of my lifestyle is healthy and supports the direction I want to go, and how much of it drags me in the other direction. Or, how much of it doesn't seem to contribute, because I also want to weed out the uncontributing things in my life.

The pace of my daily living is speeding up. I'm not complaining, there are some really great changes going on for me. It's a good problem to have! I'm aware that I'm having to adjust, and I'm making some changes. For example, my month-at-a-glance format daily planner format isn't giving me enough space to keep track of things anymore. For years, that has been good enough. Now, I need a week-at-a-glance. So I've just purchased my second set of daily planner inserts for 2006.

What I'm watching mostly has to do with how much time I spend taking care of myself vs. working vs. doing things that don't contribute. Am I getting some quiet space at the start of my day, or am I getting up and staggering to the keyboard? Am I taking short breaks in the day to take care of things around the house, running errands and such, or am I just working straight through? And am I spending time vegging out in front of the TV instead of spending time on my personal projects? I don't mind watching a bit of TV, but really, how many TV shows can I really watch in a week and still feel that my priorities are towards my personal projects?

All of this watching is really about observing my priorities in action. Am I living according to the priorities I say I want for this stage in my life? Or am I acting on a different set of priorities? I'm looking for the evidence that lets me know how on-target I am with my lifestyle decisions.

Last night, I suddenly got this craving for a rich milkshake. I don't keep anything remotely similar to that in the house. I was tempted to jump in the truck and grab one. That idea turned into deciding to go to the grocery where I could also pick up some sorbet which would sort of satisfy that craving. But in the end, I opted to stay in the house and go to bed early. I was exhausted and have been waking up tired. I decided that I could slip in a trip to the grocery during the day today, and decide on the sorbet/milkshake options in the daylight. I make my best decisions in the daylight, when I'm focused and rested.

I'm Back -- and Living Large!

Hello everyone!

It's been such a journey since my last post. I've been through some rough life changes, and I've arrived on the other side with my heart healing and growing again. I'm remembering how to dream again. Maybe sometime I'll share what's been up with me, but just know that I'm glad to be back here and ready to dig in again.

Yep, dig back into creating that healthy lifestyle that I started a few years back. Based on what I've learned and the permanent changes I've made in my life and outlook, I'm ready to dig deeper and see just how healthy and happy I can become. I suspect the sky is the limit, my ability to have a vision for this improved life and my determination to duke it out when necessary while slogging through daily living -- those are the only things that can stop me. And for today, I'm happy, I'm totally motivated, and I'm ready!

Let's get started.

Without explaining what's happened in my life, let me just say that in the process of adjusting and expanding to meet the new challenges, I let my lifestyle changes slip just a bit. I've regained some of the weight. I had to go out and buy some larger clothes for the winter. But I haven't gained it all back, and those lifestyle muscles are ready to return to work.

Isn't it amazing? I'm back here, confessing that I've regained some of the weight, and I'm resuming the journey, but I'm not the least bit discouraged?

I did the best I could, and now, I'm ready to improve more. For a while, I knew in my heart that even though the weight was slowing creeping back, I was doing the best I could in the moment. But a couple of weeks back, that feeling changed. I suddenly realized that my life situation had really gotten easier, and I was coasting a bit. I could no longer say that I was really doing my best in that moment. So I decided right then, sitting on my couch, that I was going to do what I know how to do, and was going to recommit to being the best me I can be. I had some commitments to fulfill, and now that those are behind me, I'm spending my extra energy on taking good care of myself. And that means jumping back in here.

I'm going to weigh in next Monday, and honestly, I don't know how much of the weight I've regained. But when I find out, I'll post it here.

This blog has sort of gotten dusty around the edges. I've taken off the link to the newsletter, but I may return to it later. Give me a few weeks to decide. I've also got some housekeeping to do on the site, to make sure that I've got content in the other tabs. So be patient with me, but I'll get things up and running.

Thanks to everyone who stops by to read this, and cheers to everyone who is on this journey with me. I'm ready to laugh my way through this, and I hope we can inspire each other and encourage each other as we go. Life is tough enough, we need to be kind to ourselves and to each other.

