Things You Don't Know About Me
(and I'm willing to share)

• I've lived in the desert for ten years.
  
• I moved here for a job without ever having visited here first.
  
• I have a friend who lives here, someone I went to junior high, high school, and college with. We both live 2000 miles from our home town. He moved here first. Because of his family and work situation, I only see him a couple times a year, but we talk more frequently on the phone or by email.
  
• My cat, Skooch, is my second adult pet. My first cat, Rattle, was eaten by coyotes just over my garden wall one day last summer. I love my Skoochie snuggle bug, but I still miss my Rattle Cat.
  
• I drive a sport utility truck, a small one. Someone told me once it was a "girl truck" but I can't confirm or deny that report.
  
• I have worked for myself for 7 years and mostly work from my home. I love it.
  
• I have always throught I was fat, even when I really was just slightly overweight. When I look at old pictures of me, I see how close I was to really being thin, and I remember how horrible I felt even though the facts weren't that bad. Because of this, I believe my mind is my greatest battlefield, and that my positive body image has to start there.
  
• I'm extremely private about my identify online because I've had problems with people using things from my online journal against me in professional situations. After that happened, I didn't keep my journal online, and then I started to feel safe again when I began posting anonymously.
  
• My Mom knows about this site and my pictures. She is a great supporter of me through this process. I think she and my Dad are both glad to see me resolving this issue in my life. They never nag at me, only praise me. (If only my childhood had been so positive... LOL)
  
• In the past, I could never buy a bag of potatoe chips because I would eat the whole thing as soon as it was open. Today, I buy one bag of chips each month and give myself one ounce at a time with some lunches. It's one of my favorite treats.
  
• I learned to cook when I moved out after college. I was so broke that I couldn't afford fast food or even TV dinners. One of my favorite meals was tacos, and I would make enough that I could have leftovers at lunch for two days afterwards. I also learned a lot about potatoes during that time.
  
• When I was broke, I started making my own pizzas. At first, they were horrible, but I had to learn how to make them better because I couldn't afford to buy them. Now, I make a great pizza, and my biggest secret is the seasonings: oregano, basil, and garlic.
  
• I use very few points for breakfast, have a small lunch, and really save the points for dinner.
  
• Sometimes I catch myself worrying about how I will keep adjusting to fewer and fewer points as I lose weight. I don't feel overstuffed now. Then, I carried a 30 pound cat litter container in the house, and I started to appreciate how much work daily movements are at my current weight. Now, I really think that I will want less food as the weight comes off.
  
• I have one drawer in my kitchen devoted to Weight Watchers. I have my points calculator, my scale, a permanent marking pen (for writing on food packages), a stack of journals, and recipe cards. There are also some old grocery lists in there, I'm sure.
  
• Exercise is the one part of the program that I haven't been really focused on. I love to walk, but just haven't been in the mood to do it. I'm going to figure out a painless way to get it back into my daily life.
  
• I have taken steps to make my life more active. I walk the stairs instead of using the elevator. I park out in the parking lot and walk to the stores. In large shopping centers, I park in the middle and walk from store to store to keep moving more.
  
• I used to be a night owl, but in the last two years, I've started going to be early and getting up early, like 4 am or so. I really like the quiet of the middle fo the night, and I like getting up before the sun is up.
  
• If you knew me in real life, you would probably be surprised at how quiet I am. I save most of my words for writing.
  

Week 17
Cleopatra Here...

I have been sick the last few days, it seems to be a flu-like bug, but I know the real reason I've been sick is because I've been working too much. I don't want to blame the poor flu bug for MAKING me sick. I made myself sick.

So here is the Queen of Denial part... I went to my meeting yesterday to weigh in, and it showed a gain. I wasn't surprised because I have not been, ahem, using the bathroom for a few days now. I get like that when I'm sick. The scales showed a weight gain, and while it could be the return of my plateau, I believe it is the flu effect. Especially since I really took a huge dump when I got home from the meeting. HUGE. So, I haven't decided what I'm going to do with this weigh in. I'm thinking about hitting another meeting on Wednesday for another weigh in, just to see if things adjusted themselves and it really was the dump-factor. Otherwise, I'm going to have to process the idea that maybe I really did have a gain, even though I ate really well during that week. Although once I was sick, I did cut back quite a bit on my points... no appetite.

The bottom line is... I'm being honest that I'm not dealing with my weight gain. Does that still mean I'm in denial?

