What A Week!

Did anyone else have the same week I had last week? Everything turned out A-ok in the end, but the journey was like a Fear Factor obstacle course. No bruises, no scrapes, nothing as serious as a broken bone, but BOY-o-BOY it was a tough time.

Every day had its surprises for me. They were mostly the routine type of things that can go wrong, the kind of things that might happen once every five years or longer, and yet they all managed to happen at approximately the same time. They showed up, one right after the other. At one point, I thought I should be taking notes because it was an incredible story, something that was such a comedy of errors that it would be hilarious in hindsight. But while I was living it, I was a struggle to let go of the irksome points and really focus on the positives. And there were positives. Throughout the week, people everywhere helped me out, whether they realized they were helping, or whether I asked for help (which I did frequently). People last week were fabulous in my life. Inanimate objects, on the other hand, were not so friendly.

But I made it through. I even managed to make a pot of my famous sloppy joe mix, which I've now been enjoying at least one meal a day for most of a week. I'm not sick of it yet, but I'm eyeing the last container in the fridge, thinking that one should go to the freezer. Perhaps I'll do that tonight before I hit the sack.

I did not managed to get weighed in last week, but am hoping to do that this week. Don't ask me what obstacle course ran past that goal, just laugh me with and know that it was a doosey.

Watching Myself

Over the last few weeks, I've found that I'm watching myself. The closer I get to my official restart date (Monday!) the more watching I'm doing. It's hard to be objective about yourself, and its hard to see yourself the way that someone else can see you.

What I'm trying to do it see myself as clearly as possible. I'm trying to assess how I'm doing with my current lifestyle. I'm measuring how much of my lifestyle is healthy and supports the direction I want to go, and how much of it drags me in the other direction. Or, how much of it doesn't seem to contribute, because I also want to weed out the uncontributing things in my life.

The pace of my daily living is speeding up. I'm not complaining, there are some really great changes going on for me. It's a good problem to have! I'm aware that I'm having to adjust, and I'm making some changes. For example, my month-at-a-glance format daily planner format isn't giving me enough space to keep track of things anymore. For years, that has been good enough. Now, I need a week-at-a-glance. So I've just purchased my second set of daily planner inserts for 2006.

What I'm watching mostly has to do with how much time I spend taking care of myself vs. working vs. doing things that don't contribute. Am I getting some quiet space at the start of my day, or am I getting up and staggering to the keyboard? Am I taking short breaks in the day to take care of things around the house, running errands and such, or am I just working straight through? And am I spending time vegging out in front of the TV instead of spending time on my personal projects? I don't mind watching a bit of TV, but really, how many TV shows can I really watch in a week and still feel that my priorities are towards my personal projects?

All of this watching is really about observing my priorities in action. Am I living according to the priorities I say I want for this stage in my life? Or am I acting on a different set of priorities? I'm looking for the evidence that lets me know how on-target I am with my lifestyle decisions.

Last night, I suddenly got this craving for a rich milkshake. I don't keep anything remotely similar to that in the house. I was tempted to jump in the truck and grab one. That idea turned into deciding to go to the grocery where I could also pick up some sorbet which would sort of satisfy that craving. But in the end, I opted to stay in the house and go to bed early. I was exhausted and have been waking up tired. I decided that I could slip in a trip to the grocery during the day today, and decide on the sorbet/milkshake options in the daylight. I make my best decisions in the daylight, when I'm focused and rested.

I'm Back -- and Living Large!

Hello everyone!

It's been such a journey since my last post. I've been through some rough life changes, and I've arrived on the other side with my heart healing and growing again. I'm remembering how to dream again. Maybe sometime I'll share what's been up with me, but just know that I'm glad to be back here and ready to dig in again.

Yep, dig back into creating that healthy lifestyle that I started a few years back. Based on what I've learned and the permanent changes I've made in my life and outlook, I'm ready to dig deeper and see just how healthy and happy I can become. I suspect the sky is the limit, my ability to have a vision for this improved life and my determination to duke it out when necessary while slogging through daily living -- those are the only things that can stop me. And for today, I'm happy, I'm totally motivated, and I'm ready!

