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Tuesday, May 28, 2002
Week 21
Making Progress
I have been pretty excited the last day about my loss this week, and I've been thinking about the big picture. I don't have a goal weight, but realistically, I can ballpark the amount I needed to lose as about 125 pounds. It might be more, but I don't believe it will be less. So, having lost almost 40 pounds, I realized that I'm not quite 1/3 of the way to my goal right now! For so many weeks, I've been facing that unknown future, not knowing my goal weight, not knowing my goal size, just hanging with the big picture: I'm going to be healthy. And for the first time, I feel like I've got some perspective on this part of the journey. To think that I'm about 1/3 of the total weight loss is really a fabulous feeling. I have a renewed sense that this goal is not only possible, it's really happening right before me.
I look at myself in the mirror, and all I see is stomach. I know the stomach is smaller, significantly smaller, but I still see how far I have to go. I started at about 80% body fat, which is a horrible thought and fact... and I've still got so far to go. I'm not discouraged, and I'm not looking at the glass as half empty. I'm just saying that the day to day reality is that when I'm naked, I see a big stomach and I still wear big sized clothes. Daily reality says that it's a LONG journey. So getting this glimpse that maybe I've travelled about 1/3 the distance is suddenly very exciting to me.
Making Progress
I have been pretty excited the last day about my loss this week, and I've been thinking about the big picture. I don't have a goal weight, but realistically, I can ballpark the amount I needed to lose as about 125 pounds. It might be more, but I don't believe it will be less. So, having lost almost 40 pounds, I realized that I'm not quite 1/3 of the way to my goal right now! For so many weeks, I've been facing that unknown future, not knowing my goal weight, not knowing my goal size, just hanging with the big picture: I'm going to be healthy. And for the first time, I feel like I've got some perspective on this part of the journey. To think that I'm about 1/3 of the total weight loss is really a fabulous feeling. I have a renewed sense that this goal is not only possible, it's really happening right before me.
I look at myself in the mirror, and all I see is stomach. I know the stomach is smaller, significantly smaller, but I still see how far I have to go. I started at about 80% body fat, which is a horrible thought and fact... and I've still got so far to go. I'm not discouraged, and I'm not looking at the glass as half empty. I'm just saying that the day to day reality is that when I'm naked, I see a big stomach and I still wear big sized clothes. Daily reality says that it's a LONG journey. So getting this glimpse that maybe I've travelled about 1/3 the distance is suddenly very exciting to me.
Monday, May 27, 2002
Week 21
I've lost 38 pounds!!!!
Check out my progress chart.
I've had a good week, but I have to admit, I was surprised by the great results. I keep expecting somehow that I'm going to feel the weight melting off. It's almost like I expect to know what I will weigh before I step on the scales. Like I will suddenly develop body ESP... and just know what is going on inside my own cells, like I can hear their collective decisions.
Something I have realized this week -- I've been tired, sleeping out of my usual pattern, and I've been living without air conditioning, trying to adjust my body to the summer heat. I've felt a bit out of sorts, just a little uncomfortable. I was letting that discomfort influence the feeling I had about my food/eating results. (Notice how I very cleverly avoided using the "D" word in that sentence?)
Maybe I can get to a place where I can read some sort of biofeedback and really have an idea of how my body is progressing. But if I do, I've got to separate that small voice from all of the other voices going on inside my body... the voice of individual organs, the voice of muscle tension, the voice crying out for exercise, the voice of dealing with the summer heat... it would be quite an accomplishment.
I've lost 38 pounds!!!!
Check out my progress chart.
I've had a good week, but I have to admit, I was surprised by the great results. I keep expecting somehow that I'm going to feel the weight melting off. It's almost like I expect to know what I will weigh before I step on the scales. Like I will suddenly develop body ESP... and just know what is going on inside my own cells, like I can hear their collective decisions.
Something I have realized this week -- I've been tired, sleeping out of my usual pattern, and I've been living without air conditioning, trying to adjust my body to the summer heat. I've felt a bit out of sorts, just a little uncomfortable. I was letting that discomfort influence the feeling I had about my food/eating results. (Notice how I very cleverly avoided using the "D" word in that sentence?)
Maybe I can get to a place where I can read some sort of biofeedback and really have an idea of how my body is progressing. But if I do, I've got to separate that small voice from all of the other voices going on inside my body... the voice of individual organs, the voice of muscle tension, the voice crying out for exercise, the voice of dealing with the summer heat... it would be quite an accomplishment.
Sunday, May 26, 2002
Week 21
The Miracle of Change
I've made a lot of changes in my life over the last ten years. I've moved 2000 miles away from home, family and friends to a place I'd never seen before. I've quit my corporate career and started working for myself. I've moved from living in apartments to a condo. I've gotten myself out of debt (twice). I've opened my heart and mind to new spiritual ideas, studied with three different teachers, and come to terms with some of the "unseen" universe. I've taken risks, I've grabbed for the brass ring, and I've slowed down enough to start enjoying my life instead of managing it.
I've done a lot. Looking back over the years, the list is pretty impressive, but it didn't happen like that. It was one baby step after another, punctuated with a few huge leaps here and there. Sometimes it was scary, sometimes I didn't know what to do, and sometimes I wondered if I was crazy. But I've made it this far, and I've come a long way in creating the life I've always wanted.
With one exception. Maybe it was laziness, maybe it was fear, maybe it was shame -- but whatever the reason, I never once considered creating a healthy lifestyle until now. It was the one door that I was afraid to open, my little secret with huge visible consequences. Maybe everyone but me knew that I needed to do it. And as hard as I avoided it, I have to admit now, that I'm relieved that I'm not keeping my secret inside of me any more. It isn't something that I have on a back burner, in fear that the pot will boil over and one day a doctor or lover will tell me that I have to change. It was the part of me that felt permanent.
As I have made changes in my life, the process has been pretty much the same, even if the goals were very different. First, I got an itch, a feeling that something wasn't right in my life, something didn't fit me. From that, I could usually get a pretty good idea of what I didn't want in my life any more.
But turning that into a goal, into something that I could describe that I wanted in my life was a bit trickier. I learned to look at the world around me like a buffet, where I could pick and choose pieces of anything I saw and put them together in any way I wanted. Slowly, I would get an image of what I wanted in my life. Once I had that, I would sit and imagine how it would feel once this thing appears in my life. I learned not to think about it, but to feel it. I learned not to imagine what things would look like, but to feel how satifying it would be to use them and enjoy them. And then I would discover they were in my life. But the process doesn't end there. Once I get something new in my life, it changes me. It changes what I want, and creates new desires in me.
Isn't life a wonderful process?
The Miracle of Change
I've made a lot of changes in my life over the last ten years. I've moved 2000 miles away from home, family and friends to a place I'd never seen before. I've quit my corporate career and started working for myself. I've moved from living in apartments to a condo. I've gotten myself out of debt (twice). I've opened my heart and mind to new spiritual ideas, studied with three different teachers, and come to terms with some of the "unseen" universe. I've taken risks, I've grabbed for the brass ring, and I've slowed down enough to start enjoying my life instead of managing it.
I've done a lot. Looking back over the years, the list is pretty impressive, but it didn't happen like that. It was one baby step after another, punctuated with a few huge leaps here and there. Sometimes it was scary, sometimes I didn't know what to do, and sometimes I wondered if I was crazy. But I've made it this far, and I've come a long way in creating the life I've always wanted.
With one exception. Maybe it was laziness, maybe it was fear, maybe it was shame -- but whatever the reason, I never once considered creating a healthy lifestyle until now. It was the one door that I was afraid to open, my little secret with huge visible consequences. Maybe everyone but me knew that I needed to do it. And as hard as I avoided it, I have to admit now, that I'm relieved that I'm not keeping my secret inside of me any more. It isn't something that I have on a back burner, in fear that the pot will boil over and one day a doctor or lover will tell me that I have to change. It was the part of me that felt permanent.