The best thing that has come of out this event is that I realized I'm not upset about the gain. I didn't freak out, get mad or anything else (like I did during my plateau). I know that I'm on track and I'm actually feeling more like I want to be very strict and accurate this week, just to really prove to myself that I'm on track. During the plateau, I would sometimes feel like all was lost, and want to give in and splurge just because the numbers weren't great. I hope this is a sign that I've really learned that it is more important to eat healthy than the results on the scale. (laughing) I guess time will tell...

Week 17

Sorry I disappeared for a few days. I've been working too much, and I actually took two whole days off! Unbelievable. I actually might feel like returning to work in the morning. Nah, maybe not.

But inspite of being out of groceries, I've creatively scrounged for food using what was on hand, and have kept within my points. I went to Boston Market last night near closing, and they gave me so much ham that I could use it today, both for one meal for me, and snackers for Skooch (you cat owners know what I'm talking about!).

Tomorrow is another meeting, and I'm hitting the grocery on the way home. It makes for a long long lunch, but it will work.

By the way, I've spent the biggest part of today cleaning up my office, which includes the out of season clothes closet in this room. I've got a huge pile of things to ship to my sister, a few to try to consign, and a whole bunch to give away. That will be my errand for Tuesday afternoon!

Next time I'm here, I'll be reporting on my weekly meeting results. Oh yes, and hopefully getting out that last issue of The Skinny.

Week 16
New Pictures

I'm still swamped, and still working on that issue of The Skinny. Thanks for being so patient with me! I hope to have it out before the end of the week.

I was in such a good mood after Monday's results that I stopped on my way home from a meeting and bought a new dress, two sizes smaller than my starting size! Wooo Hoooo!!!! And since I was trying on clothes, I decided to try on my red Ralph Lauren towel and posed in my bathroom for new pics! Check them out on the side. I still can't wrap that towel around me, but by golly, it's getting closer!

I think the next round of pictures will be in either 4 months or 30 pounds, which ever comes first! Based on my progress so far, I'm expecting the bottom edge of the towel to just about touch... we'll see what really happens!

Week 16
More Good News

I have lost 29 pounds!

I have reached my 10% mark, and I'm one pound from losing 30 pounds, another milestone. To celebrate, on my way home from the meeting, I stopped at a discount store and bought myself a new bathing suit. I haven't owned one for years, so it is about time. There are two pools within about 2 blocks of my condo.

Week 16
Feeling Angry (Again/Still)

The problem is that I'm working too much, and my life is out of balance. I'm angry that I've let this happen. I'm angry that I've worked through the entire weekend without having even one bit of fun, or even doing one bit of housework. This has got to end. DO YOU HEAR ME... THIS HAS GOT TO END. This is no way to live my life. This is no way to spend my time. This is certainly not a healthy lifestyle, spending hours on end writing and excluding the entire world.

Maybe it takes getting a fire lit under me to get me to change directions. Maybe it takes getting so tired that I can't find the energy to be polite or politically correct or think about things from the other person's point of view. At some point, I have to just decide what I want in my life, and let the rest go. I don't want working weekends, unless I've had two days off during the week. I don't want clients who don't pay their bills. I don't want icky people who are so anal that they get all worked up about issues and events that don't even touch their personal life, people who want to control parts of the world that they don't even participate in. What kind of head game is that? I'm tired of spending time with people like this!!!

Sigh. Rant over.

So what do I really want? What do I want in my life?

-- I want to work with clients who have interesting projects, who appreciate my talents and efforts, and who respect me in many ways, including paying my bills promptly.
-- I want to spend my working hours exploring new areas, new subjects and taking new twists on things -- things that engage my abilities and experience and aptitude and allow me to rise to the challenge.
-- I want a daily routine where all of my needs are met, my emotional needs, my physical needs, my spiritual needs, my need to pay the bills, my need to be involved in friends lives, my need to share with my family's experiences.
-- I want a balance of indoor and outdoor time, so that I can feel fresh breezes, see the horizon and hear the birds, and at the same time, create my art, explore the world of ideas, and crack open the oyster that is my universe.
-- I want people who have their own thoughts, people who see their own life as a grand adventure and explore it with a sense of perspective and humor. I really like people like this.
-- I want to laugh several times a day, at myself, at the irony of the world, at the puns I encounter, at the silliness of things around me.
-- I want to share something from inside me every day.
-- I want to learn something new about myself every day, and something new about the world around me every day.
-- I want to enjoy this journey, this lifestyle change I'm making, and the things I'm learning about myself.

