Week 11
Feeling Very Sexy Tonight

Today was a fun eating day. I started my morning with my usual, a Balance Bar, and then was out running errands over lunch. I decided to stop at Rubio's and eat some fresh Mexican. I used to eat at Rubio's a few years back, when I lived near one, and while my bro was here, we stopped a couple of times. I had a chicken burro, eliminating the high fat stuff inside, and I ate about half of it. It was yummy! I added some of their hot hot salsa, and had a regular size fountain Coke with it. More points than I usually have for lunch, but it was a nice change.

I'm just now getting hungry for my dinner, so I've got leftovers warming up in the oven while I'm writing. By the time it comes out, it will be time to watch my Friday night routine, back-to-back episodes of Sex and the City. Overall, a great day from every aspect.

I almost forgot to tell you... I bought a new dress today in a smaller size! It is a fabulous red sheath dress with an overdress that is split up the sides to the arm pits, connected by two thin strips across the bust. The overdress is a red floral print, sort of see thru, so the red dress underneath shows through. It is two sizes smaller than before, and I didn't try it on... I just bought it. When I got home, I decided to see how far it is from fitting. Shock of shocks, it fits NOW. It's a bit too snug to be comfortable, but it FIT. I feel like a cross between a princess, a fashion model, and an escort in it. I am going to try it on again in a month, and I expect that I will wear it a lot this summer! It will hang nicely even when it is too big! Maybe I'll even take some pics in it when I redo the red towel pics, which should be in about a month.

Week 11
Sharing My Rice Pudding

Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. But it is the end of the day and I have 6 points left. I had 8 points left yesterday. So it seems that after a few days of wanting to overeat, I'm in a cycle of not being very hungry. It's a strange thing. I have found that when I'm wanting more, having a bit of a craving, that a bite of something sweet soothes me. That is why I've been looking for bite sized desserts, nothing big. I don't want to have a huge pie or cake sitting around, because I will hate throwing most of it out, and that is what SHOULD happen. I like having just a 1/2 cup of rice pudding or sorbet in the evening, it just adds a bit of sweetness and treat to my food plan.

Tonight, I had rice pudding (and yes, I still have points left!) that I had to share with my cat. He always wants some when I serve it up, so I had already given him a spoonful. (I'm afraid that some vet is going to read this story and write me a nasty email about why rice pudding isn't good for my poor cat now!) I brought the rest upstairs and slowly was enjoying it, a baby spoon full at a time. That is, until the cat came upstairs and realized that I had more! I gave him another spoonful, and in the end, he licked out the serving bowl. But the look on his face when he realized what I was eating was priceless. I wish I could have captured it with my camera. (He is at a perfect weight, so don't anyone out there worry about my cat, ok? He's just a bit spoilt.)

Week 11
Stocking Up & Looking Forward

Tonight, I made another batch of the Sloppy Joe recipe that I love so much. It turned out wonderful, and I have four containers (each with double batches) in the freezer for future meals. I had it for dinner tonight, and I think I like this more than any other food I've discovered.

I was out in a store tonight that had clothes, and I casually looked around in the smaller sizes. There are such good deals on sweaters and winter clothes right now. If I only knew what size to get, I could actually save some money have have things to wear next winter. I'm guessing that a large would be good, and I don't think it will be too big. My goodness, it is possible I'm going to get down into a medium size? It's a bit surprising to try to guess what I might look like in a year, and what size clothes I might wear. It's good to have the future be so unknown... it really helps me to feel that I'm on an adventure, that I'm breaking out of my routines, and that I'm headed somewhere new. I don't even know what styles or cuts will look good then.

In the end, I decided that I would wait until I need smaller winter clothes to purchase any. It means that I will be buying new clothes A LOT during the next year, which means spending some money. Because of my casual lifestyle, and limited need for work clothes, I can outfit myself from stores like Target during the transition, and I can buy some nice things once I reach the end of the line.

I have a lot of fun to look forward to!

Week 11
In Between The Grooves

I'VE LOST 23 POUNDS!

For the last several weeks, I've been cooking large batches of things and freezing them for easy access through the days that follow. The last couple of days, I have run out of all of these things, and I haven't had the time to restock the freezer with my own cooking. So meal times, I find myself having to think a bit about what I want to have for dinner.