As I have made changes in my life, the process has been pretty much the same, even if the goals were very different. First, I got an itch, a feeling that something wasn't right in my life, something didn't fit me. From that, I could usually get a pretty good idea of what I didn't want in my life any more.
But turning that into a goal, into something that I could describe that I wanted in my life was a bit trickier. I learned to look at the world around me like a buffet, where I could pick and choose pieces of anything I saw and put them together in any way I wanted. Slowly, I would get an image of what I wanted in my life. Once I had that, I would sit and imagine how it would feel once this thing appears in my life. I learned not to think about it, but to feel it. I learned not to imagine what things would look like, but to feel how satifying it would be to use them and enjoy them. And then I would discover they were in my life. But the process doesn't end there. Once I get something new in my life, it changes me. It changes what I want, and creates new desires in me.
Isn't life a wonderful process?
Saturday, May 25, 2002
Housekeeping
First, thanks to all of The Skinny readers who have been patient with me. I've got an issue in the works.
Second, thanks to all of the new sites that are linking to me, and thanks to everyone visiting from those sites.
Third, I know that I haven't been posting very much lately, but I've not really had anything to say. My projects are coming to a close, which means that things are a bit crazier than normal, and I've preoccupied with thoughts about what I will do next for work. The good thing is that I haven't been worried or really stressed about it, and it hasn't driven me to eating crunchy things (my preference for stress relief).
I've started using my George Forman grill instead of the oven. It's just too hot to warm up the whole oven. The grill does a great job, and doesn't heat up the whole kitchen/downstairs when I use it. Tonight, I had a chicken breast with the lemon garlic marinade on the side, a modification of the usual recipe. At the end, right before I pulled the chicken off the grill, I opened it up and poured the rest of the marinade over the meat so it would get cooked and drip off (into a fresh pan). It was great. I cooked two pieces of meat so I would have two meals from one time heating up the kitchen. I try to think ahead...
I've gotten back into my usual sun tea practice. If you have never tried to brew tea outside using the sun, you don't know what you are missing. Put the water into a glass container with a lid to keep critters and such out of it. For a gallon of water, I add 3 tea bags, and sometimes I use a variety of flavors. It takes just a short time in Phoenix for the tea to brew (45 minutes), but might take as much as a couple of hours in other latitudes. And you can let it sit outside for several hours, or put it out when you leave for work in the morning. It won't be ruined when you get home. When the jar is dark, the tea is done. It has a more mellow taste than regular brewing, and is so much better than the instant stuff or canned stuff. I keep it in the jar, and fill a pitcher with ice cubes, and then pour the tea over the ice. It dilutes it about half, which is about where I like it. I have been drinking it straight this week, but here are some ideas you can use:
One thing I've been doing lately is mixing regular black tea with fruit teas. The fruit teas are a bit more expensive, so I will put two fruit teas into a jar along with one black tea. I've also mixed different flavors of fruit teas to make my own fruity combinations. And, of course, if you try this and you think the tea is too weak, you can always add more tea bags to the jar for brewing.
First, thanks to all of The Skinny readers who have been patient with me. I've got an issue in the works.
Second, thanks to all of the new sites that are linking to me, and thanks to everyone visiting from those sites.
Third, I know that I haven't been posting very much lately, but I've not really had anything to say. My projects are coming to a close, which means that things are a bit crazier than normal, and I've preoccupied with thoughts about what I will do next for work. The good thing is that I haven't been worried or really stressed about it, and it hasn't driven me to eating crunchy things (my preference for stress relief).
I've started using my George Forman grill instead of the oven. It's just too hot to warm up the whole oven. The grill does a great job, and doesn't heat up the whole kitchen/downstairs when I use it. Tonight, I had a chicken breast with the lemon garlic marinade on the side, a modification of the usual recipe. At the end, right before I pulled the chicken off the grill, I opened it up and poured the rest of the marinade over the meat so it would get cooked and drip off (into a fresh pan). It was great. I cooked two pieces of meat so I would have two meals from one time heating up the kitchen. I try to think ahead...
I've gotten back into my usual sun tea practice. If you have never tried to brew tea outside using the sun, you don't know what you are missing. Put the water into a glass container with a lid to keep critters and such out of it. For a gallon of water, I add 3 tea bags, and sometimes I use a variety of flavors. It takes just a short time in Phoenix for the tea to brew (45 minutes), but might take as much as a couple of hours in other latitudes. And you can let it sit outside for several hours, or put it out when you leave for work in the morning. It won't be ruined when you get home. When the jar is dark, the tea is done. It has a more mellow taste than regular brewing, and is so much better than the instant stuff or canned stuff. I keep it in the jar, and fill a pitcher with ice cubes, and then pour the tea over the ice. It dilutes it about half, which is about where I like it. I have been drinking it straight this week, but here are some ideas you can use:
- I used to mix tea and lemonade (an Arnold Palmer, I was told) but these days, I'm staying away from the sugar of lemonade. Instead, I'm adding a generous squirt of lemon juice to the glass. The lemon is zero points.
- If you like mint (and I love mint) you can add either fresh peppermint leaves or dried peppermint leaves (cut up) to the tea. I've started adding the mint to ice cube trays and then filling the trays with water and using them in my glass, but you can add the mint directly into the pitcher. The mint, like nearly all herbs, is zero points.
- I found this wonderful tea flavoring in the tea section. It comes in a bottle (like Worchester sauce) with a long neck, and I've seen raspberry and peach flavors. They are zero points, and you only add about a teaspoon to one glass.
- I've got this cute little ice cube tray that makes star shaped ice cubes. I add fresh squeezed lemon juice to make these ice cubes, and I keep them in a ziplock freezer back into the ice cube holder in the freezer. Just one added to a glass is a wonderful surprise. I even add these to water sometimes.
One thing I've been doing lately is mixing regular black tea with fruit teas. The fruit teas are a bit more expensive, so I will put two fruit teas into a jar along with one black tea. I've also mixed different flavors of fruit teas to make my own fruity combinations. And, of course, if you try this and you think the tea is too weak, you can always add more tea bags to the jar for brewing.
Week 20
Settling In To New Foods
I've been experimenting with new foods for the warmer weather, and I've eaten a LOT of fruit salad! It's been delicious, but it doesn't stick to my ribs like protein. I've also just bought some microwave popcorn, something I had been going without, after reading a positive article on the Weight Watchers website.
Settling In To New Foods
I've been experimenting with new foods for the warmer weather, and I've eaten a LOT of fruit salad! It's been delicious, but it doesn't stick to my ribs like protein. I've also just bought some microwave popcorn, something I had been going without, after reading a positive article on the Weight Watchers website.
Thursday, May 23, 2002
Week 20
Lots of Weight News Recently
I've posted a group of news articles about weight loss, obesity and related issues on my news blog, Trivium.
As I was reading the news I found about weight loss, I found myself starting to get a bit discouraged. According to these articles, our bodies are working against our efforts in weight control. I finally had to sit myself down and just think about this. OK, maybe what they are saying is all true. (Maybe it's not, but just for the sake of arguement, I'll concede that point.) So, even if it is true that it is harder then we expect to lose weight because we have to combat these factors, so what? Does this mean that no one should try? Does this mean that we just sit back, let go of the reins, and let life and our bodies pull us in any old direction? Of course not. OK, so it may be harder to lose because of these factors. I'm still determined that NO MATTER WHAT I'm going to create a healthy lifestyle. Maybe it will take me more time that I expect. Maybe it will require me to be more careful than I had hoped. So what. I can do that. I've already accomplished SO MUCH towards my goal. It's my LIFE, it's worth my best effort.
I'm doing good these days. I've noticed that I've been focused on work and losing track of time, which means I don't think about dinner until I'm actually feeling hungry. And by the time I get dinner fixed, I'm starving. I'm trying to do better today about watching the clock and eating at good times.