Week Unknown: More Miracles

It's a MIRACLE.

You know, if you've been reading much of my blog, that my whole experience has been pretty incredible. Once I made up my mind I was going to change my lifestyle, things have flowed in a most amazing way for me. Sure, I've had plenty of challenges and some demons to wrestle. I've messed up, I've lost my direction from time to time, and I've gotten frustrated by my expectations of how my progress should be going. But overall, when I look at what has happened since January 2002, I'm amazed. And the only word that comes to mind is: miraculous.

Last week, I confessed here that I ate a whole box of licorice on a binge triggered by some emotional pain, and I gained a bunch of weight. I worked it through, and I was OK with all of it -- the binge, the weight gain, and the time I would take to get back to where I was the week before. I thought it might take me a month to do that. But here I am today, with only 1 extra pound to lose. I lost 5 pounds last week, after gaining 6 pounds the week before!

I must admit, that last week, after I realized how much I had gained, I wondered if there was a sort of mistake with the scales. I HOPED there was a mistake with the scales. So the next day, I weighed myself, also. The following day, I weighed one pound less than I reported here... so I knew that the original weight was correct, or at best, was only just a little off. My scales weren't broken, I didn't accidentally weigh myself wearing my heavy-duty hiking boots, nothing like that. I really gained that weight. So how did I lose 5 pounds last week? I can't explain it. I certainly didn't work very hard at it. I went over points two days that week. I wasn't being very strict with myself. I figured that after a binge, I needed to give myself some space to come back to regular slowly. I thought being strict might just set me up to binge again, and I certainly didn't want that.

There have been many miracles reported here. And after thinking about them all, and thinking about what I'm doing, I have this opinion about them. I believe that when I set my intention to establish my healthy lifestyle, there was something so determined, so powerful with that intention that it has carried me forward. Sure, I've made all of the small, day-to-day decisions to support that goal. I've lived the life, I've done the work. But the work really hasn't been that hard, not as hard as I would have expected. I've not struggled to stay on course. I've had rough patches, but I was determined to see them through, and determined that nothing is going to stop me from reaching my goal. And nothing has. I think my attitude is what has made the huge difference for me. In the past, the few times I tried to diet, I didn't have my mind made up like I do now. I can't tell you why that is true, but it is. In the past, I wanted to lose the weight for all kinds of reasons, but none of them were about ME like this goal is about me. I wanted other people to change how they reacted to me. I thought it would help me get a better job. I thought that if I was prettier, my life would be better. Those turned out to be very weak reasons for me. But deciding that I wanted to healthy lifestyle has turned out to be the answer to all of my prayers and dreams.

Sure, the whole process is taking longer than I imagined when I started, but I also understand that a slow weight loss is really better for me anyway. I'm loving the new foods in my life, and love that I'm still exploring and looking for new foods to try, new tastes to fall in love with. I've discovered that I really LIKE salads. I've discovered that just a bit of some yummy sauce is enough to satisfy me. I've discovered that adding seasonings to my foods makes such a huge difference in how I enjoy them. I don't feel cheated in any way. I don't feel like there is any food that is off limits. I sometimes order a dessert at a restaurant and only eat a few bites, and don't feel bad about leaving the rest or paying for the whole thing. I think I've got the skills and understanding I need to really win at the weight loss game.

And that is the best miracle of them all.

Week Unknown

Hey, I'm doing better. I'm eating good foods, and a good variety. Tonight, for example, I had a lamp chop with kiwi/mint sauce, garlic mashed potatoes, and fresh steamed asparagus spears. For a snack, I had an all juice lime bar.

I briefly considered rejoining Weight Watchers meetings, just to get me back on track for a while. I know where there are meetings in my new area, but I've decided to postpone that decision, at least for a while.

Also, today I purchased my first exercise equipment -- a Pilates machine from QVC. I know that you can do Pilates on the floor with just a mat, but with my mobility challenges, I thought this would really help me to get started. I also bought the stand to raise it up from the floor, something else that I thought would help me.

