Week 32
One Sick Puppy

Yup, that's me. I'm sick, have been since the weekend. Nothing serious, mostly it is like the flu with a low grade fever, with some other symptoms just to keep things interesting. I've been thinking that I should go swimming tomorrow afternoon, mostly to get the creaks out of my body by floating in the water. The bathtub just isn't deep enough! And in Phoenix, this time of year, the pool will be like a hot bathtub, only with chlorine instead of bath salts. I can take it.

The Mango Treats (see below) were a great hit these last few days. Wonderful idea. I'm going to try to make up some more in the next week or so.

Otherwise, if you aren't seeing posts here or at Trivium or Glimpse, it's because I'm sleeping most of the day. And having some weird dreams, but I'm blaming them on the fever.

Later!

Week 32
Extremely Optimistic!

Those of you who are struggling through personal changes, whether you are working to lose weight, quit smoking, or any other personal improvement project, you know how discouraging it can be to go through a time of setbacks. I'm feeling very happy today, not just because of my weigh loss yesterday. This morning, my normal weigh-in day, I went into the kitchen and saw the scales still sitting on the floor, and hopped on. I didn't expect any change from yesterday, so imagine my JOY when I realized I'd lost another pound. I'm not recording this weight, so that additional loss isn't official (at least not until next week) but it is enough to make me a very happy camper tonight. Very happy.

So, tonight I decided to make my own treats up. When I was at the grocery, I purchased this items as my variation on a Weight Watcher's recipe I found this week for ice cream sandwiches. Here it is:

Ingredients:
30 ginger snaps
1/2 c mango sorbet

Instructions:
1. Warm 1/2 c sorbet enough to scoop.
2. Scoop 1 tbs of sorbet on a cookie and top with another cookie.
3. Place in freezer bag and place in freezer until firm, at least one hour.

Servings: 5 (3 sandwiches) Points: 3

Tip: To reduce the points even further, select cookies that are lower in points.

Week 32

WONDERFUL NEWS: I'VE LOST AGAIN!

I wasn't planning to weigh myself until tomorrow, but I thought that I would check and see what direction things are going today, and I got such good news that I decided to make it official. After 5 weeks of floundering, of weight gains and lost focus, and even before I had really sat down to think all of this through -- I've got a 1.5 pound weigh loss. That puts me about where I was on week 28, and 1/2 pound from my lowest weight to date.

I think the tide has turned.

One thing I've been doing this week is forcing myself to drink water. I put a 20 oz glass in the bathroom, and every time I stop in, I've forced myself to fill it and drink it. Needless to say, that has caused me to return to the bathroom more times than usual during the day, which means I've been drinking A LOT thes last few days. And with the summer heat in Phoenix, this is a good thing so I can avoid even a bit of dehydration, not to mention that I think it has had a positive effect on how my body has been working.

I still need to take some time to think about the lack of focus and get myself refocused, and I've scheduled some time for that on Friday afternoon, out of the office. I'll let you know what I discover during this time.

But in the meantime, I'm thrilled.

Week 31
Taking This Very Seriously

I still seem to be in a plateau, and I sense that I'm doing/not doing things that are contributing to it. This is more than just a normal physical phase I'm going through -- it's involving my thoughts and emotions. Like I said in an earlier post, I seem to have lost my focus. I've lost my appetite, too. I'm not eating nearly enough. Isn't that strange? I'm forcing myself to drink most of my water each day.

I am not sure what is happening, but I'm taking this very seriously. I'm not skating through it with an "oh well" attitude. I'm not sure what I need to do. I thought tonight about the idea of returning to meetings, and I might do that. I'll decide next week. But I suspect that I just need to really sit myself down and examine my goals again, and decide again that this is the route I'm committed to taking. Maybe I'll learn something about what I'm resisting through this process. Maybe I'll have a new revelation.

I'm totally swamped with work right now, and will be for about another week. I don't want to ignore what is going on, but at the same time, I've got enough on me right now without adding to it. I'm going to hit the grocery this afternoon and get enough good stuff that is easy to fix to get me through this deadline crunch, and then, I'm going to take a day off and work this out.

In an interesting note, I found the most wonderful recipe on the Weight Watchers site today. I'm not sure if they will let the link work, but I've tried. I don't have the time to fix it this week, but who knows... maybe the day that I take off for myself and my goal setting could start off with this wonderful breakfast.