Otherwise, I'm happy to report that I seem to be completely over my scales obsession of the other week. I actually left the scales out after my weigh in earlier this week, and I've been stepping over them in the kitchen. I put them away this morning while I was cleaning up, and I didn't even WANT to weigh myself.
I don't think what I'm about to say is related to my food plan at all, but I'm feeling a bit distracted these last few days.
Lots of Weight News Recently
I've posted a group of news articles about weight loss, obesity and related issues on my news blog, Trivium.
As I was reading the news I found about weight loss, I found myself starting to get a bit discouraged. According to these articles, our bodies are working against our efforts in weight control. I finally had to sit myself down and just think about this. OK, maybe what they are saying is all true. (Maybe it's not, but just for the sake of arguement, I'll concede that point.) So, even if it is true that it is harder then we expect to lose weight because we have to combat these factors, so what? Does this mean that no one should try? Does this mean that we just sit back, let go of the reins, and let life and our bodies pull us in any old direction? Of course not. OK, so it may be harder to lose because of these factors. I'm still determined that NO MATTER WHAT I'm going to create a healthy lifestyle. Maybe it will take me more time that I expect. Maybe it will require me to be more careful than I had hoped. So what. I can do that. I've already accomplished SO MUCH towards my goal. It's my LIFE, it's worth my best effort.
I'm doing good these days. I've noticed that I've been focused on work and losing track of time, which means I don't think about dinner until I'm actually feeling hungry. And by the time I get dinner fixed, I'm starving. I'm trying to do better today about watching the clock and eating at good times.
Otherwise, I'm happy to report that I seem to be completely over my scales obsession of the other week. I actually left the scales out after my weigh in earlier this week, and I've been stepping over them in the kitchen. I put them away this morning while I was cleaning up, and I didn't even WANT to weigh myself.
I don't think what I'm about to say is related to my food plan at all, but I'm feeling a bit distracted these last few days.
Tuesday, May 21, 2002
Week 20
Feeling The Desire to Re-Commit
Several times throughout the last 20 weeks, I've felt the strong desire to recommit myself to my goals and the food plan I've selected. It happened quite frequently in the beginning. And all day today, I've felt this nagging at me. I'm wondering if I'm really doing all I can, or if I'm getting lazy or sloppy with things. I want more than anything else to succeed with this lifestyle goal. So I'm renewing my promise to myself in front of all of you. Starting (again) today, I'm doing everything by the book. I'm not cheating, which is only cheating myself. I'm not running on autopilot, I'm checking points, I'm measuring food, and I'm doing my best to live by the letter of the Weight Watcher's law. I don't mean to make this sound dramatic, but I'm very serious about my promise. I WANT TO SUCCEED ALL THE WAY -- to lose all of the weight no matter how long it takes, and to really create a lifestyle where I can live healthfully ever after.
Feeling The Desire to Re-Commit
Several times throughout the last 20 weeks, I've felt the strong desire to recommit myself to my goals and the food plan I've selected. It happened quite frequently in the beginning. And all day today, I've felt this nagging at me. I'm wondering if I'm really doing all I can, or if I'm getting lazy or sloppy with things. I want more than anything else to succeed with this lifestyle goal. So I'm renewing my promise to myself in front of all of you. Starting (again) today, I'm doing everything by the book. I'm not cheating, which is only cheating myself. I'm not running on autopilot, I'm checking points, I'm measuring food, and I'm doing my best to live by the letter of the Weight Watcher's law. I don't mean to make this sound dramatic, but I'm very serious about my promise. I WANT TO SUCCEED ALL THE WAY -- to lose all of the weight no matter how long it takes, and to really create a lifestyle where I can live healthfully ever after.
Monday, May 20, 2002
Week 20
Small Loss, But I'm Happy With It
I've learned to appreciate even the smallest losses! It was only a half pound this week, but it was movement in the right direction. With being sick and with the transition to a hot weather menu, I think I've done really well.
I'm quite busy with work, and I've got some things on my mind, so I'm not thinking very much about my lifestyle change today. I'm just enjoying the moment of celebration for the continuing miracle in my life: the realization that I can change ANYTHING about my life, and that even my greatest weakness can become the birthing spot for an asset.
Small Loss, But I'm Happy With It
I've learned to appreciate even the smallest losses! It was only a half pound this week, but it was movement in the right direction. With being sick and with the transition to a hot weather menu, I think I've done really well.
I'm quite busy with work, and I've got some things on my mind, so I'm not thinking very much about my lifestyle change today. I'm just enjoying the moment of celebration for the continuing miracle in my life: the realization that I can change ANYTHING about my life, and that even my greatest weakness can become the birthing spot for an asset.
Sunday, May 19, 2002
Week 20
Joy In The Morning
After being sick and running very very low on groceries last week, I can't describe the feeling of pleasure I felt this morning when I woke up, stumbled down the stairs for breakfast, and then realized that I have a whole house full of food! My fruit basket is full of apples, pears and oranges, plus the banana hanger thingy is full. There is yogurt, milk for cereal, and bread in case I want french toast. I've got sliced meats, peanut butter, some frozen fruit bars and so much more. It was $100 at the grocery last night, but the freezer and fridge and pantry are FULL. And I'm a happy camper. I actually had a hard time deciding on my breakfast with so many choices, but being not quite awake, I selected an fuji apple (crunchy and sweet) and returned upstairs to enjoy it in my bed.
I've been thinking since then about the miracle of feeling so rich just because I had food choices. It surprised me this morning to realize how something so simple could make me feel so great.
Feeling Rich
Several years ago, I realized that the way I handled money was making me feel poor all of the time. I used to only take the minimum $20 from the bank machine each trip, so I was constantly out of cash and needing to return. I wasn't rich then (and I'm not rich now), but I was making progress at getting my bills paid off. I remember that when I paid off my Discover card balance, something that I had worked on for a long time, I suddenly felt very proud and rich, and in those moments I realized that not carrying enough cash with me was contributing to my "poor" mentality. From that day, I started taking out $100 each trip to the ATM. Now, I make a LOT fewer trips to the ATM, but I feel rich because I know that I always have some cash. When I reach the point of only having $40 left, I pull out another $100. That simple change has made me feel like I could buy and sell the world. In truth, I rarely part with my cash, and so it's an illusion, but since it makes me feel better, I keep it up.
What Is Abundance?
About that time, I explored the whole idea of abundance. To me, this means that everything I could possibly ever want or need is available to me. It doesn't mean that there is an endless supply of everything, it just means that there is more than I could want and that I can have it. Reaching a point where I feel abundance in my life, at least in many areas, has been a huge turning point for me. It's funny, but once I felt that I could have anything I wanted, I discovered that what I wanted suddenly was much less.
The same thing happened when I started working for myself. Until then, I had been a manager for a local technology company, and I made plenty of money for a single person. I was out of debt and was starting to build some real savings. When I felt I had a financial foundation, I quit my job and started working for myself. One of the first things I noticed was that I no longer had this urge to visit Target every other Friday. I used to go religiously on paydays, and I would spend as much as $100 on necessities, luxuries (Target luxuries at that!), CDs, movies, and other stuff. I really can't tell you what I used to buy, because since I stopped doing it, there isn't anything I'm missing. I realized that I was shopping as a reward for tolerating a job I hated. When my work situation reached my ideal (working for myself) even though I went through lots of lean times, I felt rich inside and didn't need to spend so much money.
It's funny, isn't it, how being happy makes me feel rich, no matter what the reality of my bank account. Something to think about today as I try to get caught up on the things I've let slip while I've been sick.