Let's get started.

Without explaining what's happened in my life, let me just say that in the process of adjusting and expanding to meet the new challenges, I let my lifestyle changes slip just a bit. I've regained some of the weight. I had to go out and buy some larger clothes for the winter. But I haven't gained it all back, and those lifestyle muscles are ready to return to work.

Isn't it amazing? I'm back here, confessing that I've regained some of the weight, and I'm resuming the journey, but I'm not the least bit discouraged?

I did the best I could, and now, I'm ready to improve more. For a while, I knew in my heart that even though the weight was slowing creeping back, I was doing the best I could in the moment. But a couple of weeks back, that feeling changed. I suddenly realized that my life situation had really gotten easier, and I was coasting a bit. I could no longer say that I was really doing my best in that moment. So I decided right then, sitting on my couch, that I was going to do what I know how to do, and was going to recommit to being the best me I can be. I had some commitments to fulfill, and now that those are behind me, I'm spending my extra energy on taking good care of myself. And that means jumping back in here.

I'm going to weigh in next Monday, and honestly, I don't know how much of the weight I've regained. But when I find out, I'll post it here.

This blog has sort of gotten dusty around the edges. I've taken off the link to the newsletter, but I may return to it later. Give me a few weeks to decide. I've also got some housekeeping to do on the site, to make sure that I've got content in the other tabs. So be patient with me, but I'll get things up and running.

Thanks to everyone who stops by to read this, and cheers to everyone who is on this journey with me. I'm ready to laugh my way through this, and I hope we can inspire each other and encourage each other as we go. Life is tough enough, we need to be kind to ourselves and to each other.

Week Unknown: More Miracles

It's a MIRACLE.

You know, if you've been reading much of my blog, that my whole experience has been pretty incredible. Once I made up my mind I was going to change my lifestyle, things have flowed in a most amazing way for me. Sure, I've had plenty of challenges and some demons to wrestle. I've messed up, I've lost my direction from time to time, and I've gotten frustrated by my expectations of how my progress should be going. But overall, when I look at what has happened since January 2002, I'm amazed. And the only word that comes to mind is: miraculous.

Last week, I confessed here that I ate a whole box of licorice on a binge triggered by some emotional pain, and I gained a bunch of weight. I worked it through, and I was OK with all of it -- the binge, the weight gain, and the time I would take to get back to where I was the week before. I thought it might take me a month to do that. But here I am today, with only 1 extra pound to lose. I lost 5 pounds last week, after gaining 6 pounds the week before!

I must admit, that last week, after I realized how much I had gained, I wondered if there was a sort of mistake with the scales. I HOPED there was a mistake with the scales. So the next day, I weighed myself, also. The following day, I weighed one pound less than I reported here... so I knew that the original weight was correct, or at best, was only just a little off. My scales weren't broken, I didn't accidentally weigh myself wearing my heavy-duty hiking boots, nothing like that. I really gained that weight. So how did I lose 5 pounds last week? I can't explain it. I certainly didn't work very hard at it. I went over points two days that week. I wasn't being very strict with myself. I figured that after a binge, I needed to give myself some space to come back to regular slowly. I thought being strict might just set me up to binge again, and I certainly didn't want that.

There have been many miracles reported here. And after thinking about them all, and thinking about what I'm doing, I have this opinion about them. I believe that when I set my intention to establish my healthy lifestyle, there was something so determined, so powerful with that intention that it has carried me forward. Sure, I've made all of the small, day-to-day decisions to support that goal. I've lived the life, I've done the work. But the work really hasn't been that hard, not as hard as I would have expected. I've not struggled to stay on course. I've had rough patches, but I was determined to see them through, and determined that nothing is going to stop me from reaching my goal. And nothing has. I think my attitude is what has made the huge difference for me. In the past, the few times I tried to diet, I didn't have my mind made up like I do now. I can't tell you why that is true, but it is. In the past, I wanted to lose the weight for all kinds of reasons, but none of them were about ME like this goal is about me. I wanted other people to change how they reacted to me. I thought it would help me get a better job. I thought that if I was prettier, my life would be better. Those turned out to be very weak reasons for me. But deciding that I wanted to healthy lifestyle has turned out to be the answer to all of my prayers and dreams.