Some things, like my favorite tuna salad sandwich, only take 5 minutes to make, and let me have a really quick lunch that I love to eat, and is great for me. The tuna noodle caserole takes a while to make, but can be warmed up in the microwave for 30 seconds, giving me several really quick meals, also. My other freezer favorite, sloppy joes, take about 5 minutes to warm up in a pan while I add the extra ingredients. I really love having these things so readily available.

Over the last weeks, I've tried some new things that I've also liked. I noticed that I'm usually only fixing a main item, no side dishes, so I focused on side dishes for a while. I have made the most wonderful cubed potatoes, and I will post that recipe later. I've got another recipe for something like a "blooming onion" that is baked instead of fried, so it is very low points, and I'm eager to try it. The surprising thing about these two, and most of the other sides that I looked at, they require a lot of oven time, almost an hour. I can start those things before I start cooking dinner, and I suppose I'll get into a groove with them, but I just haven't yet. I'm still swamped with work these days, long after I thought things were going to lighten up a bit.

So here I sit, realizing that I've been in a groove with food, a nice groove, but still a groove. And now I'm not. It doesn't feel like starting over, but there is more sense of "what do I do next" than I've felt in several weeks. Even though I feel short of time, I want to take advantage of this feeling, the little bit of chaos it introduces into my daily life, and branch out a bit. Try new things. Experiment more. Be daring.

Week 11
Cleaning, Cooking & Taking Care of Myself

WOW. I love Sundays because I get to update the week count. It's been almost 3 months since I started, and I feel great about what I've accomplished in changing my lifestyle. I've learned a lot more about food and eating, and learned to cook some new foods that I really love. I'm also thrilled with my physical changes. My clothes are so baggy, and I'm wearing jeans that had been too small for a whole year! I've been through tough times, smooth times, and I've come to see that small setbacks are just that, small. I can start over in a minute and put myself right back on track. I'm very happy with the changes in my life.

Today is a busy day. I took off yesterday for some fun projects, and now today, I've both work and housework to get caught up on. The housework has been sliding for a while, and after Tuesday night's disaster, I have not worked so hard on it this week. But it's a new day, I feel freshed, and I'm ready, emotionally, physically, and mentally, to attack the things on my schedule. It feels good.

I've blocked off time for various tasks. I've given myself one hour to be online, catch up on email, update my journals, and read the news. Then, I've got one hour to attack the housework downstairs, which means the laundry, the mail, the kitchen and cleaning up from my Saturday evening projects. Next, I've given myself 4 hours to work on a client projects. After that, there is one hour of down time, fixing dinner, eating leisurely, and watching something on TV. Then, two more hours of client work. After that, I will just kick back and do whatever I feel like doing.

When I block out time like this, I use my kitchen timer to keep me honest. I carry it with me, room to room, and listen to it clicking away the seconds. When I really get into something, I lose track of time and forget to watch the clock. This way, I get interrupted from my task at hand, but stay on track with my overall goals for the day. It really works for me, but my cat, Skooch, doesn't understand that I can't pet him right now because the timer is going. Well, no plan is perfect.

A Surprising Idea

I said I was open to new ideas about processing my anger. Well, I got one today. I took a long lunch break and decided it was time to clean up downstairs. When I clean, I use a lot of techniques, more than just dusting and vacuuming. I use a technique called smudging using sage to use smoke to clear the room. It's a bit like the use of incense in some church services. I like to use the smoke after an argument, or after an angry outburst like I had this week. So, while I pulled out the vacuum and the cleaning cloths, I also pulled out my sage. While I was smudging the room, I got the idea that it was time to clean out the cubby hole under the steps. It's a sort of catch-all space for me, with my suitcase, some blankets, rolls of wrapping paper, and two boxes of things that belong to someone I used to date. I pulled everything out, and while I was doing it, I found myself getting quite angry. But this time, I was able to catch myself, and say "How interesting, I'm getting angry while I'm doing this... what is this really about?" I vacuumed the floor and started returning most of the things, make a more organized stack than before.