I feel much better.

Fruited Rice Pudding
(modified from the Best of Weight Watcher's Magazine, vol. 1)

Ingredients:
2 cups skim milk, divided
1 3/4 c water
1/2 c uncooked white rice
1/2 tsp salt
1/3 c sugar
1 tsp vanilla extract
2 c strawberries, cut into small pieces
1 tbs blackberry preserves (optional)

Directions:
1. Combine 1 cup of milk, water, rice and salt in a saucepan. Bring to a boil, reduce heat and cover. Let simmer for 30 minutes.
2. Stir in remaining milk, sugar and vanilla. Cover and let simmer for 25 minutes, stirring occasionally until creamy.
3. Remove from the heat, add strawberries and preserves (optional) and let stand for 5 minutes.

Serve warm or chilled.

Servings: 4 (1 cup each) Points: 3

The original recipe called for mango and pineapple, so you can substitute any fruits in this recipe, adjusting the points accordingly. You can use fresh fruit or frozen. This is really yummy, and although it takes some time, it is very easy to make. I have been buying rice pudding at my grocery store for over $3 for about 3 cups, and it has 3 points for each 1/2 cup serving.

Week 16
Munchie Attacks

The last two days have been driving me crazy. I fix myself a nice meal, and about an hour later, I want to eat. I'm not hungry, I know I'm not hungry, and yet I just want something to munch on. I'm so glad this doesn't happen very often. Tonight, I discovered something that really helped to put an end to it (at least it hasn't returned in the last few hours!). I made some lemon zinger tea, and I added 1 tsp of this great mango flavoring that I found in a bottle in the tea section. They have several flavors, including raspberry. The flavoring is zero points, and the tea is zero points. There was enough of a sweetness to the taste that I felt like I had enjoyed a bit of a dessert without the points. Try it the next time you are feeling the munchies.

Week 15
Swamped, But Have Good News

Remember those jeans I pulled out a few weeks back, the ones that I was so thrilled to be able to wear again? I wore them last Thursday to a meeting, and washed them this week. I pulled them out of the dryer this morning and wore them to yet another meeting. But today, something was different. I pulled them up, and started to tuck in my shirt, when *holy cow* they are WAY TOO BIG! They still stay up, but they are so sloppy too big that I had to leave my shirt untucked just to look better. WOW. And this after a week where the scales said I gained weight.

It just goes to prove what I've said all along... the scales only measure one aspect of this lifestyle change.

I was all excited this morning driving to my meeting, thinking that it was time to buy a smaller pair. Then I remembered that I already own smaller pairs (see, Queen of Denial kept them in the back of her closet, just in case...) and even if I didn't own a smaller size, it's too close to summer's heat to buy such heavy clothes. When it is 110 degrees in the shade, with 80% humidity (which pretty much describes late June through early September in the desert), jeans are the LAST item of clothing I would consider wearing.

Bottom line... I'm jazzed again. Now, I can't wait to try on other clothes to see what happens... maybe I'm down a size in everything!

I promise to get out The Skinny in the next few days, and to update my Ralph Lauren red towel pictures! I know there is a huge difference because I did a sneak preview the other night after my bath.

Isn't it amazing how just a few days can go by, the the challenges have all melted away?

Staying Real

It happened. After only losing a very small amount over the last two weeks, I've had my first gain. Overall, I've been at the same weight now for almost a month. My first plateau. I was quite upset last week over the small loss, but after all of the trouble I've had the last few days, I really expected a zero loss, or even a small gain. I wasn't upset, and I'm not upset about it now. If I let myself, I could get frustrated over the lack of weight loss in the last month, but honestly, I don't want to go there. With two very small exceptions, I've continued to eat right, like a champ. The results are out of my control. All I can control is what I do, and I'm very proud of my successful lifestyle change. I know that once this time passes, the weight loss will resume, and I'll soon be proud of additional losses.

One change I've made is that I've signed up today to joing the Weight Watchers e-tools, their online journal, recipe calculator and other things that sound quite nice. It's about the cost of another meeting once a month, but I'll try it for a while and see if it helps. I'm more determined than ever to do everything by the book. For example, I know I've been slacking on the water drinking, so starting today, I've got renewed enthusiasm for every little detail. It feels like I'm starting with a clean page today, and ready to start the next phase of my lifestyle change.