I'm determined to learn how to stand up from sitting down. I think the Pilates, along with my limited yoga and renewed walking program, will really help me.

By the way, I've unpacked my red towel! Now, as soon as I reach my 20% weight loss goal, I can take some new pics!

Week Unknown

I've got a confession I need to make. I've been binging all of last week, and I've got a weight gain. I've not posted the change to my weight chart yet. I gained 4.5 pounds last week. I'm amazed that I was able to gain so much so quickly, especially after staying at the same weight for so long.

I've had a few hours to really get my mind around what has happened. Here's the short version of the story....

I've been quite upset for a while, maybe months, maybe even years. There are some things in my life that I just don't like. But like any rational person, when they start to bother me, I do one of two things -- I either do something practical to fix them, or I distract myself by looking at the many truly wonderful things that also are part of my life.

A week ago, I went to dinner with a friend I hadn't seen since before my illness, and she wanted to hear the story. After all of this time, I thought I could tell the story pretty fast and in a very positive way. Instead, I found myself suddenly feeling very raw emotionally, and I reached a place where I just couldn't stop crying. In the middle of a restaurant. About a topic that I thought I had understood. I was shocked and dismayed.

I promised myself (and her) that I would work through these issues that came up during dinner. On Wednesday, in my usual session, I did work on these issues, and really was able to express what I've been feeling.

The bottom line, and quite oversimplified I must add, is that I feel like I'm responsible for myself instead of trusting by faith that everything is going to work out for me. When my client problems surfaced a few weeks back, I panicked because I wondered how I would provide for myself. Never mind that something always does work out, or that I say that I believe certain things by faith about the universe and about the spiritual support available to all of us. What I've discovered is that when it comes to money, the money that I earn from my career, I don't have any real faith. I've got lots of experience with really amazing good things happening for me, but I seem to be stuck. I don't seem to believe that I deserve this assistance, so I panic and react with fear. I also realized that I'm afraid to take some really reasonable risks with my work because I am desperate for some sense of security and so I stay put. I say "sense of security" because there really is no security in what I stay with, it's not rational.

In fact, everything I've been working with the last week is very emotional and not very rational. I've been emotionally exposed, my inconsistencies are right on the surface. It's been a tough week emotionally. But that doesn't mean that I had to eat over it. But I did. In the last week, I ate a whole box of licorice allsorts. They are one of my favorite treats, something that I usually keep around. For example, the last time I had a box, it lasted me just over 2 months, giving myself a small treat on occasion. I ate them all in five days. One day, I had licorice for BREAKFAST. The whole time this was going on, I knew what was happening. I wanted to stop, but I never did anything to stop myself. Why didn't I just throw the rest away? Why didn't I realize I was out of control and ask for help? I can't answer any of those questions. I seemed to be fixated on reaching the bottom of that box. I slowly ate every piece, enjoying every single bite of it... until I was overloaded with the taste, and then I would continue to slowly eat pieces long after I was sick of the taste. I would get myself a few from the box when I wasn't hungry. I was a disaster. Of course, with all of that sweetness in my mouth, I lost my appetite for good foods, for fruits and vegetables. I found myself wanting more snacking foods, but fortunately, none others were available.

I wish I could tell you that I've gotten to the heart of my emotional heartache, and that I'm back on the road to recovery. I am proud that I stepped on the scales today, and that I'm posting here my confession. I needed to make this confession for myself, to be honest with myself about what is going on. I know that I've got some things to think about, and that I need to be careful about what I eat this week, to get myself back on track. But I know that I need to resolve this crisis in my faith, to come to grips with my financial fears, and really fix what is broken in my heart.

Remember me in your prayers.

Week Unknown: Sand Storm!

Well, look who stumbled across her blog today?!


My wonderful life has been more active than even usual! This week, I got half of my teeth cleaned, got referred to a periodontist, decided to have a tooth extracted, realized plants were dying in my front yard, figured out the irrigation system, had a handyman over to work on a door situation, endured a fabulous sand storm, went shopping for rugs (without success), revamped my client invoicing system, prepared client invoices, worked on a scrapbook for a friend, continued to unpack, returned things I had borrowed when the plumbing sprung a leak a few weeks back, and... I'm sure there is more. And this was a 4 day work week! You get the idea.