Sure, the whole process is taking longer than I imagined when I started, but I also understand that a slow weight loss is really better for me anyway. I'm loving the new foods in my life, and love that I'm still exploring and looking for new foods to try, new tastes to fall in love with. I've discovered that I really LIKE salads. I've discovered that just a bit of some yummy sauce is enough to satisfy me. I've discovered that adding seasonings to my foods makes such a huge difference in how I enjoy them. I don't feel cheated in any way. I don't feel like there is any food that is off limits. I sometimes order a dessert at a restaurant and only eat a few bites, and don't feel bad about leaving the rest or paying for the whole thing. I think I've got the skills and understanding I need to really win at the weight loss game.

And that is the best miracle of them all.

Week Unknown

Hey, I'm doing better. I'm eating good foods, and a good variety. Tonight, for example, I had a lamp chop with kiwi/mint sauce, garlic mashed potatoes, and fresh steamed asparagus spears. For a snack, I had an all juice lime bar.

I briefly considered rejoining Weight Watchers meetings, just to get me back on track for a while. I know where there are meetings in my new area, but I've decided to postpone that decision, at least for a while.

Also, today I purchased my first exercise equipment -- a Pilates machine from QVC. I know that you can do Pilates on the floor with just a mat, but with my mobility challenges, I thought this would really help me to get started. I also bought the stand to raise it up from the floor, something else that I thought would help me.

I'm determined to learn how to stand up from sitting down. I think the Pilates, along with my limited yoga and renewed walking program, will really help me.

By the way, I've unpacked my red towel! Now, as soon as I reach my 20% weight loss goal, I can take some new pics!

Week Unknown

I've got a confession I need to make. I've been binging all of last week, and I've got a weight gain. I've not posted the change to my weight chart yet. I gained 4.5 pounds last week. I'm amazed that I was able to gain so much so quickly, especially after staying at the same weight for so long.

I've had a few hours to really get my mind around what has happened. Here's the short version of the story....

I've been quite upset for a while, maybe months, maybe even years. There are some things in my life that I just don't like. But like any rational person, when they start to bother me, I do one of two things -- I either do something practical to fix them, or I distract myself by looking at the many truly wonderful things that also are part of my life.

A week ago, I went to dinner with a friend I hadn't seen since before my illness, and she wanted to hear the story. After all of this time, I thought I could tell the story pretty fast and in a very positive way. Instead, I found myself suddenly feeling very raw emotionally, and I reached a place where I just couldn't stop crying. In the middle of a restaurant. About a topic that I thought I had understood. I was shocked and dismayed.

I promised myself (and her) that I would work through these issues that came up during dinner. On Wednesday, in my usual session, I did work on these issues, and really was able to express what I've been feeling.

The bottom line, and quite oversimplified I must add, is that I feel like I'm responsible for myself instead of trusting by faith that everything is going to work out for me. When my client problems surfaced a few weeks back, I panicked because I wondered how I would provide for myself. Never mind that something always does work out, or that I say that I believe certain things by faith about the universe and about the spiritual support available to all of us. What I've discovered is that when it comes to money, the money that I earn from my career, I don't have any real faith. I've got lots of experience with really amazing good things happening for me, but I seem to be stuck. I don't seem to believe that I deserve this assistance, so I panic and react with fear. I also realized that I'm afraid to take some really reasonable risks with my work because I am desperate for some sense of security and so I stay put. I say "sense of security" because there really is no security in what I stay with, it's not rational.