Week 31
Stages of Change

Well, I am a bit low on points, but overall, its' been a good food day. I don't feel like my focus is back, but then, I'm not so worried about how I feel. As long as I act according to the plan, the feelings will eventually come around. Feelings come and go, but action is where a lifestyle happens. Healthy actions = healthy lifestyle, even when things are in a slump. I've had a lot of pressure on me these last few weeks, and will for another two weeks. So I suspect that my feelings are being influenced by this. All I can do is keep going, and do my best to remember what it felt like when things were in focus.

Many years ago (more than 10), I ran across some information about changes, the stages that a person goes through during any change. I used to teach this in my journal writing workshops, and I have used it at work on every single project I've ever done. I don't know who came up with this idea to give them credit. I got this idea from someone else, but I've made it my own.

Stages of Change

1. Unconsious Incompetence The first stage of every change happens before you make any change. You are going along, life as normal, not knowing that you need to make a change, or that a change is around the next corner.
   
2. Consious Incompetence The second stage of every change is that awkward time when you are painfully aware that something is wrong, but you don't yet know what to do with it. You don't know how to solve the problem or what to do. You may need additional information, and you are in the process of deciding what course of action to take.
   
3. Consious Competence The third state of any change is the time when you are focusing on your new ideas and new skills, and stumbling a bit as you use them. It takes your ongoing effort for you to keep fighting your old ways to make the change happen. You must catch yourself doing your old behavior or thinking your old thoughts so you can decide to do your new thoughts and behaviors. This is the time when your old habits are being broken down, and your new habits feel awkward. Hang in there -- things will get better!
   
4. Unconsious Competence The last stage of any change is the successful completion of the change. You recognized a problem, you resolved it, and you have learned the new skills, information and habits you need to go back to just living your life without thinking about this change. Thanks to your work in the third stage, your new behavior has become a habit. Hurray!

For a while, I've been in stage 3, where my new healthy lifestyle habits are being formed, and they are replacing my old unhealthy habits. It's hard to tell, sometimes, when things are easier because you are backsliding, or things are easier because you have worked hard and now the new habits are really kicking in. In both situations, you may feel good, things feel easy. But one is a healthy place to be, and the other, well, the other needs more work and attention.

Some part of my new lifestyle are still in stage 3, and a few have really graduated to stage 4. I suspect that the overall length of time to make this huge change and to be totally out of stage 3 is longer than the 31 weeks I've been doing this. I don't know how long it will take me, and I think this will be different for everyone. But what is important, I think, is to understand where you are in the change process, and to understand that all of this takes time. After all, I didn't put the weight on in 31 weeks... and it would be unreasonable for me to expect to have my healthy lifestyle completed in a short time.

Week 31
Starting To Figure It Out

After two consecutive weeks with gains, I'm very pleased to announce that I've gained 0 pounds this week! I've also lost 0 pounds this week. And I'm happy about it.

It's been a month now since I've had a weight loss, and I can tell you, something is very different these last weeks. It's not just the results, something in my thinking is also different. I've lost my focus on my goal. I've been eating just to stop feeling hungry, not to create a balanced meal that meets my body's real needs. Not all of the time, and I'm not eating horrible things. But I've not been on target in my head, the target being a healthy lifestyle. Food and eating have been a hinderance, an annoyance, to the rest of my schedule. I have to tell you, that is part of the attitude that got me into this mess in the first place. So it isn't surprising that the old way of thinking has found a way back into my life.

I am going to think and write more about this later, because I believe it is important for me to understand this part of me better. Taking care of myself isn't some annoying thing that I have to do before I can do the things I really want to do. Taking care of myself is part of joy of daily living, at least that is what it used to be, and what I want it to be. Whether that is grooming, or even keeping my household running smoothly, all of these things are vital and important for my lifestyle.

I'm just grateful that I've realized what is going on inside my head. And I'm grateful that I didn't gain any more last week. I'm going to get past this roadblock, and keep making my life into what I want it to be. That's my promise to myself. I'm not giving up, I'm not throwing in the towel (that beautiful red Ralph Lauren towel, that is!), and I'm not letting a little hurdle break my stride.

More soon!

Week 31
Dieting News

I've just been out reading at Big Fat Blog, and boy, do they have some interesting articles. If you haven't been there, or haven't been there for a while, I think you will enjoy your reading time.