I thought this was an interesting idea, and an interesting space in my house. It holds things that either get very little use, or in the case of the boxes, things I'm not sure what to do with. I walk past these things every day, and I walk over them every time I use the stairs, and yet they remain ignored in my daily living, not invisible, but ignored. The area is dusted and cleaned, and some of the things have been put away in other spots of the house where they belong.

I wonder how many more of these little "blisters" of space I will find throughout my house?

One issue that I know is connected to weight is packratting things away. In one sense, that is what happens with food, it gets packratted on my body as fat. I'm not a neat freak, but I do make an effort to minimize the clutter in my space, although I do have more STUFF than most people. I'm working on reducing the amount of it, a sort of clutter diet, if you will.

I feel better now. The living room is much neater, and I feel like I've tackled something that has been on my to-do list for a long time. I still need to decide what to do with the boxes, since shipping them to Europe isn't an expense I'm willing to take on, and yet, I don't feel that I can throw them away. I haven't known what to do with this stuff for a long time, but maybe I can figure out what to do by 1 May and do it. That feels like an option.

Week 10
Picking Myself Back Up

I would be less than honest if I didn't write here about how I'm feeling about all of the anger that exploded the other night. It scared me a bit, and it surprised me a lot, and it has got me thinking about the emotional component of my weight. I've also been looking more closely at how I've been living the last 10 weeks, and I'm seeing that my new healthy lifestyle needs some adjustments to become really healthy.

Getting Enough Sleep

The last two mornings, I've hit the snooze quite a few times, waiting until I feel more rested before getting up. I've been getting 4 to 6 hours of sleep a night for weeks, actually months, and then crashing about one a week, sleeping 12 hours or so. That isn't healthy. I need to allow myself to sleep a bit longer each night so I'm not accumulating sleep deprivation throughout the week. If I make sure my body is getting rest every night, I will have more resources to live my days. I'm sure there will still be plenty of short nights, but I don't want them to continue to be the routine. I am thinking about permanently moving my wake up time from 4:30 am to about 6 am to give me the extra time. If I can get to sleep by 10 pm, I will have plenty of time to sleep, and may actually wake up before the alarm. That would be good, also.

Processing Anger


I'm not sure yet what to do about all of the anger that shows up in my life. I really believe in staying focused on the positive feelings inside of me, keeping myself in a good space, rather than treading water through the murky waters of negative emotions. I'm willing to walk straight into those murky waters if that will help me to unattach them to my soul. I'm waiting for some inner guidance about what to do with this area. I'm willing to do whatever seems like the best course of action. That's as far as I can take that area right now.

One that that does feel critical -- I must have the time to write here and in my journal every day, a couple times a day if needed. This outlet for my feelings really helps me. It lets me organize my thoughts and feelings, explore them deeper, and get them out of my head. This writing is a critical component of my plan, and no matter what happens in my day, I have to allow myself the time to write about what is going on.

Meetings

I missed my meeting this week, and on Thursday morning, I decided to wait until my regular Monday morning meeting. For the last few weeks, I've only gone to meetings every other week. Maybe that is a good thing for me. I am going to stay in Weight Watchers (I had considered stopping after two months, after I figured out the program) and I'm planning to attend my usual Monday morning meeting. Wednesday morning will be my backup meeting time. With my work schedule the way it looks over the next few months, there should be no interruptions to this schedule.

Food

Food wise, I think I'm doing great. I've found some new favorite things to eat, I'm in the habit of trying new things all of the time, and I have plenty of good stuff in the house to eat. I have to build going into the grocery into my schedule, also. I can't let it drag out like it has the last couple of weeks. Maybe I should try adding it to the Monday afternoon, stopping at the grocery on my way home from the meeting. I've developed a format for my grocery list, and as soon as I get my printer back, I'm going to print up a weekly shopping list and keep one on the fridge so I can write down things I notice I'm running out of. This will help with the process, also. I'm going to rethink adding this to Monday afternoon, since that takes away a lot of working time during regular business hours. That might not be such a good idea, but I'll see what happens.

The only thing missing from my house -- little food treats. The last few days, I have wanted just a bite of something sweet, and there hasn't been anything like that around. Part of reason is that the grocery was out of the fruit sorbet I usually buy, so I hadn't had anything like that. I'm not sure what this solution looks like, but I need to provide myself with some safe dessert options, something that is 1 or 2 points. I've avoided the whole dessert thing, except for the sorbet. Maybe I should try some of those bite sized cheesecakes? I'll check them out my next grocery trip.