In fact, everything I've been working with the last week is very emotional and not very rational. I've been emotionally exposed, my inconsistencies are right on the surface. It's been a tough week emotionally. But that doesn't mean that I had to eat over it. But I did. In the last week, I ate a whole box of licorice allsorts. They are one of my favorite treats, something that I usually keep around. For example, the last time I had a box, it lasted me just over 2 months, giving myself a small treat on occasion. I ate them all in five days. One day, I had licorice for BREAKFAST. The whole time this was going on, I knew what was happening. I wanted to stop, but I never did anything to stop myself. Why didn't I just throw the rest away? Why didn't I realize I was out of control and ask for help? I can't answer any of those questions. I seemed to be fixated on reaching the bottom of that box. I slowly ate every piece, enjoying every single bite of it... until I was overloaded with the taste, and then I would continue to slowly eat pieces long after I was sick of the taste. I would get myself a few from the box when I wasn't hungry. I was a disaster. Of course, with all of that sweetness in my mouth, I lost my appetite for good foods, for fruits and vegetables. I found myself wanting more snacking foods, but fortunately, none others were available.

I wish I could tell you that I've gotten to the heart of my emotional heartache, and that I'm back on the road to recovery. I am proud that I stepped on the scales today, and that I'm posting here my confession. I needed to make this confession for myself, to be honest with myself about what is going on. I know that I've got some things to think about, and that I need to be careful about what I eat this week, to get myself back on track. But I know that I need to resolve this crisis in my faith, to come to grips with my financial fears, and really fix what is broken in my heart.

Remember me in your prayers.

Week Unknown: Sand Storm!

Well, look who stumbled across her blog today?!


My wonderful life has been more active than even usual! This week, I got half of my teeth cleaned, got referred to a periodontist, decided to have a tooth extracted, realized plants were dying in my front yard, figured out the irrigation system, had a handyman over to work on a door situation, endured a fabulous sand storm, went shopping for rugs (without success), revamped my client invoicing system, prepared client invoices, worked on a scrapbook for a friend, continued to unpack, returned things I had borrowed when the plumbing sprung a leak a few weeks back, and... I'm sure there is more. And this was a 4 day work week! You get the idea.

I've not eaten very well this week, either. I'm quite disappointed with myself and my lack of focus. I'm sure, really sure, that I've gained a bit ... if you had seen what I've been indulging with, you would be confident of a small gain, too. I'm going to do my best to be back on my program through the weekend, and will weigh in on Monday. And just start where I left off, dealing with whatever gain has happened. But that is real life. And besides, I've lost almost 20% of my starting body weight! I can choose to dwell on the small recent gain and be miserable, or I can really enjoy the fact that I've accomplished SO MUCH towards my new healthy lifestyle. I choose to feel good!!

Besides, eating all of the CRAP hasn't been that much fun. In fact, I feel better when I eat healthier stuff. In fact, I'm going to visit the grocery TONIGHT so I can get stocked up on my favorite healthy foods again.

Week Unknown: Camping

It's UNBELIEVABLE!

I must admit, I did weigh myself once after I had started camping in the new place, and I wasn't surprised to learn that I had gained 2 pounds. I figured that with all of the fast food and easy preparation food I had to eat, that gaining a few pounds was inevitable. Of course, I was not excited about the idea that I might spent most of another month losing the weight I had gained while camping.

So this morning, without any dread, I stepped on the scales to learn the truth about my weight. I couldn't even remember the last weight before the camping. So I noted the number, and thought it seemed like a good one. Then I came to the computer to update my weight chart -- and that is when the Hallelulah chorus started.

I WEIGH EXACTLY WHAT I DID BEFORE THE CAMPING!

I know I had gained a few pounds, so apparently, even with the camping, I've also lost a few pounds. I'm right where I left off! I'm totally shocked, totally grateful, and very excited about this. I must admit, during this camping time, I did indulge myself a bit, knowing it was temporary. I didn't overeat, but I did make it a point to try out all of the fast food things that had come out since I started Weight Watchers almost 18 months ago. And I tried them all. The best news is that I didn't love any of them. Sure, a few of them were actually good, but they didn't taste as good as my home cooked things. In fact, I found myself hungry for a salad a few times. Anyone who knew me before WW would know what a miracle that is! I actually missed the fresh and home cooked foods I've been eating on WW.