Week 30
A Reward Idea

I'm going to spill the beans... I've got an idea for a new reward for when I reach my goal. It's something that I have honestly never considered doing before, and in fact, it is something that I used to think only, ahem, rednecks did. (I'm sorry if my use of such a term offends someone!) I'm considering getting a tattoo on my bod, a small piece of body art in a place that I've not seen for years because of all of the extra weight. I haven't decided for sure, but the idea is getting more and more attractive all the time to me. I'm not even sure what I would put on me, but I'm thinking something small and meaningful, like maybe a small butterfly to symbolize the transformation aspect of my reaching my goal.

No decision will be made about this until I actually reach my goal. But if I do it, I'll post a pic here, I promise!

Week 30
Catching Up

It's late, but I want to post just a few things:

Veggie burgers -- YUM! I loved them... I only have 1 pattie left and plan to eat that one tomorrow. I'm going to try the other brands recommended by visitors, but even these Gardenburger Mushroom I loved.

Today's points: way below again. If you read here, you know that I have spent plenty of time wanting to eat more, but that wanting was more of a nervous kind of eating, not about hunger. Right now, I seem to be eating when hungry. I'm grateful for that! So my plan to eat more at breakfast didn't work today, but I'm going to keep trying. It's hard for me to want to eat much in the morning -- a little bit and I'm happy. Maybe I will try to add a mid-morning snack instead of eating it all at once.

Water consumption is still below what it should be, what it used to be. I'm working on this, too.

Working all weekend, taking Monday off.

One last thing -- I encouraged Debbie at Rites of Passage to reward herself for small goals along the way. She asked for some suggestions. Here is a reposting of my comment with some ideas of things that I do for myself.

Hey, glad to give you some starters. I try to avoid money rewards, just because I don't want to replace ONE kind of problem with another (debt)!

What I treat myself with:

A long soak in the tub, with nice smelling stuff, time to really apply lots of lotion, maybe even a facial mask, a few pages of a good book... A sort of mini-spa.

A trip window shopping for beautiful things. I like to spend a few hours walking in the galleries in Scottsdale... the art is way to expensive to even consider buying, but it is beautiful and it gives my heart a lift.

I slip away to a favorite coffeeshop with great atmosphere and drink a TEA (iced in the summer) and write in my journal. And watch people. And listen to live music, usually a guy playing acoustic guitar.

I slip away for a couple hour drive alone in my truck. Since I live in the center of a huge metro area, it takes a while on the highway to reach the open desert. So I drive for an hour or so, stop, get a drink, walk around, take some pictures, and drive back. Nothing relaxes me more than being able to see all the way to the horizon! The wonderful Arizona scenery is just icing on the cake.

New used book shopping. We have a wonderful used book store here, and I will go through my bookshelf and pull out some books that I won't read again, and I trade them in for store credit. I can usually take in a few books and swap them for a few different ones at the store. New books, and they are FREE! Love it. And I have a few hours of looking at things that are interesting -- I skim through a bunch of books before selecting the ones that will go home with me.

Make a short list of things that make you happy, it can be anything simple, and then schedule a bit of it.

Week 30
What I'm Learning

This has been an interesting week thanks to the things I'm learning about my eating from my online Weight Watchers journal. Well, maybe just one big thing: I'm not eating enough. Every day this week, I've had 7 or more points left over at the end of the day, some days as high as 10 or more. What's up with this? And have I always been under points? I suspect that being under would be a reason why my weight loss has been slighly slower, and I suspect it is a factor in my recent plateau (which I hope is now over).

I'm a bit shocked to realize that I need to eat more points. I mean, I've always thought that the reason I put on the weight was because I either a) ate too much, or b) ate things that were too point laden. I don't have any way to know about the past, except for the past two weeks, and I can tell you that I haven't reached the top of my goal points any day during this time.

I'm not holding back, I'm not starving myself to try to lose faster. In fact, I'm not recording most of my food intake until the end of the day, so I don't even know I'm under until the day is over. There isn't any chance I'm forgetting things. I believe I'm getting a totally accurate point count.

So, knowing this, what am I going to do now?

First, I'm going to beef up my breakfast eating. I've been averaging 2 points each morning, and loving my breakfast. But of all my meals, breakfast has the fewest points by far. I'm not sure right now what I will switch to, but a change is needed.

Second, I'm going to make sure that I only have one salad a day. Sure, they are great, tasty, and filling, but they are low in points. Maybe I can start adding some goopy stuff, like cheese or avacado to them, to bulk them up a bit without increasing the size. Eating avacado would hardly be a hardship!