I think that covers everything that I've been thinking. It seems like a solid plan. Oh, one more thing. I feel better the days that I get some extended walking, and I sleep better. I'm thinking about adding a 20 minute walk to my daily wind down time, maybe an hour or so before bed, something that will help me to work off steam, move around a bit, and get me sleepy and tired before bed. This needs some more thought, and some experiments.

What I'm Grateful For

After writing about (and reliving) last night's emotional blow-out, I feel the need to reconnect with what is good in my life. Here is a short list of the things I'm grateful for right at this moment:

-- My health
-- Having work that challenges me and provides me with a good income
-- Sharing my home with my cat, who allows me to serve him daily
-- Friends I can talk to about anything without worrying what they will think of me
-- The ability to express what I'm feeling in writing so I don't have to remember everything inside my head
-- The wonderful progress I'm making to change my lifestyle
-- The people who have signed up to receive my newsletter, The Skinny
-- The warm breezes wafting through my upstairs this afternoon
-- Having a DSL connection to the Internet
-- Having a fridge full of good food
-- Having my truck paid for
-- Being aware of my journey, even when it isn't exactly fun
-- HGTV
-- Having my home full of things I've made, painted, refinished, recovered and made over to fit my style
-- Having a fireplace and plenty of firewood
-- Clients who appreciate my work and thank me when I deliver things
-- Caller ID
-- My digital camera, and the wonderful collection of pictures I've taken with it
-- Having a yellow bedroom that makes me feel good all day long, every time I walk into it
-- My herb garden in pots on the patio
-- Cookbooks and recipe cards full of tasty, nutritious foods to try
-- Cheesecake!
-- The growth of the eucalyptus tree outside my office
-- My wacky sense of humor that keeps me laughing even when no one else is laughing

Week 10
Why Am I So Angry?

Yesterday was quite interesting. I spent some time going through new recipes, and pulled together a shorter grocery list than usual, shorter because my driveway is being paved and I have to park about a block away. I wanted to be able to carry everything in one trip. The grocery trip went well, and I found everything at this new store. This was my second or third trip there, and I do like it. It's closer than my usual grocery, and the smaller size seems to mean less walking instead of less selection, because I've found everything I wanted so far. As usual, about 1/3 of my groceries were produce, and I bought more oranges this time because they were on sale. I even got great advice from the produce guy about which potatoes to use for one new recipe. I was surprised, really, at how helpful he was. I learned a lot about potatoes.

I got home, and my kitchen was in order. I filled it up with groceries spread out to be put away, and started sorting out laundry at the same time. Once the freezer and fridge things were put away, I started the first load of laundry. This is one of the joys of a galley kitchen/laundry room combo. In fact, it is the only joy that I can see. I decided to make my favorite Tuna Noodle Casserole, and so in the midst of laundry and putting away the rest of the groceries, I started cooking, too. Maybe I should have known this was a recipe for disaster, but I plunged happily into it, glad to be in the kitchen, glad to be taking care of my mundane life.

Quiet Evening Goes Wrong

The first sign of trouble was this intense frustration I felt when I realized that I didn't have any counter space left. The Tuna Noodle recipe is pot and bowl intensive, and is actually more work than a lot of recipes. I generally get everything out and cut and ready, and then light the stove and the oven. Somehow, I forgot that I had to cook the noodles at the start, so the next sign of trouble was my anger when I realized that I still had to cook the noodles, and it was almost the end of the cooking stage. I started looking for places to set things already on the stove, and since I had already run out of counter space, this was a disaster. But the real disaster had yet to strike. About this time, I step on wet clothes on the floor, and realize that water is coming out of the dishwasher! Clothes and food boxes everywhere are wet. At this, I really lost it. I started sobbing, and then in a rage of frustration, I started screaming at the top of my lungs, trying to expel the anger in the quickest form. All the while, crying, trying to salvage the items on the floor, trying to move things off the stove, and trying to finish cooking. At this point, it was way too much. But I didn't stop. I kept taking deep breaths, mostly between screams, and through sobs I made a plan to resolve everything and clean up this disaster around me.