Joy In The Morning
After being sick and running very very low on groceries last week, I can't describe the feeling of pleasure I felt this morning when I woke up, stumbled down the stairs for breakfast, and then realized that I have a whole house full of food! My fruit basket is full of apples, pears and oranges, plus the banana hanger thingy is full. There is yogurt, milk for cereal, and bread in case I want french toast. I've got sliced meats, peanut butter, some frozen fruit bars and so much more. It was $100 at the grocery last night, but the freezer and fridge and pantry are FULL. And I'm a happy camper. I actually had a hard time deciding on my breakfast with so many choices, but being not quite awake, I selected an fuji apple (crunchy and sweet) and returned upstairs to enjoy it in my bed.
I've been thinking since then about the miracle of feeling so rich just because I had food choices. It surprised me this morning to realize how something so simple could make me feel so great.
Feeling Rich
Several years ago, I realized that the way I handled money was making me feel poor all of the time. I used to only take the minimum $20 from the bank machine each trip, so I was constantly out of cash and needing to return. I wasn't rich then (and I'm not rich now), but I was making progress at getting my bills paid off. I remember that when I paid off my Discover card balance, something that I had worked on for a long time, I suddenly felt very proud and rich, and in those moments I realized that not carrying enough cash with me was contributing to my "poor" mentality. From that day, I started taking out $100 each trip to the ATM. Now, I make a LOT fewer trips to the ATM, but I feel rich because I know that I always have some cash. When I reach the point of only having $40 left, I pull out another $100. That simple change has made me feel like I could buy and sell the world. In truth, I rarely part with my cash, and so it's an illusion, but since it makes me feel better, I keep it up.
What Is Abundance?
About that time, I explored the whole idea of abundance. To me, this means that everything I could possibly ever want or need is available to me. It doesn't mean that there is an endless supply of everything, it just means that there is more than I could want and that I can have it. Reaching a point where I feel abundance in my life, at least in many areas, has been a huge turning point for me. It's funny, but once I felt that I could have anything I wanted, I discovered that what I wanted suddenly was much less.
The same thing happened when I started working for myself. Until then, I had been a manager for a local technology company, and I made plenty of money for a single person. I was out of debt and was starting to build some real savings. When I felt I had a financial foundation, I quit my job and started working for myself. One of the first things I noticed was that I no longer had this urge to visit Target every other Friday. I used to go religiously on paydays, and I would spend as much as $100 on necessities, luxuries (Target luxuries at that!), CDs, movies, and other stuff. I really can't tell you what I used to buy, because since I stopped doing it, there isn't anything I'm missing. I realized that I was shopping as a reward for tolerating a job I hated. When my work situation reached my ideal (working for myself) even though I went through lots of lean times, I felt rich inside and didn't need to spend so much money.
It's funny, isn't it, how being happy makes me feel rich, no matter what the reality of my bank account. Something to think about today as I try to get caught up on the things I've let slip while I've been sick.
Saturday, May 18, 2002
Towel Update
Feeling optimistic, I tried on the red towel today after my shower, and it is coming closer to wrapping around me. I promised myself not to update the pictures until the change is dramatic... so no update for a while. But it was good news for me today.
I've gone through my recipes and I'm working on finding new foods to eat for the summer months. With the heat in Phoenix, warm food usually doesn't even sound good to me, much less, the thought of heating up my house to cook it. I'm looking more at sandwiches and salads, and perhaps an occasional TV dinner (which I generally hate). I'll be posting new recipes here after I've tried them.
Also, thanks to Jen, I've got access to some great smoothie recipes. I'm going to adjust them for points, and I'll be posting them here, also.
Feeling optimistic, I tried on the red towel today after my shower, and it is coming closer to wrapping around me. I promised myself not to update the pictures until the change is dramatic... so no update for a while. But it was good news for me today.
I've gone through my recipes and I'm working on finding new foods to eat for the summer months. With the heat in Phoenix, warm food usually doesn't even sound good to me, much less, the thought of heating up my house to cook it. I'm looking more at sandwiches and salads, and perhaps an occasional TV dinner (which I generally hate). I'll be posting new recipes here after I've tried them.
Also, thanks to Jen, I've got access to some great smoothie recipes. I'm going to adjust them for points, and I'll be posting them here, also.
Friday, May 17, 2002
Week 19
Ironic Postings
I've been away from my blogs the last few days because I've been sick. It's so funny that my last post talks about how great I was feeling. That was an emotional feeling great, because by the time I had posted that, I was already getting sick. I'm better now, after several days of running a fever, being sick at my stomach, and doing nothing but client work and sleeping. I had almost no appetite so I barely ate, but I did discover that I was hungry for proteins. And I drank lots of water.
Tonight I feel like a woman let out of prison! I went shopping, and ended up at a Wal-Mart in my neighborhood, my first visit there. Silly me, I brought my grocery list because I thought ALL Wal-Marts have groceries. Nope. So I ended up shopping and still don't have groceries. I'll take care of that in the morning.
But I did decide to buy myself a pair of those cute capri pants that are everywhere. I didn't feel like trying them on in the store, and I really wasn't sure what size to get. And so, being brave, I got another size smaller than what I think I wear right now. And the terrific news -- I tried them on when I got home and they fit perfectly! I'm down another size in pants!
Ironic Postings
I've been away from my blogs the last few days because I've been sick. It's so funny that my last post talks about how great I was feeling. That was an emotional feeling great, because by the time I had posted that, I was already getting sick. I'm better now, after several days of running a fever, being sick at my stomach, and doing nothing but client work and sleeping. I had almost no appetite so I barely ate, but I did discover that I was hungry for proteins. And I drank lots of water.
Tonight I feel like a woman let out of prison! I went shopping, and ended up at a Wal-Mart in my neighborhood, my first visit there. Silly me, I brought my grocery list because I thought ALL Wal-Marts have groceries. Nope. So I ended up shopping and still don't have groceries. I'll take care of that in the morning.
But I did decide to buy myself a pair of those cute capri pants that are everywhere. I didn't feel like trying them on in the store, and I really wasn't sure what size to get. And so, being brave, I got another size smaller than what I think I wear right now. And the terrific news -- I tried them on when I got home and they fit perfectly! I'm down another size in pants!
Thursday, May 16, 2002
Week 19
Feeling Like Myself Again
Actually, I'm feeling better than usual. You know how great you feel after you have been sick, the first time you realize that you aren't sick any more? Or when you hurt a part of you, and it is healed, and you are so grateful to be able to run/bend/walk or whatever? That's how I feel. I am not taking my normal good life for granted the last few days.
Feeling Like Myself Again
Actually, I'm feeling better than usual. You know how great you feel after you have been sick, the first time you realize that you aren't sick any more? Or when you hurt a part of you, and it is healed, and you are so grateful to be able to run/bend/walk or whatever? That's how I feel. I am not taking my normal good life for granted the last few days.
Tuesday, May 14, 2002
Week 19
Surprise: I've lost 33 pounds!
After last week, I had expected to gain. So I feel a bit like I've won the lottery today!
Today, I'm in my "new normal" mode -- which means that I've reached the end of the groceries and I have to make a run or I won't have any food for dinner. The process of getting new groceries is running smoother. I had auditioned some recipe management software that created grocery lists, but it turns out, they were more work... at least that is how it seemed. Besides, the weeks that I'm not looking for new recipes, the process is pretty quick.
I've got a couple of smoothie recipes that I'm thinking of trying. I'm going to combine from fresh fruit with some frozen, since the frozen is so much cheaper. I'll let you know how they turn out.
Oh, and today is the day. I turned on my air conditioning this afternoon when it reached 90 in my office. (And no wonder, it's 100 outside right now!) Even though the breeze was strong, even with a fan going, it was just too hot to work up here. So I didn't make it to 1 June, but I got awfully close this year. Hopefully, I will only have to run it in the afternoons for a while, and can postpone the full time running for at least a few more weeks. But the forecast has 100 again tomorrow, with the highs dropping into the low 90s over the weekend. Ah, the last few days before summer really starts. (Pass me a smoothie!)
Surprise: I've lost 33 pounds!