Third, I'm going to look back at what I used to eat, and see if there is anything that I eliminated from my meals that I might want to bring back. Pizza will be an option when it is cooler outside, and it is high in points. But until then... I don't know. I'll think about it.

What a strange "problem" to have. I thought only recovering anorexics and actors preparing for unusual roles had to force feed themselves! But here I am, an unlikely member of that group. But this is only a slight adjustment for me, not an all-out pigfest.

Week 30
Surprise -- Bad News

When I weighed in the last time, after my bad Sunday, I had a problem with the place where I record my weight. So I couldn't actually record it then. I thought I knew what I was talking about when I said I had a zero loss. In reality, it turns out that I had a 1.5 pound gain. And today, when I weighed myself, I had another 1/2 pound gain.

I'm surprised. Not so much with last week, because I knew I had blown it. And I have eaten out a lot since then, and had trouble that night with bread sticks. But I didn't expect to have a gain this week.

I have been feeling a bit plateaued lately, but until today I didn't KNOW that I was on one. It's probably a really good thing that I've been doing so much work on my journaling since signing up on e-tools. Remember that I had a feeling that if I would tighten up just a bit, I would resume my weight loss? Well, that was right on, and it is a bit strange now to realize that I had just started a plateau when I felt that.

I'm not worried about gaining 2 pounds in the grand scheme of things. These have not been my best two weeks. I am a bit surprised to realize that what I was doing caused a gain because apart from that bad Sunday, I thought everything was going fine. One thing I have noticed is that I've been slacking off on the water, so for the last few days I've been drinking a lot of it.

On the very positive side, I've been eating a lot of salad, not because I thought I should, but because I wanted them. Yep, I think I'm becoming a real salad eater in the last couple of months. That is a good thing, and a real sign to me that my lifestyle change is really happening. My taste in foods is changing. I'm starting to really like healthy things. All of this is very good news, and very encouraging to me.

So, now that I know things have been in the crapper for a couple of weeks, what am I going to do? Nothing special, just follow the program to the letter for a while, to make sure that any sloppiness or laziness disappears from my daily living. Heck, in a good week I'll lose that 2 pound gain, and very soon I know I'll be reporting weekly weight LOSSES again. Maybe as soon as next week.

As I look over my weight loss chart, I can see the the pace of my weight loss has really dropped off since I stopped going to meetings. Coincidence? Probably not. It's not that the meetings were so magical, because I was bored with most of them. But I think that since I stopped going, I've also slipped into a way of living where my food hasn't had the same kind of attention as before. That's what I mean by sloppiness and laziness in my daily living. I think it is time for me to really recommit to my goals, and resume my former diligence about food matters.

I also notice that my weight loss slow down also coincides with the last issue of The Skinny. Another coincidence? Probably not. I think writing those newsletter was helping ME more than I realized. I'll see how my schedule looks, and resume them ASAP.

I Can Do It -- And You Can Do It

It takes a lot of work to change your life, not just changing your weight. Any personal change takes work and commitment. And yet, it seems that the smallest bit of effort I made very quickly snowballs so that a little effort really has a pretty big effect. Watching myself change my body has given me a sense of personal power that has been wonderful. As you know from my posts here, I've been amazed at the feeling I've had that I can take on any project, that I can make any change in my life. I really believe that is true. Not only can I take myself to my goal weight (whatever that is!) but I can make other changes in my life. Just because I have never been successful in this area before doesn't mean that I can't make my life into what I want. I'm willing to do the work to get there, and I'm willing to stand firm when the going is tough, because I believe in my heart that I can do this. And I am doing it. This is just a minor course adjustment now. I'm back on track, and expecting great things over the next weeks and months.

Week 30
Wonderful New Recipe

I eat a lot of chicken. And this week, I found a new recipe at the Weight Watchers site that involved chicken with two of my favorite things: tequila and jalapenos. I've modified the recipe only slightly. It was so delicious, I'm glad that I made enough for another meal.