So during my camping time, I didn't cut loose, but I did allow myself a few indulgences. I had french fries a few more times after that accidental time I wrote about. I've tried all of the new menu items in almost every fast food joint. And I won't miss any of them for the next 18 months. From this event today, and the first weigh in after my illness, I've really come to realize that I have accomplished the biggest part of goal, the goal that has been driving me since before I started WW. I HAVE developed a more healthy lifestyle. I've turned the tide in my own life. Every part of me wants to be healthier and healthier. Now, it's just a matter of tweaking and fine tuning, and occassionally making changes to my daily living.

I'm still doing WW, and I've still got something like 70 pounds to lose. I've not lost sight of that. But it feels today like I'm ready to start to focus more on my next healthy lifestyle goal -- the one related to my physical challenges with my legs. At the same time, I'm also working very hard to learn a more healthy balance between work and rest and play. Every mother knows this challenge! And everyone who works at home knows the little secret of the home-based workers -- We don't work at home, we LIVE at work. It's a challenge to create a healthy lifestyle in the midst of this, but I know I'm going to find my way through this, also.

Hey, if you are reading this this and didn't get it yet, I'll say it right out -- miracles do happen. My life is full of them the last 18 months, and I'm finally starting to really understand what that means for my own life. You might want to look around and see if there are hidden miracles happening in your own life. After all, it's a miracle that the universal forces that keep the Earth in orbit around the Sun didn't fail through the night -- the Sun comes up every morning on schedule. The tomato plant continues to grow on the Earth after generations and generations. Rain and sunshine together allow life to continue. Well being abounds! We live in a miraculous world.

P.S. When I lose another half pound it will be time for the updated red towel pictures. I hope I can find it in the moving mess!

Week Unknown: Water Anyone?

I am about to embark on a small side journey. A dear friend from Australia has recommended a book to me, and after checking it out a bit, I'm about to order it. Once it arrives, I'm going to start on this water program. The idea is that many of the symptoms of various "diseases" are actually symptoms of dehydration! I know that WW recommends a good deal of water. I've not been drinking enough for a couple of months now. I can't wait to find out more about this water plan. Of course, I'll post my discoveries and progress here. And, if I read the book and decide NOT to try it, you guys will be the first to know.

While I'm out book shopping, I'm also going to pick up another book from a guy I saw on Christopher Lowell a few weeks back.

Week 54: Tomorrow Is Moving Day

It's midnight and I just finished unloading the truck from today. Today was the last packing day. I filled up the truck with everything awkward, fragile, or just too important to lose for a few weeks in a box. Tomorrow at 8 am, the movers arrive. I don't know how long it will take to load things up, but I'm expecting to be here unloading sometime after lunch, early afternoon.

I still have to clear up some things on this end. The kitchen counter is full of tubs that are full of stuff waiting to be put away. I've got to move things in the bedroom so there is a clear path for them to setup my bed. Otherwise, I think things are ready. I'm exhausted. But the idea of sleeping tomorrow night in my own bed, the first time in three weeks, is very exciting.

I'm not even going to talk about what my food has been like, and I'm going to weigh in on Monday and just do damage control. See you then.

Week 53: The Joys of Housekeeping

I just came from Target where I purchased a Swiffer WetJet. My old place has carpeting everywhere, even the bathrooms! I hated that. The new place has tile everywhere except the bedrooms, and I love that. But I've been living here for over a week, and I figured it is time to clean the floors. So, without any market research, I picked up the Swiffer brand of cleaning mop stick thingy. No scientific or consumer awareness in my choice.