About this time, I hear a knock at my door, a neighbor checking to see if I'm OK. Oh my gawd, I was instantly embarrassed and humiliated to realize that someone else knew about my angry meltdown. Sobbing so hard I can't speak, I crack open the door and try to say that I'm fine, and thank her for checking on me. It was a kind thing to do, especially considering this is the neighbor who hates me. I said I was OK, but was I really? I still sobbed uncontrollably for probably 30 minutes, but my plan was moving forward, and soon I had order restored in the kitchen. And my dinner went into the oven, minus the broccoli which I found about 5 minutes later, but that is ok. I've got the dishes cleaned, the worst of the wet mess on the floor done, and I fall, exhausted, into the couch to pet the cat and calm myself. I ache inside, and I try to comfort myself with my thoughts, relaxing a bit, and letting go of my embarrassment. It doesn't serve any purpose.

Asking Big Questions

If you have just read this, you may be thinking that I sound like a scary wacko. I've spent some time since then, asking myself if it is possible that I'm really crazy and haven't realized it. I really believe that I'm quite sane, generally, but that I experienced a huge trauma last night, something that brought out craziness in a normally sane person. I have flaws, I have character strengths. I have things I'm working through in my life, things I'm aware of, and I'm sure I have things I'm not aware of, and things I'm in denial about, but I can't really give you a list of those. I'm in the early stages of menopause, which I'm sure is a factor in the raging aspect of my emotions. But the thing I remember most about last night was the sense that I was watching myself act out, and was somehow frozen in place, unable to think clearly or stop myself. It is that part of me that observes my life that lets me know that I'm sane, that even though such an event, I have an anchor in something solid.

I have been asking myself lots of questions since then, lots of big questions, and starting to find some answers. Am I crazy? No. Why am I so angry? Don't know. What could I have done to avoid that disaster last night? Try taking on less at one time. What is wrong with my life that I'm so frazzled? Try working less, having more balance. Why am I feeling so sad lately? It's time to make some more changes in my life.

Getting To The Heart

No doubt, my weight program is at the heart of the emotions I'm feeling lately. There are many reasons why I've put on this weight, and many reasons why I've kept it on all of these years. I consider myself a practical person. These issues are like a big, tangled ball of yarn, and rather than spend time NOW working through the past, I'm more likely to just say "OK, from where I stand today, what can I do to improve this" rather than spend time trying to untangle the mess, or trying to understand the factors that got me here. In a way, I see that kind of untangling as a way of assigning blame, and I'm not about blame. I'm about solutions. I'm about fixing things that don't work. But my feelings and behavior over the last couple of weeks has shown me that there are some issues here that are swelling up and flooding my lawn, things that I have to deal with. Lots of anger, and behind that anger? I'm not sure. I do believe that it is important to my healthy lifestyle success for me to get to the heart of what I'm angry about, and releasing it from my life.

For today, I'm admitting that anger is a big issue in my eating, and in establishing my healthy lifestyle. I'm not sure of much else, but I'm open to learning more about it, and learning how I can release it so I can live a happy, healthy life. I trust that I will discover more information about this, and learn how to handle it just by being open to finding the solution. I'm open. I'm waiting to discover the solution. I believe the solution will find me.

Week 10
Out Of Groceries, Still
It's almost 9 PM and I've just finished my work towards my deadline. I've felt crappy all day, and had to keep my nose to the grindstone. I'm too tired now to hit the grocery. I've got a client meeting in the morning, another conference call in the afternoon. MAYBE I'll make it to the grocery before dinner. Crossing my fingers.

But it is amazing to me that I've gotten so used to good food over the last two months or so. That is a good sign. And I just want to weigh in, and find out how I did last week, so I feel like I'm into the new week already. I like the Monday weigh-ins. Wednesday morning will come soon enough!

So this is a good feeling overall. I can feel how much I miss my food and my routine. HURRAH! The lifestyle change has started to take hold!