Week 15
Update

It's only been a few hours since I wrote about my struggles, but I feel so much better. I don't feel so edgy any more, and I'm sure that my hormones have leveled off. I'm really relieved!

For dinner I decided to have the pork chops, asparagus and potatoes. In fact, I had an extra chop that I was going to cook and put away for tomorrow's lunch, but I decided to eat the extra protein in place of some of the potatoes. It is more points, yes, but also more protein.

In looking back, I'm glad that I had the can of fruit to eat when the cravings were at their worst. I'm going to replace the can, and make sure to have something that is somewhat safe on hand for times when I have cravings. I'm just glad that I feel better.

Week 15
Keeping It Real

I haven't written much in the last few days because I've been really struggling with food. For the most part, these last months have been relatively easy. They have required strong decisions, and repeated decisions, but the hard times have been mostly about issues other than food. The last two days, it has been food, and cravings like I don't remember ever having before. I postponed writing about this because I kept thinking (in my eternal optimism) that it had to end soon. I'm in the second day, and I hope it is finished with me.

I know that this is connected directly to my period, which also started two days ago. One thing I'm glad to say... since starting this program, I've had fewer PMS-like symptoms, and more regular periods. That is awesome. In fact, this month my period is right on time and I had NO PMS-like symptoms. But I've also had the most incredible cravings that I've ever experienced. Last night, I was having cravings, and when I checked back over what I had eaten for the day, I was points short. So I thought that the cravings were possibly real hunger, and thought it was OK to fix something somewhat nutritious for a snack. An hour later, I was craving more... the bit I ate only seemed to make the craving worse. I waited 10 minutes, hoping that the craving would pass, and it didn't. I ended up fixing 2 tbs (unpopped) of popcorn, hoping that the munching would satifsy me. But even that wasn't enough to end the craving. I ended up being a bit miserable after that. I finally ended up fixing a half peanut butter sandwich, and really blowing out my points for the day. I chose peanut butter because it is not only sweet, but it has enough protein that I figured I would not have any real hunger for several hours after, unlike snack foods without protein.

It seemed to work... I was able to get to sleep and didn't have much more trouble after that half sandwich. But this afternoon, it started all over again, only stronger. I have been craving sweets like crazy. I tried another half sandwich of peanut butter, and while it filled me up, it didn't solve the cravings. I ended up eating a whole can of fruit, which was supposed to be four servings, and have found some temporary relief. I'm getting ready to fix my dinner now, planning on having pork chops, asparagus and maybe mashed potatoes. I'm thinking about fixing myself a full dinner using all of the points that I normally use for dinner, ignoring the fact that this will put me over the top again today. I'm afraid that if I cut back on dinner, I'll be really hungry later, and I don't want another evening like I had last night.

What is amazing to me is how scared I feel inside. My brain is telling me that this is OK, and that in the scheme of things, two days over points doesn't really matter, even if it means I have no weight loss this week. Two bad days in 15 weeks is nothing, just nothing, to be worried about. I know that this voice in my head is the right voice to listen to. The scared voice is the same part of me that cried when a friend didn't have time to talk to me this afternoon, and is fueled by hormones that are a bit out of control right now. I know that if I just stay calm, things will all work themselves out.

It's one of those days where I just want to go to bed and wake up tomorrow. Know what I mean?

Buyer Beware

The companies that produce food items are supposed to provide accurate information on the labels, information that we in WW use to calculate points. Here is a case where the labels was wrong, dramatically wrong. I don't know what kind of food item this is, but I've never heard of the company. I think there are laws that require this information to be correct. Just be careful if you are eating a lot of packaged food from a company that isn't well known, especially if they are snack foods.

Week 14
New Tool/Toy

I have been thinking about buying one of the Weight Watches digital scales. I haven't yet because they are $40. I suppose that is about the correct price, but it just isn't something I will buy without considering it. I think it would be to my advantage to really be able to weigh out the one ounce of potatoe chips that makes one serving instead of counting out the 15 they estimate. After all, the chips on the top of the bag are bigger! Also, I spend some time doing math to figure out how much of a fish fillet is actually 4 ounces based on the raw weight. I just think having a scales will be faster and easier, and more accurate. I don't know if I've been overestimating what I can eat, or underestimating, but with a scales, it will be accurate.