I've not eaten very well this week, either. I'm quite disappointed with myself and my lack of focus. I'm sure, really sure, that I've gained a bit ... if you had seen what I've been indulging with, you would be confident of a small gain, too. I'm going to do my best to be back on my program through the weekend, and will weigh in on Monday. And just start where I left off, dealing with whatever gain has happened. But that is real life. And besides, I've lost almost 20% of my starting body weight! I can choose to dwell on the small recent gain and be miserable, or I can really enjoy the fact that I've accomplished SO MUCH towards my new healthy lifestyle. I choose to feel good!!

Besides, eating all of the CRAP hasn't been that much fun. In fact, I feel better when I eat healthier stuff. In fact, I'm going to visit the grocery TONIGHT so I can get stocked up on my favorite healthy foods again.

Week Unknown: Camping

It's UNBELIEVABLE!

I must admit, I did weigh myself once after I had started camping in the new place, and I wasn't surprised to learn that I had gained 2 pounds. I figured that with all of the fast food and easy preparation food I had to eat, that gaining a few pounds was inevitable. Of course, I was not excited about the idea that I might spent most of another month losing the weight I had gained while camping.

So this morning, without any dread, I stepped on the scales to learn the truth about my weight. I couldn't even remember the last weight before the camping. So I noted the number, and thought it seemed like a good one. Then I came to the computer to update my weight chart -- and that is when the Hallelulah chorus started.

I WEIGH EXACTLY WHAT I DID BEFORE THE CAMPING!

I know I had gained a few pounds, so apparently, even with the camping, I've also lost a few pounds. I'm right where I left off! I'm totally shocked, totally grateful, and very excited about this. I must admit, during this camping time, I did indulge myself a bit, knowing it was temporary. I didn't overeat, but I did make it a point to try out all of the fast food things that had come out since I started Weight Watchers almost 18 months ago. And I tried them all. The best news is that I didn't love any of them. Sure, a few of them were actually good, but they didn't taste as good as my home cooked things. In fact, I found myself hungry for a salad a few times. Anyone who knew me before WW would know what a miracle that is! I actually missed the fresh and home cooked foods I've been eating on WW.

So during my camping time, I didn't cut loose, but I did allow myself a few indulgences. I had french fries a few more times after that accidental time I wrote about. I've tried all of the new menu items in almost every fast food joint. And I won't miss any of them for the next 18 months. From this event today, and the first weigh in after my illness, I've really come to realize that I have accomplished the biggest part of goal, the goal that has been driving me since before I started WW. I HAVE developed a more healthy lifestyle. I've turned the tide in my own life. Every part of me wants to be healthier and healthier. Now, it's just a matter of tweaking and fine tuning, and occassionally making changes to my daily living.

I'm still doing WW, and I've still got something like 70 pounds to lose. I've not lost sight of that. But it feels today like I'm ready to start to focus more on my next healthy lifestyle goal -- the one related to my physical challenges with my legs. At the same time, I'm also working very hard to learn a more healthy balance between work and rest and play. Every mother knows this challenge! And everyone who works at home knows the little secret of the home-based workers -- We don't work at home, we LIVE at work. It's a challenge to create a healthy lifestyle in the midst of this, but I know I'm going to find my way through this, also.

Hey, if you are reading this this and didn't get it yet, I'll say it right out -- miracles do happen. My life is full of them the last 18 months, and I'm finally starting to really understand what that means for my own life. You might want to look around and see if there are hidden miracles happening in your own life. After all, it's a miracle that the universal forces that keep the Earth in orbit around the Sun didn't fail through the night -- the Sun comes up every morning on schedule. The tomato plant continues to grow on the Earth after generations and generations. Rain and sunshine together allow life to continue. Well being abounds! We live in a miraculous world.

P.S. When I lose another half pound it will be time for the updated red towel pictures. I hope I can find it in the moving mess!

Week Unknown: Water Anyone?