Week 10
Sloppy Food Day

And no, I don't mean I had my favorite sloppy joes. I have been working since I got up this morning, except for taking my bro to the airport. I did take a dinner break, but have done all of my so-called-meals at my desk. To make matters worse, I'm nearly out of groceries. Considering all of that, and considering that I've been over points all week, I've done quite well today. No breakfast bars, but I did have half a peanut butter sandwich (I needed the protien). I had a full sandwich for lunch. And I had two slices of frozen pizza for dinner. Two Cokes today. Points wise, I'm OK, but quality of food wise, it sucked. Once I meet this deadline tomorrow, I'm off for the grocery to stock up for about three days worth of food... long story, but my driveway and street is being paved and I have to park about a block away, so I don't want to carry more than one load in until Friday, the day the driveway reopens.

I can't wait to have real fruit again, Balance bars, and my usual great food variety. Because of this deadline, I won't make it to weigh in until Wednesday. I'm going to accept whatever the news is this week, and just know that I'm back on schedule already.

If you are waiting for the next issue of The Skinny, it will be out after the deadline. Early this week.

Week 9
Total Splurge

I was really bad last night. I took my out of town company to a 50s style diner called Ed Debevicks. It's not my favorite place, but it is a lot of fun. The food is all diner style, so I selected an all beef hotdog with beef chili, no cheese. I only ate half of the meat, and about 1/4 of the bun. It was good, but not really the kind of thing I normally eat. I even ordered a salad instead of fries, because I knew if I had fries, I'll eat a few of them. So instead, I nibbled on the salad. I can't say I really ATE it, but about 1/4 of it was gone. And no dressing!

But I love vanilla shakes, and these guys have the best. So I ordered one, and I did drink about half of it. It was wonderful. I really could have stopped after the first couple of sips, but I drank more than that just because I wanted it. I have no idea how many points I drank in that shake, but I'm sure I blew the whole day with it, and I really didn't have any banked points to cover me.

Today is their last day in town, and overall, it has been easier to eat close to the target, easier than I expected. And I've stayed closer to the target than I thought might happen. I don't know if I still have lost even one ounce this week, but even if I have a slight gain, I will consider this week a great success considering all of the obstacles I've faced, and the efforts I've taken to really keep good options in front of me. I'll know on Monday.

I also purchased some beads yesterday to make myself a necklace. This is my treat for my 20 pound success. It has real gemstones and some crystals. I do need to collect some more items for it, but I'm excited to see the direction this is going. The colors are green and blue, and I'm excited to have some time to really design it and pull it together.

I also have decided that when I reach my 10% goal, I'm going to either purchase or make myself a potting bench. Target has one that is OK, but the price is a bit high. I may purchase the plans to build one instead, or come up with my own plans. I think I can make a really nice one for under 2/3 of Target's price. I've wanted one for so long, and I'm using this milestone as my excuse to purchase it. I'm starting to have fun with my rewards!

Week 9
Back on Track

I knew last night that today would be better. I didn't have to eat in a restaurant all day today. I had my usual breakfast, a sloppy joe lunch, and a late dinner at home. It feels good to be back on schedule today. Tomorrow is more meals out, two of them I'm sure. The same for Saturday. But I'm making it through this, and I'm doing great.

I had a really tough emotional day, and I'm pleased to report that I never once even though of reaching for a comfort food. As I'm thinking about it now, it seems that I've broken that habit. That is something else to be grateful for.

My brother told me yesterday that they could tell how much weight I've lost when they first saw me at the airport. I'm pleased and surprised. I see the differences, and I'm seeing more of them all of the time. I see a huge difference in my back now, the puffiness is gone. In just a couple of weeks it will be time to redo the towel pics, and I am excited to see the comparison in the pictures.

Discrimination Cases
Two women are fighting to be given the right to hold jobs based on their abilities and not their body size.

Week 9
Tough Day, Tough Choices

I knew this was going to happen. I tried to be prepared so I could minimize the impact. But today, I had all of my meals in restaurants. And yes, I managed to avoid McDonalds! Because of the amount of driving we had to do today, I didn't have time this morning to make a lunch to pack. I had my regular bar for breakfast, but like so many mornings, it didn't hold me all the way to lunch. I ended up eating with my family at restaurants for my meals, including lunch, a late afternoon snack/light dinner, and a light late dinner. I made the best choices I could in each situation. I had no way to know or even really guess the points I was eating, even with the dining out guide.