Years ago, before such products were on the market, I was experimenting with my own tools and techniques. My ultimate hard floor cleaner was a two step approach -- a spray bottle of a cleaner like 409 in my right hand, which I sprayed on the floor in front of me, followed by a swipe using a paper towel trapped under my left foot. I suppose the neighbors might have thought I was doing some strange dance if they were watching. I knew it seemed like less work than a traditional mop, and the floor got cleaner. I realized with the first of these cleaning mop stick thingies came on the market, that I had missed my opportunity. If only I had known then that I could charge $25 for the setup and that every woman in America would want one -- I would have invested the time and money for protyping and market research. Alas, another missed fortune in my life.

And now that I've used it for the first time, I have one observation. Kotex on a stick. Period.

And one question: How many Weight Watchers activity points can I earn from cleaning the whole house?

Week 53: No Surprise Here

Hello everyone!

Well, after a week of eating out and eating things that don't have to be refridgerated, I've gained two pounds! I'm not discouraged, I understand why this has happened, and I know small gains are a fact of life, even for people at their goal weight. The only problem is that I still don't have a fridge, so I'm facing yet another week of the same challenges. Hopefully, I'll figure out what to do so I won't have the same results to report next Monday!

Otherwise, I'm doing pretty well. Working a lot, trying to get caught up and a bit ahead because I know what my week is going to be like. Lots of packing still to do. And now, a dentist appointment for a root canal. (Like I need another big expense at this time!)

On the move, I've got some great news. I think an old friend is going to come out for a short visit of a few days to help me out. Not only will it be great to see him, but the help will be much appreciated!

Until next time, take care of yourself.

Week 52: French Fries

I used to love french fries. But honestly, in the last 15 months, I haven't missed them at all. Today, I slipped out for a fast food lunch, and they included fries in the bag, even though I hadn't ordered them. So what did I do? I ate most of them. And boy, were they delicious! I suppose that part of what made them taste so good is not having them for so long. I ate just a few, and decided that I would stop. But a few minutes later, I realized that I wanted some more, so I helped myself.

Bottom line -- this not having a fridge at this end is probably going to mean a weight gain this week. I'm preparing myself for this possibility. And I'm doing my best to make really good choices during this time. And the next time someone puts french fries in my bag by mistake, I'm not going to touch them!

Week 52: My First Post From My New Home

Well, I won't bore you with the details, but the move is probably going as well as any move can go. My monitor blew up / shorted out as soon I got it set up in its new office, and I'm having to backpeddle on the Internet because my high speed connection is not available today as promised. Things are going slowly, but steadily. I hope to be ready for the movers late next week. (Yes, I'm moving that slowly.) It's more about my physical movement than anything else.

Otherwise, I'm thrilled to be spending most of my time at the house. The downside is that I only have my futon, two chairs, the computer table and equipment, a handful of clothes (with no way to clean them), the basics for the shower and bathroom, and about half of the kitchen stuff. Every day I'm bringing more loads for the kitchen. Most of my pantry is here now, but with only the microwave and no fridge, meal preparation is rather challenging. Translation: I've been buying microwavable food for one meal at a time. And catching some fast food.

And a surprise -- I've just plugged in my new flat screen (LCD) monitor. I hated having to spend so much money, unexpectedly, at a time that is already very expensive for me. But I must add how much I love it. LOVE IT. I could carry it in one hand from the store, for example. It looks fabulous, and it is so great to read. Everything about it is wonderful. It wasn't that much more than a regular, heavy, high voltage type -- and it should last much longer. Did I mention that it doesn't put off the heat of the other kind? There's so much to love about it, now that it's here.

I'm going to try to remember to bring my scales on my trip tomorrow, so I should have a weight to post yet this week.

I'll be back as I have time....

Week 51: Nervous

I can't eat and I can't sleep! (Now, when have I ever said I couldn't eat before?) I go to sign the paperwork for my house in the morning. In fact, I have to leave the house in about 5 hours to get there on time. But do you think I can sleep tonight? Nope. And was I able to eat yesterday? Nope, except for a few bites of yogurt and a half a peanut butter sandwich.

All I can say is this... when the deal is done, I'm going to be ready for a big meal, and a long nap!