I am about to embark on a small side journey. A dear friend from Australia has recommended a book to me, and after checking it out a bit, I'm about to order it. Once it arrives, I'm going to start on this water program. The idea is that many of the symptoms of various "diseases" are actually symptoms of dehydration! I know that WW recommends a good deal of water. I've not been drinking enough for a couple of months now. I can't wait to find out more about this water plan. Of course, I'll post my discoveries and progress here. And, if I read the book and decide NOT to try it, you guys will be the first to know.

While I'm out book shopping, I'm also going to pick up another book from a guy I saw on Christopher Lowell a few weeks back.

Week 54: Tomorrow Is Moving Day

It's midnight and I just finished unloading the truck from today. Today was the last packing day. I filled up the truck with everything awkward, fragile, or just too important to lose for a few weeks in a box. Tomorrow at 8 am, the movers arrive. I don't know how long it will take to load things up, but I'm expecting to be here unloading sometime after lunch, early afternoon.

I still have to clear up some things on this end. The kitchen counter is full of tubs that are full of stuff waiting to be put away. I've got to move things in the bedroom so there is a clear path for them to setup my bed. Otherwise, I think things are ready. I'm exhausted. But the idea of sleeping tomorrow night in my own bed, the first time in three weeks, is very exciting.

I'm not even going to talk about what my food has been like, and I'm going to weigh in on Monday and just do damage control. See you then.

Week 53: The Joys of Housekeeping

I just came from Target where I purchased a Swiffer WetJet. My old place has carpeting everywhere, even the bathrooms! I hated that. The new place has tile everywhere except the bedrooms, and I love that. But I've been living here for over a week, and I figured it is time to clean the floors. So, without any market research, I picked up the Swiffer brand of cleaning mop stick thingy. No scientific or consumer awareness in my choice.

Years ago, before such products were on the market, I was experimenting with my own tools and techniques. My ultimate hard floor cleaner was a two step approach -- a spray bottle of a cleaner like 409 in my right hand, which I sprayed on the floor in front of me, followed by a swipe using a paper towel trapped under my left foot. I suppose the neighbors might have thought I was doing some strange dance if they were watching. I knew it seemed like less work than a traditional mop, and the floor got cleaner. I realized with the first of these cleaning mop stick thingies came on the market, that I had missed my opportunity. If only I had known then that I could charge $25 for the setup and that every woman in America would want one -- I would have invested the time and money for protyping and market research. Alas, another missed fortune in my life.

And now that I've used it for the first time, I have one observation. Kotex on a stick. Period.

And one question: How many Weight Watchers activity points can I earn from cleaning the whole house?

Week 53: No Surprise Here

Hello everyone!

Well, after a week of eating out and eating things that don't have to be refridgerated, I've gained two pounds! I'm not discouraged, I understand why this has happened, and I know small gains are a fact of life, even for people at their goal weight. The only problem is that I still don't have a fridge, so I'm facing yet another week of the same challenges. Hopefully, I'll figure out what to do so I won't have the same results to report next Monday!

Otherwise, I'm doing pretty well. Working a lot, trying to get caught up and a bit ahead because I know what my week is going to be like. Lots of packing still to do. And now, a dentist appointment for a root canal. (Like I need another big expense at this time!)

On the move, I've got some great news. I think an old friend is going to come out for a short visit of a few days to help me out. Not only will it be great to see him, but the help will be much appreciated!

Until next time, take care of yourself.

Week 52: French Fries

I used to love french fries. But honestly, in the last 15 months, I haven't missed them at all. Today, I slipped out for a fast food lunch, and they included fries in the bag, even though I hadn't ordered them. So what did I do? I ate most of them. And boy, were they delicious! I suppose that part of what made them taste so good is not having them for so long. I ate just a few, and decided that I would stop. But a few minutes later, I realized that I wanted some more, so I helped myself.

Bottom line -- this not having a fridge at this end is probably going to mean a weight gain this week. I'm preparing myself for this possibility. And I'm doing my best to make really good choices during this time. And the next time someone puts french fries in my bag by mistake, I'm not going to touch them!