Tequila & Jalapeno Chicken Salad
Adapted from a recipe found on the Weight Watcher's website

Ingredients:
2 4oz chicken breasts, boned and skinned
1/4 red onion, chopped
1 medium jalapeno, seeded and chopped
2 garlic clove
1 tsp brown sugar
1 tsp olive oil
2 tbsp tequila
1/8 cup lime juice
[note: the remaining ingredients can be substituted with whatever salad fixings you like]
4 lettuce leaves
2 cup spring salad mix, fresh or from a bag
2 mushrooms
2 tbsp parmesean cheese
1/2 carrot sliced thin

Directions:
1. Add all ingredients except chicken and a small portion of the onion into a blender or food processor and blend into a puree.
2. Cut chicken breasts into bite sized pieces. Add puree and chicken to a container with a lid, making sure to cover the chicken with the marinade. Refrigerate several hours.
3. Remove chicken from marinate and throw away marinade.
4. Place chicken on grill and cook thoroughly.
5. While chicken is cooking, make up the salads. Add chicken to the top and serve.

Serves: 2 approximately 5 points per serving

Just a reminder: be careful handling raw chicken. Be sure to wash any utensils and the cutting board before using them for anything else. Also, you can't use the left over marinade for anything else, so make sure to throw it away.

Week 30
Oh, The Pressure

I'm sneaking a break online when I should be doing client work. It is so funny to feel like I'm sneaking, since I'm working from my home office, wearing PJs, and haven't been out of the house for two days. It is just the overwhelming sense that I have DEADLINES and that I'm behind... it makes me feel like I don't deserve to take 30 minutes out of my day to read the blogs and post. Of course I can find 30 minutes in my whole day. But I woke up late, and that started me off feeling behind, and I really AM behind of my client project, and I have other things that must be done very quickly or else there will be consequences. I'm strapped, and there is no relief in sight for a couple of weeks at least.

With everything on my mind, I keep forgetting to weigh in. I'll try to remember tomorrow morning. Maybe I should go downstairs now and pull the scales out from beside the fridge and leave it laying on the floor where I can't miss it when I go to get my breakfast and feed the kitty. (I wonder if that would actually work...)

Even with this stress, I have been taking the time to keep my food journal at WeightWatchers.com. It's going faster now that most of my food choices are already entered as favorites. I banked three points yesterday. I've got dinner marinating right now... another WW receipe. Tequilla / Jalapeno Chicken. I'm going to grill the chicken and then cut it up and put it over a huge salad. A bit of honey mustard dressing for some zing. I can't wait.

Oh, and I tried something interesting last night. Along with my lamb chop with kiwi mint sauce, I had french cut green beans from a can. I really like the fresh, but I knew that I didn't have that much time this week. So, to make the canned stuff taste better, I sprinkled in some lemon pepper, and added 1/8 tsp of ground corriander. It was fabulous! It added just a hint of new flavor to the beans, which normally have a canned veggie taste. Think about adding a bit of seasoning to make any packaged food taste just a bit better, a bit more interesting than straight from the can or box. I picked corriander because it went with the rest of my meal. And I love lemon pepper, and key lime pepper, too.

I think tomorrow's lunch may be a veggie burger!

Week 30
Trying New Things

It was an interesting week last week, and it is shaping up to be another interesting week this week, but for a different reason. Last week, I ended up eating out A LOT. For someone who hasn't been eating out, not even once a week, I did a tour de force on Phoenix restaurants last week. I made good choices, had some challenges (garlic bread!) and generally had a great time at every meal. But this week, I've got groceries and new receipes (thanks to WeightWatchers.com) and I'm ready to experiment.

Last week, I read an article on the WW site about alternatives to hotdogs and hamburgers, which I found very interesting. I haven't been eating anything like that at home, but of course, my occasional fast food meal is always a high points burger. I thought that maybe I could find a way to introduce burgers into my regular meal plans, and maybe avoid fast food altogether. What really surprised me is that the vegetarian burgers were so low. I'm not a vegetarian, and I enjoy eating meat, but I've also been exposed to some of the vegetarian burger substitutes, and I like them. To me, they are not a replacement for meat, but another type of sandwich all together. So over the weekend I bought a box of frozen garden burgers and I'm going to try them this week at home on my Foreman grill. I'll let you know how I like them.

One other interesting note: My red Ralph Lauren towel hangs by itself on a towel rack on the back of my bathroom door. I've been feeling so thin the last few days that I decided to try on the towel again. There is some change, as I expected, but nothing dramatic yet. So I'm thinking that I'll redo the pictures again in mid-September. The towel won't fit then, but the gap should be nearly closed. It's exciting!