Week 51: Down More, But Not 20%

I needed to lose 1.5 pounds this week to reach my 20% milestone, and I came up just short of it. So it will be another week before there is another towel picture. Or, more accurately, another 1/2 pound! I've had a sneak preview, so I know what to expect. I'm hoping that YOU will be shocked at the progress. I know I was.

I've been managing to eat pretty well, considering everything going on with me right now. I'm trying to empty the fridge and freezer, which has all of those food items that looked good one time at the store, but never seem appetizing after they are at home. I wonder what I was thinking when I bought them. Because they are perishable items, I can't just donate them when I move... I either have to eat them or throw them out. I'm doing my best to eat them, but honestly, I know today that a few of those items are going to the curb. :-)

I had the most disgusting dinner tonight. I met a friend, and she likes this place near her house. I've never had anything bad there, but the food is never very tasty. It's pretty bland and boring, and the place is always full of people. It's a good price, but it's not really cheap, so I'm not sure why the place is still in business. Maybe I've just got a different set of taste buds. But if I never eat there again, I won't miss it. Believe me!

I've been casually cruising the "regular" size clothes when I've been in a Ross or TJ Maxx recently. Looking at some of the really cute things, and looking at the larger sizes (14 and 16). There is no way those sizes fit me, yet. I guess I was really looking, hoping to find something so adorable I could buy it now and enjoy waiting until it fits. But when I did notice a couple of things that were potentially keepers, I had this realization. Right now, with my current body shape, I have a good idea of what lines and styles look best on me. In another 20 or 30 pounds, that could all be different! I really don't know what shape body is underneath all of this stomach! So the best bet is to just wait until these cute smaller things actually fit. I am enjoying looking at them, so that won't stop. I just won't be buying anything until I can try it on. That seems like a good policy.

Don't ask about the closing. I'm just putting out my best prayers that the current owner will provide me with a garage door opener, a mail box key, and the replacement disposer that she put in writing she would provide. I guess I can contact Sears if I don't get an opener, and perhaps the Postmaster of my new town can help me get into my mailbox. And I can use the home warranty to replace the disposer. My other option is to refuse to sign the paperwork until those things are provided. I really hate to play hardball like that. But I might still do it. I've put my Realtor on notice that I'm considering it. In a few days, I'll let you know what has happened.

Until I'm back, just imagine me eating food I bought but don't like, groaning over every bite of it. Or, perhaps you can imagine me taking out a HUGE trash bag later in the week, filled with all of the stuff I don't like, and walking up and down the aisles at my neighborhood grocery, picking up just a few things to last me just a few days. Things I like! Wonder which way this will go?!

Week 51

I'm Tired, But Hanging In There

It's all of the crazy stuff in my life right now. Living amongst cardboard boxes. Trying to figure out what to pack last, and what boxes to take over first. Wondering if my new address labels are going to arrive. Wondering when to contact everyone with my new address (after the close of escrow -- which is a moving target at this point). My life is a bit crazy. I realized yesterday that I've been eating exactly the same things every day for about two weeks (except for my Big Mac day, that is!). While I generally don't think repetitive eating is a good idea, right now these foods are easy, and somewhat comforting, as I am in the midst of this big change. I can't wait to get to the other side, to have my fridge again full of food choices, cooking in my new kitchen. It will be wonderful. Until then, I've got options that keep my points in line, even if they aren't exactly exciting or interesting meals. Sometimes, easy and predictable is good.

I've been thinking that perhaps a big tub of sloppy joes might be a good thing to eat next week. I've been inventorying my groceries and have a short list of what I would need to make them up. It sounds better and better as I think about it. Maybe I'll slip out later for a quick grocery run.