Yesterday, I was doing a stock up trip to Target (cat litter, toilet paper, lightbulbs, you get the idea...) when I discovered that they carry digital kitchen scales, and they are CHEAPER by $10. There is one difference, the WW scale comes with a clear plastic food container that sits on the scales. The Target one is just the scales, but get this... the scale has a feature where you set an empty container on, any container, and it weighs the container, and then you hit a button, add the food to be weighed and it subtracts the weight of the container! So with the Target scale, I can use every container in my kitchen and always get an accurate reading. I read the instructions last night, but I don't have enough batteries to feed it. So today, I'm back to Target to get more batteries (and a couple of things I forgot yesterday) and then my kitchen will have its own scales! Wooo Hoooo! And I saved $10!

Week 14
Positive Life Outlook

I always love to find things in other people's blogs (online journals) that encourage me. I just visited one of my regular stops, the blog of Wil Wheaton (Stand By Me, Star Trek: Next Generation) and was thrilled to find this gem:

"Taking out the garbage cans tonight, I saw that a huge garden spider had built an enormous web in my backyard. I love this, because this huge, complex, beautiful web is vital for this spider's survival, yet it will be gone by noon tomorrow. That spider is going to build an equally beautiful and necessary web again tomorrow night, and this web will be as unique and as complex as tonight's. This is a great lesson."

For me, this kind of an outlook on life is the only worthwhile outlook. My life is too precious to waste its moments looking out at the world through dirty windows. I'm not wasting one spec of time or energy regretting the time I've spent with this extra weight, or even that I put on the weight in the first place. The important thing to me, the only thing, is that I'm making changes TODAY to let myself become more and more of the person I want to be. That's all I can do, and all I can expect from myself.

I expect to find the best things in life, and I look for them in every person, situation, place and idea. Yea, sometimes I mess up, but when I keep myself focused, it is amazing to see how the world twists and opens to show me the best it has to offer.

Week 14
An EGGcellent Cure For Discouragement

I've been eating very well, and I've been looking forward to reaching my 10% goal. Because I missed my meeting last week, I figured that I had lost about 3 pounds since my last meeting. But when I got weighed, I was shocked to learn I had only lost .4 pounds. Not even a half pound. For the first time, I actually considered taking off my shoes! But I had decided up front that I wasn't going to worry about how much my clothes weighed, and figure that over the weeks, the clothing weight would be balanced out.

I know I shouldn't have been disappointed by this result. It was a loss, and I know that I'm doing my best. I took my seat in the room, but a few minutes before the meeting started, I bolted. I just couldn't sit there. I wanted to cry a little, and I wanted to do something dramatic, something to really splurge. Fortunately, I didn't do either one. I drove around for a bit, and then decided to try out the new highway that opened in Phoenix over the weekend. (It's very nice, by the way.) I called and told someone how I was feeling, and how I knew it was ridiculous for me to feel this way. I know all of this. But I still felt it.

Here is what turned my day around... I was waiting in traffic at a light when I spotted a white VW painted up for a local chain of breakfast restaurants called The Good Egg. The license plate was "EGG Mobile." Besides the advertising pictures, it had a sign pointing out the EGGhaust, and said "How's my driving... EGGcellent (and other options)." This made me laugh out loud, just what I needed. I sat there for so long, that I decided to call the "How Am I Driving" phone number. I got voice mail, and explained that I was in traffic with the EGG Mobile and thanked them for making my day by making me laugh. I told them that I really enjoy their restaurants. And I hung up.

My day was turned around as soon as I started laughing. The sun even seemed to shine a bit brighter. I felt grateful for the nearly 27 pounds that I've lost, and the huge lifestyle change I've made. And then my cell phone rang. It was the driver of the EGG Mobile, who had just retrieved my message. We talked briefly, and he told me that he was going to leave something for me at the counter of the restaurant I usually visit. I thanked him for making my day twice! I'm going to stop by there tomorrow to pick it up, and I'm very EGGcited about it.

The moral of this experience is: When I'm feeling blue, there is nothing like silly humor to turn things around.

The other moral is: When things are going good, they just keep getting better.

Garlic Shrimp
Adapted from Cream of the Crop from Weight Watcher's Magazine.
Ingredients:

1 tbs olive oil
1/4 tsp crushed red pepper
8 garlic cloves, minced
1 bay leaf
1 1/2 lbs large shrimp, peeled
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 c dry white wine
2 tbs fresh parsley, minced
1/4 tsp thyme
1/4 tsp lemon pepper

Directions:
1. Heat oil in large non-stick skillet over medium heat. Add red pepper, garlic and bay leaf. Simmer for 30 seconds.
2. Add shrimpt to skillet, add salt and saute for 3 minutes.
3. Remove shrimp from skillet and set aside.
4. Add wine, parsley, thyme and lemon pepper to skillet, bring to a boil and cook until reduced to 1/4 c, about 1 minute.
5. Return shrimp to skillet, toss to coat. Remove bay leaf.