After last week, I had expected to gain. So I feel a bit like I've won the lottery today!
Today, I'm in my "new normal" mode -- which means that I've reached the end of the groceries and I have to make a run or I won't have any food for dinner. The process of getting new groceries is running smoother. I had auditioned some recipe management software that created grocery lists, but it turns out, they were more work... at least that is how it seemed. Besides, the weeks that I'm not looking for new recipes, the process is pretty quick.
I've got a couple of smoothie recipes that I'm thinking of trying. I'm going to combine from fresh fruit with some frozen, since the frozen is so much cheaper. I'll let you know how they turn out.
Oh, and today is the day. I turned on my air conditioning this afternoon when it reached 90 in my office. (And no wonder, it's 100 outside right now!) Even though the breeze was strong, even with a fan going, it was just too hot to work up here. So I didn't make it to 1 June, but I got awfully close this year. Hopefully, I will only have to run it in the afternoons for a while, and can postpone the full time running for at least a few more weeks. But the forecast has 100 again tomorrow, with the highs dropping into the low 90s over the weekend. Ah, the last few days before summer really starts. (Pass me a smoothie!)
Monday, May 13, 2002
Week 19
Never Never Never Give Up
I've learned a very important lesson in the last week: never give up because even bad times will pass.
I'm not really sure when my bad times ended, exactly. Today has been a good day. I woke up late and had to skip my Weight Watchers meeting to make it on time to a client meeting. I actually FORGOT to weigh myself this morning, so I'm going to do it tomorrow morning, instead. I've had both my lunch and my dinner, and I'm not craving anything right now, and I'm not going crazy from the desired to chomp chomp chomp something crunchy and salty. I think the troubles have passed. Finally.
Dark Week Of The Soul
There were moments last week when I just wanted to quit the whole thing. I just wanted to get back to "normal," to get back to eating like I used to eat -- but I know there is no more of that "normal" for me. What I'm doing today is the new normal, and what I plan to be doing for the rest of my life, well, at least for the forseeable future. Who knows, I might switch to a different eating plan sometime. But this I know... whatever is different in the future, I'm determined that it will be at least as healthy as what I'm doing now.
When I decided to follow this path, to make these changes, I made a huge strong decision. I don't know why the decision was so solid or so big -- I guess I was just READY to make this change in my life. It came together pretty easily, actually. And while I've had my moments, evenings and whole days before where things were tough, last week was the worst. Last week, I wanted to quit. The other times, I was just upset but willing to continue.
I say that I wanted to quit, but I have to say this: deep inside, I really didn't want to give up on myself. I was like a kid throwing a temper tantrum, being stubborn, and refusing to cooperate. What I wrote here helped me to get some of these feeling out of my head so I could look at them in the light. I'd rather come here and rant than sabotage myself on this. I'm also glad that I didn't push myself to refocus on my goals before I was ready. I really needed some time to just sit and have some sort of emotional muscle relaxer, which I got on Sunday. I didn't push myself to come back here, and now that I'm ready, it is a joy again to be writing here, writing about my journey, and writing about the promise that I made to myself.
Making Up For Small Gains
I'm expecting a small weight gain this week, maybe 2 pounds (wishful thinking), but at least I stayed on my own program. I kept my promise to myself. In spite of strong (but temporary feelings) to the contrary, I kept myself on track. I'm really proud of this. In a couple of weeks, I will have another weight loss string to celebrate, and this rough patch will be gone and forgotten, except for this: I'm stronger today because I survived last week. My promise to myself remains intact.
New Sense Of Timing
And all of this gives me a new perspective on the amount of time this change is taking: I suddenly have more patience for the process. I really don't care tonight if this takes 2 years to complete. I feel the need to allow myself as much time as I need to change my life from unhealthy to healthy, and to get rid of all of the cobwebs of unhealthy feelings and thoughts that live inside of me. It will take as long as it takes. I have a new undertanding today of why slow is best.
Never Never Never Give Up
I've learned a very important lesson in the last week: never give up because even bad times will pass.
I'm not really sure when my bad times ended, exactly. Today has been a good day. I woke up late and had to skip my Weight Watchers meeting to make it on time to a client meeting. I actually FORGOT to weigh myself this morning, so I'm going to do it tomorrow morning, instead. I've had both my lunch and my dinner, and I'm not craving anything right now, and I'm not going crazy from the desired to chomp chomp chomp something crunchy and salty. I think the troubles have passed. Finally.
Dark Week Of The Soul
There were moments last week when I just wanted to quit the whole thing. I just wanted to get back to "normal," to get back to eating like I used to eat -- but I know there is no more of that "normal" for me. What I'm doing today is the new normal, and what I plan to be doing for the rest of my life, well, at least for the forseeable future. Who knows, I might switch to a different eating plan sometime. But this I know... whatever is different in the future, I'm determined that it will be at least as healthy as what I'm doing now.
When I decided to follow this path, to make these changes, I made a huge strong decision. I don't know why the decision was so solid or so big -- I guess I was just READY to make this change in my life. It came together pretty easily, actually. And while I've had my moments, evenings and whole days before where things were tough, last week was the worst. Last week, I wanted to quit. The other times, I was just upset but willing to continue.
I say that I wanted to quit, but I have to say this: deep inside, I really didn't want to give up on myself. I was like a kid throwing a temper tantrum, being stubborn, and refusing to cooperate. What I wrote here helped me to get some of these feeling out of my head so I could look at them in the light. I'd rather come here and rant than sabotage myself on this. I'm also glad that I didn't push myself to refocus on my goals before I was ready. I really needed some time to just sit and have some sort of emotional muscle relaxer, which I got on Sunday. I didn't push myself to come back here, and now that I'm ready, it is a joy again to be writing here, writing about my journey, and writing about the promise that I made to myself.
Making Up For Small Gains
I'm expecting a small weight gain this week, maybe 2 pounds (wishful thinking), but at least I stayed on my own program. I kept my promise to myself. In spite of strong (but temporary feelings) to the contrary, I kept myself on track. I'm really proud of this. In a couple of weeks, I will have another weight loss string to celebrate, and this rough patch will be gone and forgotten, except for this: I'm stronger today because I survived last week. My promise to myself remains intact.
New Sense Of Timing
And all of this gives me a new perspective on the amount of time this change is taking: I suddenly have more patience for the process. I really don't care tonight if this takes 2 years to complete. I feel the need to allow myself as much time as I need to change my life from unhealthy to healthy, and to get rid of all of the cobwebs of unhealthy feelings and thoughts that live inside of me. It will take as long as it takes. I have a new undertanding today of why slow is best.
Saturday, May 11, 2002
I'm Feeling A Bit Better Now
I'm not really sure why, but things seem a little brighter tonight. I think part of it because I have just refused to give in to feeling bad. I've eaten well today, and instead of chomping while I'm here at the computer working tonight, I've fixed myself a pitcher of iced tea which has a nice taste without any points. So it is still food stimulation, but at least it isn't going to hurt me.
I've almost finished redoing the fireplace for summer tonight, cleaning out the firebox (ashes galore!) and getting the plants lined up. The living room is in a bit of disorder, but the kitchen is cleaned up after all of my cooking today (and the broken glass from a dish I dropped!). It feels like my home is in order tonight.
I'm sitting in my office with the windows open, and I can hear one of my neighbors in the darkness, laughing and laughing. Bursts of it coming every few minutes. I don't know if they are watching Saturday Night Live or just having a party, but whatever it is, it is making me smile just to hear them having fun. Thanks to my neighbors for sharing their happiness tonight.
I'm too tired tonight to think any more about my life. I'm going to try to get back here tomorrow and write up what I want in my life now. I think that writing will help me to focus again, to get some perspective again.