Otherwise, I'm doing really well. Points are in line, I'm not quite drinking enough water, but I'm getting enough exercise these days. I'm not sitting too long at the computer, either. And my poor brain is overflowing with ideas, with the potential for new projects at the new house. Last night, I was daydreaming about what to do with all of the extra space in my bedroom, when I realized I could make a yoga center and a special seating area where I could work on very personal projects. Now, I just have to figure out how to accomodate the needs of sitting on the floor, sitting on a chair, perhaps stretching out a for a relaxing read, and table space -- without investing in a lot of furniture. I'll figure something out.

I stopped at my neighborhood Barnes & Noble the other day, and this magazine cover literally jumped out at me. That is the look I want on my new covered patio. I don't know how I can do it, but I'll figure that out. Perhaps not the same colors, but the same lazy summer day feeling, tropical feeling. Can you believe a bought a whole magazine because I was thunder-struck by the picture on the cover? I guess the magazine staff would be thrilled to learn that!

I was invited to a friends house for a pot luck last night, but it was cancelled at the last minute because his kids got sick. It was quite a challenge for me. I was nervous about being around new people, people who would see me as I am, not knowing that I've accomplished so much change to my appearance. And, I don't really have any clothes that fit that I was comfortable wearing. I was going to wear one of my demin flop dresses (flop because they are so big on me now). It would have been fine. I didn't realize until this invitation arrived that I'm feeling so awkward around people. I know that I can't just be in hiding until I think my appearance is good enough!!! I didn't even realize that I had any of that sort of idea floating around in my head. It just goes to show that there is a lot of mental and emotional work that goes along with a weight loss. Most of the time, I feel terrific, very proud of myself because of what I've accomplished so far, and I don't care whether or not people notice the change. So this hide-out-until-I-look-OK feeling is news to me, and something that I'm working to remove, roots and all, from my life. Adios bad idea!

The dinner has been rescheduled for two weeks. I'll let you know how I do getting ready for that one!

Have yourself a terrific week!

Week 50

Big Mac Attack!!

I'm remembering my promise to myself (not to mention how busy I am), so I'm just going to say that I spent a huge chunk of time today on the road between stops related to my move. Going home for dinner wasn't an option. Neither was taking the time to eat in a restaurant. So tonight, I had something I haven't had in a very long time. I had a Big Mac for dinner.

I'm happy to report that the experience was a mix of good and not-so-good. There were aspects of the taste that were delicious, but overall, it wasn't that good. I'm glad that I had the chance to eat one again, and I'll probably have another one before I die, but I won't be craving one, that is for sure. I don't miss them. But I had to really have one in my hands to know that for sure.

As far as car dining goes, it was an ok experience. I pulled off into the retail parking lot next door, and found a place where I could park in the shade. (Hey, it's been in the 90s here the last few days, and I always avoid running the air conditioner, so the shade was great.) I had plenty of napkins, so there wasn't a mess. I took my time and enjoyed it as much as possible. I sat for a while, maybe 10 minutes, and leisurely ate and watched the traffic through the shopping center.

In my next vehicle, I'm considering implementing a no eating policy. No doubt the bad habit of eating in the car (usually while driving) was common before I started eating healthy. I don't do it very often now. But even so, no matter how careful I am, eventually bits of food land somewhere other than my mouth. It would be best for the vehicle's condition not to eat in it. Just an idea I'm toying with.

Week 50

Nothing New To Report

I weighed myself so late last week (Saturday!!!) that there is no change today. Hey, I'll take no change over a gain any day! And I'm at 19.5% weight loss, so it is looking like NEXT WEEK is the new towel photo time! So tune in for that!

After looking at the picture I posted yesterday, I decided that I should give you another shot of my face from the first week. WOW! What a difference! Here they are!

Week 50

50 / 50

Usually, 50/50 means that there is an even split, but today, to me, it means something very different. It's week 50, a nice milestone number, and I've recently lost more than 50 pounds! I'll have a new weight tomorrow morning (if I remember, that is!) but for now, I've lost 53 pounds as of late last week.

I had a picture taken of me with visiting family about two weeks ago. I've blocked out my eyes, but you can still see the rest of my face. My denim dress is so big that it flops on me! Don't misunderstand -- I'm NOT complaining!