The only real splurges -- I had a piece of bruchetta with dinner, and I had three bites of a cheescake desert that we shared. I was proud of how well I managed that one. I didn't deny myself, but I didn't go overboard. It was wonderful and melted in my mouth. I could eat three bites of cheesecake and consider that a whole desert any time. In fact, for the whole day, I didn't overeat in terms of the amount of food, and I made fresh fruit and vegetable choices, and avoid all fried foods. If I end up not losing this week, or even gaining, I am not upset with myself. I'm doing very well. Tomorrow, I will have more control over my meals, and I will eat my own food for two meals. I will be right back on track with points tomorrow, so the impact may be minimal.

Week 9
My Defense Against McWeight Watchers

It is almot time to pick up my brother and sister-in-law for their visit, and I've prepared myself for the onslaught of McWeight Watchers. I am packing us a lunch of tuna sandwiches using my latest and greatest gourmet tuna recipe.

Gourmet Tuna Sandwich

Ingredients:
1/4 c tuna in spring water, well drained
1 tsp light mayonaise (I use Trader Joe lemon flavored)
1 tsp dijon mustard
1 tsp dill relish
1 to 2 tbs minched red onion (or any kind of onion) more to taste
1 tsp finely chopped fresh parsley
3 tbs finely chopped celery
dash of pepper (I use lemon pepper)
very small pinch of dried thyme
1 english muffin (I use wheat)

Directions:
1. Mix ingredients together, making sure that the liquids get distributed through the tuna.
2. Serve on an english muffin, lettuce leaf optional.

Serves: 1 Points (not counting bread): 2 Points with muffin: 4

I make this point smart by reducing the amount of mayo and adding other liquids. I love lemon, so having lemon mayo and lemon pepper really adds punch to it. If you don't like fresh parsley, you can omit that ingredient. And even if you like it, remember that a tiny bit goes a long way. I love the way this mixture looks, with the red onions, green parsley and light green celery showing up in the mix.

If you like your tuna with more of a traditional taste, try my recipe for Crunchy Tuna Salad.

Warning About Over-The-Counter Miracle Diet Products In Canada
Articles like this remind me over and over again how important it is for me to stay focused on lifestyle changes and not weight loss results. My progress has been very good and quite quick, so I'm not complaining. But the prospect of losing 1 pound a week, and this process dragging on months and months and months... I can understand why the quick fixes are so tempting. If you are thinking about doing something quick -- stop and think before you do it.

Week 9

21.4 POUNDS!!!

I'm more than a little excited. I've reach my 20 pound milestone, and I'm just a couple of weeks from reaching my 10% goal. This success, along with how great I'm feeling, makes me want to buckle in all over again. I'm not cheating anywhere, but I really want to go back to the basics and make sure I'm doing as good a job as I can in every area. Water is one of my weaknesses, which is surprising because of the amount of water I used to drink. I'm sure I'll get that figured out, too.

My company arrives tomorrow around lunch time, so I've got about 24 hours to get ready for them, including a trip to the grocery. I haven't decided exactly what I'm going to do this week, but I'm sure I'll figure it out as I go. I'm going to be very good with my points for lunch so I have some extra ones to use for dinners out. Although, if the option is fast food, I'll be brown bagging it. So it could go any way. But I'll be prepared.

Week 9
Big Day Tomorrow

I'm really excited to get to weigh in tomorrow. It has been two weeks, and I'm hoping for a big loss, like 4 pounds or so. I've been disappointed before, so I'll be happy to just have one pound. But cross your fingers with me for more!

Today I've had a pork sandwich from the yummy pork loin roast I made earlier in the week. I put a litte horseradish, the real stuff, no mayo in the sauce, on the bread, and the piece has some of the apricot preserves marinade. It was delicious. I'll post the recipe later. For dinner, it was my current favorite, sloppy joes. Do I still call it plural, joes, when I only had one sandwich? I even cut back on the bread by just using the bottom bun and eating it with a fork. It was delicious. I had a half serving of jalapeno flavored chips with it. No desert, no sorbet tonight, even though I have the points. I may have a banana right before bed.