I'm not really sure why, but things seem a little brighter tonight. I think part of it because I have just refused to give in to feeling bad. I've eaten well today, and instead of chomping while I'm here at the computer working tonight, I've fixed myself a pitcher of iced tea which has a nice taste without any points. So it is still food stimulation, but at least it isn't going to hurt me.
I've almost finished redoing the fireplace for summer tonight, cleaning out the firebox (ashes galore!) and getting the plants lined up. The living room is in a bit of disorder, but the kitchen is cleaned up after all of my cooking today (and the broken glass from a dish I dropped!). It feels like my home is in order tonight.
I'm sitting in my office with the windows open, and I can hear one of my neighbors in the darkness, laughing and laughing. Bursts of it coming every few minutes. I don't know if they are watching Saturday Night Live or just having a party, but whatever it is, it is making me smile just to hear them having fun. Thanks to my neighbors for sharing their happiness tonight.
I'm too tired tonight to think any more about my life. I'm going to try to get back here tomorrow and write up what I want in my life now. I think that writing will help me to focus again, to get some perspective again.
Week 18
The FUNK Continues, Without A Disco Beat
I wish I could write about how great things are going, how they have really turned around... but they haven't yet.
Yesterday's Food Choices
I went to my movie yesterday and I did order a small popcorn, no butter, and I enjoyed about half of it, and when it wasn't fun any more, I set it aside. It was funny, at the counter I ordered the popcorn and a bottled water, and the clerk must have offered me a half dozen chances to "order up" starting with suggesting a larger size of popcorn, ice cream, a box of candy, and even a soda. I swear he wasn't getting the hint, or he was on commission, or every other plus sized person he has taken orders from has loaded up with all of that crap.
It was a nice change to actually order popcorn, and since I was in the movie over my lunch, it helped me to not be starving when I walked out. I didn't time things well yesterday... I thought about packing a sandwich and taking it with me to eat inside the theatre, but ran out of time in my struggle to get out the door and make the movie on time. I hate the idea of popcorn (or anything else) as a meal substitute because that is how I used to eat all of the time. But it was OK in the grand scheme of things. Not the best situation I put myself in, but I made decent choices to get myself out of it.
When I left the theatre, I ran some errands and stopped a a fresh Mex place for lunch, not my favorite Mexican restaurant with the fried cream cheese things. I ordered a chicken burro, no sour cream, no guac, and only ate about 3/4 of it. It was a good meal, and I only ate until I thought I'd had enough. No chomping urges came on me.
I wasn't so lucky after dinner. For dinner, I fixed myself my favorite sloppy joe and cut out half of the bun to sort of balance out the popcorn I had earlier in the day. The problem came during the cleanup. I kept finding myself with food in my mouth, bites of things I was either putting away or doing some refrigerator surfing. I stopped myself a couple of times, and just said "STOP IT NOW" but it was temporary. I found myself with food in my mouth without having made a decision several times last night. This is the worst single event I've been through.
What's Going On?
So today, I slept in and had a sandwich for lunch. And I sat on the couch for a long time just to get in touch with what is really happening with me. What is going on? I feel like I'm losing my mind, my concentration, my willpower, my vision for the future... I'm can't seem to reconnect myself to these things. So I started making a list of what is happening in my life that can be a factor in all of this.
1. My project is about to end and I'm facing uncertain employment. I may act calm, but I'm a bit scared on the inside, a little bit of money panic even though I've got enough in savings to get me through for a while. I'm usually excellent with budgeting because I've learned to be, my work comes and goes. To make this a bit worse, my client had given me an end date, and last week he indicated that I would be finished sooner than that.
2. This week, I haven't talked with my family at all. I usually talk to my Mom every other day, sometimes every day, but she and Dad are traveling to her brother's house and working on painting his house with his kids. I don't think it is bothering me to not be talking, but the truth is, over the last year when all of my friends left town, my mom has become one of my closest friends. Strange but true. I've called my sis, but she hasn't returned my calls, and my brother is swamped with coaching his girl's softball teams, so he hasn't returned calls, either.
3. I discovered this huge to-to list of things that was quite disturbing. I'm not going to write more about it now, if you are interested, here is my journal entry on it. I'll just say that I'm a bit overwhelmed with what I need to do, and with what I've just learned about myself.
4. While I'm talking about what I've learned about myself, lets add this one: I know that people come and go in my life, but last year's exodus was dramatic and has left me very isolated. I miss the people I used to talk to, and I've been feeling all over again the loss of other close friends from my past who also moved on. I've been feeling like maybe I should reach out to them, even though I've been through that one a million times (exaggeration!) and I've really come to believe that when people move on, it is for the best and just let them go. But what does this say about me that I've gone through a valley of people leaving and I've not really replaced them with new friends? Not that I haven't tried, or made an effort to include newer people into my inner circle. I also have learned the hard way that you can't push friendships, they happen and they happen in their own time and not necessarily with the people I might have chosen on first glance. I think I'm holding myself open to people, even though I recently freaked out a bit when someone new made an invitation to me. And I've been just a tad angry with one of these missing people. After running into him someplace in my life, after spending some time with him, and after dropping off something at his apartment one day, I still haven't heard a peep from him. I'm disappointed with him -- I thought our friendship was more important to both of us than I feel he has treated it in the last 6 months. AGGGHHHHH!
5. I also realized that in my life, I've never lost more than 30 pounds. By the time I hit this mark, I get scared and put the weight back on, plus some. So there is habit of sabbotage that I'm running into. I'm DETERMINED not to repeat history this time.
6. I've got a long road ahead of me, and even though I've been doing really great, the speed of my progress tells me that this process is going to go on for a very long time. I'm sure I've got a year from this point, after nearly half a year. It just feels a bit like the never ending story, and I'm feeling a need for some excitement. I saw a commercial today for a hair coloring, and I actually found myself thinking about making a big change like that, changing my hair color. Nothing dramatic, not to a punk look, just pushing my existing hair color into a new direction. Maybe even getting a shorter cut, something that will change the status quo for me (since I can't just lop off body weight!)
7. I've been working too much, and I really need a break. I've got a cluttered mess in areas of my condo. I really could take a month off and get my life into new order. First, I'd finish my taxes, then I'd finish sorting my paperwork so my taxes for 2002 will be half ready, then I'd finish sorting out the clothes that don't fit, then I'd completely redo my office. I've got this idea for building a new worksurface mounted on the wall, and a paint treatment for the walls that would make this a really inviting place to be. I've also got some ideas for the clutter around the desk. Oh yes, and then there are the art supplies in the closet that need to be sorted an organized. I also want to paint the downstairs to a sort of putty color. I think I could have all of this done in a month and I'd feel so much better. Maybe I should do that once this project ends.
8. On the plus side, I pulled the fireplace screen last night, removed the logs from the copper bucket, and removed the fireplace tools. I purchased some houseplants to put in the bucket in the fireplace opening, and I've reorganized the mantle for more of a summer look. I love it so far, but I'm not finished. Not only do I need to put these things into the storage closet (first I have to make room for them) but I also have to finish getting the house ready for summer. I've got some weather stripping to install, and linings for a couple of curtains to add. Oooppps. I went from a plus to another to-do item. Oh well, they do go together.
9. Confession. Before I came upstairs to write this, I thought I would find out how much damage my fridge surfing did last night. I haven't weighed myself for a few days... I pulled the scales out, and they show a 4 pound gain since Monday. Now, I know that as much as a pound of that is part of the normal fluxuation during the day... but it does look like I've gained at least 3 pounds this week. I'm not upset with myself for pulling out the scales... I'm having a tough time with food and if the scales would have given a positive answer, I would have known that most of the struggle is just inside my head. But now I know for sure that my whole being is involved with this struggle. I'm a bit disappointed to see a gain, but at the same time, I really understand that I can start all over RIGHT NOW and what has happened before this moment is history. So I'm not discouraged by the scales... they have just confirmed for me that what I'm dealing with is serious and deserves my serious attention.