Week 30
Adjusting To e-Tools

So far, my experiment with the Weight Watchers e-tools has been interesting, and successful. Some day, I haven't kept the journal, either because it was too much work or because I had eaten out and didn't have an exact point count for my meal. It's taking a while to get my regular foods entered into my journal, but I've been pleasantly surprised at the number of brand name items in their database. Once I get everything in once, it will be much faster as time goes on.

The strange thing, though, is that I've been carrying food cartons upstairs to my office so I can sit with them in front of the computer. I've filled up my office trash can with them! It's not a bad thing, just a bit weird to have food packaging out of the kitchen. I may need to get a larger trash container for the office if this keeps up. A small adjustment.

Week 30
My Body Feels Different

The last week, I've been experiencing the most unusual sensations. Things that caught my attention, but that I couldn't figure out. My arms, my sides, even my hips, but mostly around my waist. And then, last night I got it -- I'm feeling thinner! But how exactly does "thinner" feel from the inside? I'll try to explain. When I twist from the waist, I no longer have so much stomach and back, so what used to feel like part of me twisting inside the rest of me, now is feeling like all of me is twisting. When I move my arms around, picking things up, etc, I feel skin touching, making contact, where before they are always in contact. It's an amazing thing, actually. When I run my hands over my sides or back or legs, for example, I can feel the muscle and bone are much closer to the surface than they used to be.

This has been a miraculous discovery. After all of these weeks and more than 40 pounds, I suddenly FEEL different from the inside out. What a great thing!

Week 29
Setting Goals

As my regular visitors know, I've avoided setting goals for myself. I've really focused on the process of being healthy, and let the outcome work itself out. Except for my red towel goal, I've not set one for myself. I've not even set a goal weight, although I do have a general idea of the ballpark I expect to land in. I'm going to let my body work that out for me. I'll know the goal when I reach it -- that is my philosophy.

Well, I was doing some thinking the other night, thinking about where I've been and how I'm doing. I started doing some simple math, and I figured out approximately what my weight could be around the time I travel home for the holidays. I remembered the size that I wore the last time I weighted that amount. And somehow, in the midst of all that thinking and simple math, I came up with a goal. I believe that around Christmas I will be able to wear a size 18. Now, that isn't exactly a "normal" size, since they end at 16 for most clothing lines. But it does mean that I will be in that gray area between the regular size clothes and plus sized clothes. THAT got me all excited. And I realized that when I am able to wear a size 18, all of the clothes in my closet will be way too baggy to keep wearing. THAT was exciting, also! About that size is when I'm going to have to really buy clothes -- until then I've got enough things, even if they are a bit baggy, to keep me going. Except for underwear -- baggy panties tend to fall right off, and I don't want THAT to happen. I'm not going to buy many clothes until I reach the goal, and I'm going to try to buy things that will work even when they are a bit baggy.

The other thing that has me really excited is realizing that next spring, all of the clothes I own today will be gone, and my closets and drawers will be empty, holding only the new things. I've had overflowing closets for year because of the range of sizes I've had to keep as my weight changed back and forth a bit over the years. I can't wait to have nearly empty closets! I'm sure I'll fill them up soon enough, but I'm going to enjoy the extra space as long as I can.

Week 29
Eating Out -- A Lot!

Since January, I've cooked nearly every meal I've eaten. It's been fun. But the last week, I've eaten out so many meals, sometime both lunch and dinner in the same day. My social life is quite busy right now, and I'm enjoying it. But I'm also make excellent meal choices in restaurants. Well, with one exception. I was at an Italian place last night, and the garlic bread sticks were to die for. And they were sitting way to close to my plate. I ate 5 of them, way more than I should have. I'm doing great with chips and salsa at the Mexican places, but the garlic breadsticks did me in a bit.

I'm doing a combination of things at these restaurants. First, I'm making sure that I'm making good choices. But second, I'm trying to eat some foods that either I don't know how to make, or they are dangerous things for me to have around. Like the breadsticks last night. Even though I blew it a bit, it was much safer to have them in a restaurant than to buy some and make them at home. At home, I'm afraid I would have eaten them all! I also shared a desert the other night, so I got to have a few bites of something delicious, which is a great way to incorporate these things into my life.