Growing My Own Herbs

I got my new herb garden planted this afternoon. I still need to pick up some additional plants, at least basil and a mint. I've got a varigated basil, varigated thyme, regular thyme, garlic cloves, parsley, rosemary, sage and ... something else. Maybe I'll find some corriander, that would be great. I don't have the whole garden or the whole patio planted, but I did get that done today, along with the calla lilies and geraniums. I've been buying some fresh herbs at the grocery... it will be nice to be able to add the fresh stuff from my own garden now.

Week 8
McWeight Watchers Plan

My brother and his wife are coming to town for 5 days. When I first heard about their visit, I had a concern for how I was going to have company and stay on my food plan. I didn't know how it was going to work out, but I knew that I would do whatever it takes for it to work out. Then, I discovered that they are both doing Weight Watchers, and I got quite excited. I thought that I could pack lunches for us to take on our sightseeing trips... after all, I had been planning to pack my own.

They are arriving in a couple of days, I have talked with them about food options and strategies. And I learned something that surprised me, in a head shaking kind of way. They eat from the Dining Out guide. They find the least expensive (points wise) foods from each chain, and figure out a combination that is satisfying. They are doing McWeight Watchers! There is no way that I'm joining them in eating like that. I don't care if they eat like that. I'll take them anywhere they want to go. But I'm bringing my own food, and eating things that are healthy besides being within my points.

My Cooking History

This new information about my bro and his wife has been quite shocking to me. I can remember a time in my life when the idea of fixing my own meals was totally foreign to my way of life. That was when I was in college. Once I got out on my own, working and having a budget, I realized very quickly that I didn't have enough $$$ to eat fast food every meal. I had to eat cheaper, and that meant learning to cook. My mom, bless her heart, always had a dinner on the table, but she didn't like cooking and I wouldn't call what she does really "cooking" as much as "food warming." She had a few dishes that she would really cook, but the rest was from a can, a box or the freezer. So we didn't grow up learning how to shop for groceries and cook.

In those early years, nearly 20 years ago now, I got my first Southern Living annual recipe book and started finding recipes to try. I remember that I ate a lot of potatoes, double baked potatoes with tuna, potatoe soup, mashed potatoes. I used to buy a pound of hamburger and add taco seasoning, and I ate a lot of tacos! I experimented with quiche recipes (this was the 80s, remember) and I developed a couple of flavors that I loved: cheeseburger quiche, and mexican quiche. I also learned how to make some home made pizzas using grocery store refridgerated crusts. They weren't good, but they were the only pizza I could afford. I made up my mind to learn to make a great pizza, and I do pretty good. That was the start of my cooking. Over the years, the amount of cooking I've done has gone up and down, mostly based on the amount of time I was working. For years, I felt too tired at the end of a long day to wait to eat while I cooked. I ate in restaurants a lot. I only cooked when I was sick and tired of restaurant food, something I would never have guessed could happen, but it does.

Thinking About My Life Changes

When I started this lifestyle change almost 9 weeks ago, I realized that cooking was going to be very important. I feel like I have more input on the contents and taste of my food now. I can choose to use a light version of an ingredient, I can provide myself with the most satisfaction for the point this way. I have been eating very well. I'm not a gourmet by any means, but I'm a decent cook. And that is important because I depend on myself to provide my food. I enjoy the process. I actually look forward to cooking when I get home from work. It is one way that I can actively nurture myself.

I have really changed my lifestyle, especially how it relates to food. I'm not on McWeight Watchers. I'm building routines and habits that will serve me well the rest of my life. I can take comfort in that, and feel confident that the changes I'm making are real and permanent. In fact, the last couple of days, I've been casually looking at clothes. Not at my current size, but at things that are smaller. In some ways, I can see that I'm afraid to look at the regular size range, I mean anything size 18 and below. I have been looking at some 18s and 20s, which are still at least 3 sizes smaller than I wear today. I bought myself a skirt that is an 18/20, and I bought a demin jumper that is an 18. These are beautiful items I got on a ridiculous sale so they cost almost nothing. I was thinking today while shopping that I should pick up some sweaters for next fall because they are on clearance now, but I really don't know what size to even consider, or what style might look good, so I don't go there. But I am thinking in that direction, and I will make some purchases in smaller sizes.