Serves: 4 Points: 4

Apricot Glazed Pork Roast
Adapted from Two's Company by Weight Watchers Magazine.

Ingredients:
1/2 c apricot preserves
4 tsp dijon mustard
1 1/2 tsp dried thyme
1/4 tsp lemon pepper
2 lbs rolled boned pork loin roast

Directions:
1. Preheat oven to 350.
2. Combine preserves, mustard, thyme and pepper in a bowl and stir well.
3. Place roast on broiler pan and brush with apricot mixture. Insert meat thermometer into the thickest portion.
4. Bake at 350 for 1:55 or until thermometer reaches 160, basting occasionally with preserves.
5. Let stand 15 minutes before slicing.
6. Slice roast into 6 4 0z portions. Store in fridge up to 4 days or 3 months in freezer.

Serves: 12 (2 oz portions) Points: 4

They stay great in the freezer. Here is what I've done with them from the freezer.

1. Thaw 4 oz (2 portions).
2. Mix up some additional apricot mixture: 2 tbs apricot preserves, 1 tsp dijon mustard, 1/8 tsp thyme, dash of key lime pepper (or lemon pepper).
3. Place meat in a frying pan on medium heat. Cover with additional apricot mixture. Add pepper to taste. Warm on both sides, basting as needed.

Serves: 2 (2 oz meat with 1 tbs mixture) Points: 5

The key lime pepper is really wonderful with this, the lime adds a great contrast to the apricot. If you can't find this at your grocery, try adding 1/2 tsp lime juice and use either lemon pepper or any black pepper to taste.

Week 14
Recipes

I've made a lot of yummy things lately, and I'm behind on posting recipes.

Week 13
More New Foods

I made a trip to the grocery last night, and finally was able to find some fish that looked fresh. Tonight, I had beer battered orange roughy with mashed potatoes. I meant to have asparagus with it. I pulled the asparagus out of the fridge and set it into the steamer pot on the back burner. But I forgot about it during the rush to fix the batter, and so it never got water added to it, and never got turned on. I discovered it sitting there on the back burner when I went to clean up. I guess I'll have the asparagus with a meal later this week!

The fish was good, but overall, it's not a recipe that I'll plan to fix again. Just not that exciting.

I do have the ingredients to make a mint cucumber salad. What's strange about this is that I never have like cucumbers in the past, but this recipe sounded good. I'm discovering that I'm much more flexible about foods than I have been in the past. I'm going to make this tomorrow (at least that is the plan) and if I don't like it, I don't like it. But I might just discover something really wonderful, too.

It's really exciting to me to see how many new foods I'm willing to try. I've been a somewhat picky eater in the past, really only eating the same things over and over. At least for now, my food courage is high, and I'm finding lots of great new things.

Week 13
More Looking Ahead

Apologies to everyone looking for the last issue of The Skinny... my work schedule has kept me unusually busy. Hopefully, I'll get the next issue out on Friday or Saturday.

I've been thinking about this next phase of my lifestyle change, the new phase I seem to be entering. That's not quite right... its more that I feel that the first phase is coming to an end, and I'm preparing for the second phase now. I've been thinking about stopping my attendance at Weight Watcher's meetings at the end of this month. It's not the expense, exactly. But I figure with the first few weeks dues, I can purchase myself a really great set of scales. And I can weigh myself in every week. I'm not getting much from the meetings the last 4 or 5 I've attended.

I want to make sure that I've really made myself accountable if I quit meetings. One thing that would go away is my access to the journals, and with them, easy recordkeeping. I'm thinking about creating something in Xcel that would let me track my daily points, and do the math for me! The only disadvantage -- I would have to come upstairs to the computer, where I've kept my journals in the kitchen. I'm sure I could come up with something, though, that would seem like an improvement, even if it was slightly less convenient.

Part of thinking of moving away from meetings is trying to reach the "after" state of my project. I really don't see myself continuing to attend WW meetings after I reach my goal. I figure that if I quit and it doesn't work out, I can always rejoin if I want to. That's not a problem. So, the real issue for me is making sure that I don't start getting sloppy with my daily food.