With all of this going on, it's no wonder that I'm struggling a bit.
I'm going to just sit with these feelings for a while, and when I come back to write here, I'm going to explore that I want to do from this point forward.
The FUNK Continues, Without A Disco Beat
I wish I could write about how great things are going, how they have really turned around... but they haven't yet.
Yesterday's Food Choices
I went to my movie yesterday and I did order a small popcorn, no butter, and I enjoyed about half of it, and when it wasn't fun any more, I set it aside. It was funny, at the counter I ordered the popcorn and a bottled water, and the clerk must have offered me a half dozen chances to "order up" starting with suggesting a larger size of popcorn, ice cream, a box of candy, and even a soda. I swear he wasn't getting the hint, or he was on commission, or every other plus sized person he has taken orders from has loaded up with all of that crap.
It was a nice change to actually order popcorn, and since I was in the movie over my lunch, it helped me to not be starving when I walked out. I didn't time things well yesterday... I thought about packing a sandwich and taking it with me to eat inside the theatre, but ran out of time in my struggle to get out the door and make the movie on time. I hate the idea of popcorn (or anything else) as a meal substitute because that is how I used to eat all of the time. But it was OK in the grand scheme of things. Not the best situation I put myself in, but I made decent choices to get myself out of it.
When I left the theatre, I ran some errands and stopped a a fresh Mex place for lunch, not my favorite Mexican restaurant with the fried cream cheese things. I ordered a chicken burro, no sour cream, no guac, and only ate about 3/4 of it. It was a good meal, and I only ate until I thought I'd had enough. No chomping urges came on me.
I wasn't so lucky after dinner. For dinner, I fixed myself my favorite sloppy joe and cut out half of the bun to sort of balance out the popcorn I had earlier in the day. The problem came during the cleanup. I kept finding myself with food in my mouth, bites of things I was either putting away or doing some refrigerator surfing. I stopped myself a couple of times, and just said "STOP IT NOW" but it was temporary. I found myself with food in my mouth without having made a decision several times last night. This is the worst single event I've been through.
What's Going On?
So today, I slept in and had a sandwich for lunch. And I sat on the couch for a long time just to get in touch with what is really happening with me. What is going on? I feel like I'm losing my mind, my concentration, my willpower, my vision for the future... I'm can't seem to reconnect myself to these things. So I started making a list of what is happening in my life that can be a factor in all of this.
1. My project is about to end and I'm facing uncertain employment. I may act calm, but I'm a bit scared on the inside, a little bit of money panic even though I've got enough in savings to get me through for a while. I'm usually excellent with budgeting because I've learned to be, my work comes and goes. To make this a bit worse, my client had given me an end date, and last week he indicated that I would be finished sooner than that.
2. This week, I haven't talked with my family at all. I usually talk to my Mom every other day, sometimes every day, but she and Dad are traveling to her brother's house and working on painting his house with his kids. I don't think it is bothering me to not be talking, but the truth is, over the last year when all of my friends left town, my mom has become one of my closest friends. Strange but true. I've called my sis, but she hasn't returned my calls, and my brother is swamped with coaching his girl's softball teams, so he hasn't returned calls, either.
3. I discovered this huge to-to list of things that was quite disturbing. I'm not going to write more about it now, if you are interested, here is my journal entry on it. I'll just say that I'm a bit overwhelmed with what I need to do, and with what I've just learned about myself.
4. While I'm talking about what I've learned about myself, lets add this one: I know that people come and go in my life, but last year's exodus was dramatic and has left me very isolated. I miss the people I used to talk to, and I've been feeling all over again the loss of other close friends from my past who also moved on. I've been feeling like maybe I should reach out to them, even though I've been through that one a million times (exaggeration!) and I've really come to believe that when people move on, it is for the best and just let them go. But what does this say about me that I've gone through a valley of people leaving and I've not really replaced them with new friends? Not that I haven't tried, or made an effort to include newer people into my inner circle. I also have learned the hard way that you can't push friendships, they happen and they happen in their own time and not necessarily with the people I might have chosen on first glance. I think I'm holding myself open to people, even though I recently freaked out a bit when someone new made an invitation to me. And I've been just a tad angry with one of these missing people. After running into him someplace in my life, after spending some time with him, and after dropping off something at his apartment one day, I still haven't heard a peep from him. I'm disappointed with him -- I thought our friendship was more important to both of us than I feel he has treated it in the last 6 months. AGGGHHHHH!
5. I also realized that in my life, I've never lost more than 30 pounds. By the time I hit this mark, I get scared and put the weight back on, plus some. So there is habit of sabbotage that I'm running into. I'm DETERMINED not to repeat history this time.
6. I've got a long road ahead of me, and even though I've been doing really great, the speed of my progress tells me that this process is going to go on for a very long time. I'm sure I've got a year from this point, after nearly half a year. It just feels a bit like the never ending story, and I'm feeling a need for some excitement. I saw a commercial today for a hair coloring, and I actually found myself thinking about making a big change like that, changing my hair color. Nothing dramatic, not to a punk look, just pushing my existing hair color into a new direction. Maybe even getting a shorter cut, something that will change the status quo for me (since I can't just lop off body weight!)
7. I've been working too much, and I really need a break. I've got a cluttered mess in areas of my condo. I really could take a month off and get my life into new order. First, I'd finish my taxes, then I'd finish sorting my paperwork so my taxes for 2002 will be half ready, then I'd finish sorting out the clothes that don't fit, then I'd completely redo my office. I've got this idea for building a new worksurface mounted on the wall, and a paint treatment for the walls that would make this a really inviting place to be. I've also got some ideas for the clutter around the desk. Oh yes, and then there are the art supplies in the closet that need to be sorted an organized. I also want to paint the downstairs to a sort of putty color. I think I could have all of this done in a month and I'd feel so much better. Maybe I should do that once this project ends.
8. On the plus side, I pulled the fireplace screen last night, removed the logs from the copper bucket, and removed the fireplace tools. I purchased some houseplants to put in the bucket in the fireplace opening, and I've reorganized the mantle for more of a summer look. I love it so far, but I'm not finished. Not only do I need to put these things into the storage closet (first I have to make room for them) but I also have to finish getting the house ready for summer. I've got some weather stripping to install, and linings for a couple of curtains to add. Oooppps. I went from a plus to another to-do item. Oh well, they do go together.
9. Confession. Before I came upstairs to write this, I thought I would find out how much damage my fridge surfing did last night. I haven't weighed myself for a few days... I pulled the scales out, and they show a 4 pound gain since Monday. Now, I know that as much as a pound of that is part of the normal fluxuation during the day... but it does look like I've gained at least 3 pounds this week. I'm not upset with myself for pulling out the scales... I'm having a tough time with food and if the scales would have given a positive answer, I would have known that most of the struggle is just inside my head. But now I know for sure that my whole being is involved with this struggle. I'm a bit disappointed to see a gain, but at the same time, I really understand that I can start all over RIGHT NOW and what has happened before this moment is history. So I'm not discouraged by the scales... they have just confirmed for me that what I'm dealing with is serious and deserves my serious attention.
With all of this going on, it's no wonder that I'm struggling a bit.
I'm going to just sit with these feelings for a while, and when I come back to write here, I'm going to explore that I want to do from this point forward.
Thursday, May 09, 2002
Week 18
Did Better Today (But Didn't Have Fun)
OK, the day isn't exactly over for me, but I've still got a couple of points left, so I think I have had a successful day. I went to lunch with a friend, and she was like "you pick the place since you are watching what you eat" and I was like "but I don't want to be good today." And so she like suggested a steak place that has great salads, and I was like "bummer, I wanted an excuse to eat Mexican or something exciting." But after drooling over the grilled chicken sandwich with teriaki sauce which I was like "wanting to order so bad" I decided to be really good and I like "ordered the chinese chicken salad" and my friend was all like "so, that looks really good" and I was like "bummer, your drippy greasy sandwich and fries looks good to me" and I was like "do you want to order dessert?" But I didn't. I was good.