At my new favorite Mexican place, On the Border, I have found a lunch special called a Border Plate which gives me half of a spinach and mushroom quesidilla with a big salad. With a bit of dressing on the side, it is more than enough for lunch, and lets me eat yummy foods. The spinach is overflowing and wonderful! (I used to love Popeye cartoons as a kid, and my mom used to get me to eat my spinach "like Popeye..." and it worked.) At some places, I've cut a line through my entre and only eated the portion I separated. I've gotten a to-go box for the rest, and enjoyed it another time.

I'm looking forward to a BIG grocery trip tomorrow to stock up on some new fruit. But I'm eating very well this week, thanks for asking!

Week 29
What Wisdom Can I Find Inside Myself?

I'm feeling pretty blah these days. There doesn't seem to be much going on inside my head, not much thoughtful living, just living. And I'm OK with that. I don't know why I'm so tired, either, but I've been napping a lot lately.

My bad news from Sunday, the thing that triggered so much stress and was my excuse for binge snacking -- well, that situation has turned around and I'm working again. Yes, for the same people. It's a long story, and even if you have the time to read it, I don't have the time (or the heart) to plod through it. I'm just happy to be working and being paid, with just a few "vacation days" off. I used the time well, for the most part. Except for eating. I used the anxiety to dig in and clean clean clean my house. I wiped down the woodwork. I scrubed the fridge. I vacuumed up and down the stairs, twice. I sorted a huge stack of magazines, and had three garbage bags of sorted out trash for the curb. I moved nearly everything around, rearranged the furniture a bit, and piled the couch with freshly washed and folded clothes that are too big for me. In fact, there are about 6 pieces of unwashed clothes in my house right now! A small miracle. But it feels great to have gotten so much done! The only room I didn't touch -- my office. The one room where I spend 80% of my waking hours. I'll start up here over the weekend.

Today I went out to do some window shopping for artwork for the messy office. I want to put up a collection of vintage style travel posters. I've come up with the cheapest way in the world to do this! I got the trick from looking at the artwork for sale at T.J. Maxx, Ross, and Marshalls. I've been out to my favorite online art places, AllPosters.com, Art.com, and Barewalls.com, and have started selecting the prints that might work for this room. I've got a strange set of colors I want to use: apple green, periwinkle blue, ambrosia, and orange. I'm using a rug from Target for inspiration. I'm using galvanized tin accessories. Here's the trick: I'm ordering the prints, and trimming off the borders. Then, I'm getting artist stretcher frames exactly the right size, stretching them with plain white canvas, and painting them black. Using spray adhesive, I'm mounting the prints to the canvas, and using an artist protective gel, painting over the surface. I've done a sample with a small print downstairs, and its a great look. It's MUCH cheaper than trying to frame them, even using poster frames.

While I was out, I tried a new fresh Mex style of restaurant, I forget the exact name. I drive past this place all of the time. I got a fajita style burrito, and had them hold the guacamole and cream cheese. I couldn't finish it, and it was delicious.

That's an idea... maybe some new foods would help me to feel out of my mental rut. I'll have to try some experimental cooking!

Well, I didn't exactly find any wisdom, but I do feel better after talking about my fun plans for the artwork! Maybe that is a good trick to remember, talk about something fun to feel better. Hmmm... not profound, but it worked.

Week 29
Bad Weekend -- Zero Loss

I'm glad I don't have to do the true confession thing very often. Sunday was bad day for me, I got sort of laid off. It's hard to explain, being in a freelance situation, but the money tree I was on ordered me to stop working immediately. That doesn't happen very often. And I didn't take it very well. I had a combination of bad things line up: I was out of groceries... I had bad news... and it was the day before my period. Yep, I ate horrible the whole day. Snacked my heart out. I was sick at my stomach at the end of the day, which matched the heartache I was feeling worrying about work and income. I know better than to worry, and I know better than to run out of groceries, and I know better than to binge snack. But I did all three.

The good news? Yes, there is good news. I didn't have very much dangerous stuff to eat. I went right back on my regular food plan today. And at my weigh-in, I had no change from last week, so whatever damage I did on Sunday, it wasn't horrible.

I'm not thinking too much about this. It's just a reminder to me that a) good habits are invaluable, b) I need to make sure that maintaining good habits remain a priority, and c) I can return to healthy living in an instant. Who knows, if there have been fresh fruit in the house, I might have snacked on that, which would have been even less harmful, and provided me with some valuable nutrition. At least I realized I could fix thing starting today, and haven't done any guilt tripping over it.

Bad days happen, even after 28 weeks and lots of success.