I'm not making the decision today, I'm just thinking about it. If I quit, I will most likely do it at the end of the month. Maybe I should go out shopping for a set of scales this weekend!

Week 13
Reaching A Plateau Part 2

Over the last three months I've gone a long way towards changing my lifestyle, but I'm feeling like there are other directions I need to go, new growth that needs to take place. It's not that I really WANT to suddenly become this active, sporty type person... but because of my success with the first phase of my changes, I'm suddenly interested in doing things that never had appealed to me before. It amazes me how making one change leads to other changes, things that could not have guess would change. Now that I'm seeing results and feeling very positive about what I've got going on, I'm looking for the next growth opportunity, and new ways to expand my success even further.

I talked with a fitness guy at work about what he does for exercise, and I found he feels the same way I do about the gym. He would rather be outside, also. It was an interesting conversation to have, not because of what I learned from him, but because it was new for me to see and hear myself having such a conversation about exercise. I could see today that I'm really becoming a new person on the inside.

As I drove past the public golf course on my way into the office, I thought about what it would be like to have golf clubs in the back, and pull in here and golf. I have also imagined my truck with a bike rack on it, and wondered where I might store a bike in my house or yard. I don't even know if I can get a bike rack for my truck, but it is probably out there. I don't see myself playing tennis, mostly because I'm too far out of shape right now to be able to do it. Maybe I'll take some lessons later on, when I'm lighter on my feet. Who knows? I've also thought about resuming roller skating, the real old fashioned kind of skates, not blades. Something will happen...

I made up my mind that I'm going to resume yoga classes starting tonight. I don't know how long I will do this, but I'm going tonight. Maybe for a while the classes will help me to learn some more and to get back into the routine of yoga. Hmmm... maybe I'll even consider going to WomanHeart this year. It would be nice to go when I'm not in the middle of a disaster. I can certainly work it around my work schedule... oh, that's the project live week. Well, it is something to think about, anyway.

Updated

After I wrote this, I did decide to go to my yoga class Tuesday night. It was a great experience, and I'm considering going every week for a while, just to be me inspired to resume my morning yoga routine. Once that happens, I can go to yoga once a month or so, and feel good about it.

Week 13
Reaching A Plateau

Most often, when people talk about a plateau, they mean that they have temporarily stopped losing weight. But today, through a series of things I have been thinking about, it occured to me that I've hit a plateau even though I'm still losing weight. My plateau is about lifestyle. Over the last three months, I've worked hard at designing a new life for myself. It was obvious that my old lifestyle wasn't working for me... it left me about 100 pounds overweight! So I threw everything out and started over. I'm eating new foods, I'm eating very differently, and I'm looking at my life differently. In every way, my changes have been a total success.

So, how could I think I'm at a plateau?

I went back to my original goal, the real reason that I'm doing this. Yes, I have smaller goals, like being able to wrap a towel around me. But the REAL goal is more basic than that. At the end of last year, I was taking inventory of my life, and looking at my assets. At first, I just looked at the financial things, and then my view expanded to include more things, tangible and intangible. At that time, I set this goal -- that at the start of 2003 I want to be able to count my health as one of my assets.

That's a big goal. In the last months, I've been focused on learning how to eat in a healthy way, but I really haven't expanded much beyond that. My level of exercise, for example, is minimal, enough that I feel good, but not enough that I'm really getting in shape. Now, with all of these area, I have another guideline -- I want to make changes that I can live with forever. This isn't a short term project, this is finding a new way to live through each day. I could develop an agressive exercise program, but that isn't what my goal is about. I really need to shake up this part of my life, to really become a MORE ACTIVE PERSON. Not temporarily, but permanently. I want to feel like I'm living inside a well tuned physical machine, with muscles and flexibility and endurance I can count on.

As I sit here tonight, I'm not sure what form this will take, and I'm not sure I can see that far into the future, anyway. Eventually, as I reach my body's ideal weght, I may find I take up an exercise hobby, something recreational that I do regularly. I don't want to just start hanging out in a gym, either. I want to MOVE and DO SOMETHING. The difference for me between walking on a treadmill and moving through my neighborhood is night and day. I want to be in the neighborhood, having the scenery change, taking in the horizon, and getting fresh air. I may take up tennis, or golf, or mountain biking... at this point I have no idea. But for today, for this week, I want to start to connect with the inside of my body.