(I think I've just seen one too many Saturday Night Live reruns with David Spade and Adam Sandler in drag working in the Gap store.)
I made a good choice even though I wasn't happy about it and it wasn't any fun. But I swear to God, if this apathy and desire to chomp chomp is still here tomorrow, I'm going to order a small popcorn without butter at the movie and then take myself to dinner at my favorite Mexican restaurant and order my favorite fried thing with cream cheese, and just write off the day as a loss. Maybe that will get me out of this funk.
The thing about today is that I knew I could have ordered the chicken sandwich with fries, but if I'm going to splurge, I want it to be because I feel like splurging, not because I just don't care about anything at the moment. I thought it was important to make the tough decision today, to choose to stay with my goals, just because it was hard to do. I'm convinced that the battlefield is in the small decisions, not the big ones. It's the moments like today when I choose to do the good thing for myself that I really start to break the back of these old habits, the ones that have gotten me to where a red Ralph Lauren bath towel doesn't wrap around me.
So I supposed that today was actually a great victory day for me. The moment of challenge came, I recognized it, and I made a choice to confirm my life changes. Maybe I should just be happy with that. Maybe part of the problem is that when I'm in a funk, I think that FOOD will make me feel better. Maybe I need to figure out what I can do with the rest of my evening that will REALLY make me feel better, and I suspect it has nothing to do with my remaining points.
Did Better Today (But Didn't Have Fun)
OK, the day isn't exactly over for me, but I've still got a couple of points left, so I think I have had a successful day. I went to lunch with a friend, and she was like "you pick the place since you are watching what you eat" and I was like "but I don't want to be good today." And so she like suggested a steak place that has great salads, and I was like "bummer, I wanted an excuse to eat Mexican or something exciting." But after drooling over the grilled chicken sandwich with teriaki sauce which I was like "wanting to order so bad" I decided to be really good and I like "ordered the chinese chicken salad" and my friend was all like "so, that looks really good" and I was like "bummer, your drippy greasy sandwich and fries looks good to me" and I was like "do you want to order dessert?" But I didn't. I was good.
(I think I've just seen one too many Saturday Night Live reruns with David Spade and Adam Sandler in drag working in the Gap store.)
I made a good choice even though I wasn't happy about it and it wasn't any fun. But I swear to God, if this apathy and desire to chomp chomp is still here tomorrow, I'm going to order a small popcorn without butter at the movie and then take myself to dinner at my favorite Mexican restaurant and order my favorite fried thing with cream cheese, and just write off the day as a loss. Maybe that will get me out of this funk.
The thing about today is that I knew I could have ordered the chicken sandwich with fries, but if I'm going to splurge, I want it to be because I feel like splurging, not because I just don't care about anything at the moment. I thought it was important to make the tough decision today, to choose to stay with my goals, just because it was hard to do. I'm convinced that the battlefield is in the small decisions, not the big ones. It's the moments like today when I choose to do the good thing for myself that I really start to break the back of these old habits, the ones that have gotten me to where a red Ralph Lauren bath towel doesn't wrap around me.
So I supposed that today was actually a great victory day for me. The moment of challenge came, I recognized it, and I made a choice to confirm my life changes. Maybe I should just be happy with that. Maybe part of the problem is that when I'm in a funk, I think that FOOD will make me feel better. Maybe I need to figure out what I can do with the rest of my evening that will REALLY make me feel better, and I suspect it has nothing to do with my remaining points.
Week 18
I Blew It Today
I let my cravings get the best of me, and blew my points by 3. Not terrible, I know, but not the way to keep the scales as my friend (a friend I didn't meet with today, by the way!)
I had this urge to just chomp chomp chomp, and I picked something that wasn't horrible, but I still didn't like it. I actually thought that if I had fresh lettuce (I threw out some wilted stuff yesterday) I could have made a salad that would have been crunchy and nearly zero points. I'm going to make sure I have salad fixings on hand now that summer is here and they are not warm foods. But this restless chomping I wanted to do.. that isn't about hunger. I really want to get to the bottom of the craving, but being a realist, I'll settle for just having something harmless to chomp on.
I Blew It Today
I let my cravings get the best of me, and blew my points by 3. Not terrible, I know, but not the way to keep the scales as my friend (a friend I didn't meet with today, by the way!)
I had this urge to just chomp chomp chomp, and I picked something that wasn't horrible, but I still didn't like it. I actually thought that if I had fresh lettuce (I threw out some wilted stuff yesterday) I could have made a salad that would have been crunchy and nearly zero points. I'm going to make sure I have salad fixings on hand now that summer is here and they are not warm foods. But this restless chomping I wanted to do.. that isn't about hunger. I really want to get to the bottom of the craving, but being a realist, I'll settle for just having something harmless to chomp on.
Tuesday, May 07, 2002
Week 18
Adjusting To The Heat...
...and scales withdrawl. I have put the scales away, standing upright between the fridge and the cupboards, but I must admit I pulled them out once today just to see what they might say. I got bad news, so I immediately put them away. And I've promised myself NOT to pull them out again until Monday morning. But if I do, I'll confess it here, because I have to keep things honest.
Otherwise, I'm feeling a bit sticky and bloated today, related to the heat in my office. For those of you who go to work in air conditioned offices, even if they can't seem to get it right, be glad that someone else pays for it. Since converting to my home office several years ago, I play this little game with the air conditioning. I try to avoid putting it on until 1 June. I've never made it that far, but I try. It's mostly to save money. This place isn't very well insulated, and living in Phoenix, the utility bills in the summer can get quite high. How high? So far, my largest bill is nearly $300, and that is with the thermostat set to 82 degrees, and lining on all of the drapes. I have a new set of drapes that I have purchased new lining for, but haven't gotten to, and I've got some additional weatherstripping for two of the doors, which I plan to install this week. But basically, in the summer, I sit in my computer chair and the sweat runs off of me all day long while I drink room temperature water (because the cold stuff hurts to drink it). There is always an adjustment period when the temps start to be near 100 consistently, which is happening now. I also loose my appetite for warm foods, understandable. I've got a summer of cold cuts sandwiches and fruit soups to look forward to. And I don't mind.
I've also started my summer rituals of cold showers throughout the day. They really make a difference in my comfort level (not to mention my stink level), getting my body cooled down a bit. I'm not sure how all of these warm weather body changes will impact my weight loss, but I'm sure I will discover it over the next few weeks. I'm sure that everything is going to be fine.
Well, time to refill my water pitcher and maybe slip into the shower for a quick cool down before settling in for th evening.
Adjusting To The Heat...
...and scales withdrawl. I have put the scales away, standing upright between the fridge and the cupboards, but I must admit I pulled them out once today just to see what they might say. I got bad news, so I immediately put them away. And I've promised myself NOT to pull them out again until Monday morning. But if I do, I'll confess it here, because I have to keep things honest.
Otherwise, I'm feeling a bit sticky and bloated today, related to the heat in my office. For those of you who go to work in air conditioned offices, even if they can't seem to get it right, be glad that someone else pays for it. Since converting to my home office several years ago, I play this little game with the air conditioning. I try to avoid putting it on until 1 June. I've never made it that far, but I try. It's mostly to save money. This place isn't very well insulated, and living in Phoenix, the utility bills in the summer can get quite high. How high? So far, my largest bill is nearly $300, and that is with the thermostat set to 82 degrees, and lining on all of the drapes. I have a new set of drapes that I have purchased new lining for, but haven't gotten to, and I've got some additional weatherstripping for two of the doors, which I plan to install this week. But basically, in the summer, I sit in my computer chair and the sweat runs off of me all day long while I drink room temperature water (because the cold stuff hurts to drink it). There is always an adjustment period when the temps start to be near 100 consistently, which is happening now. I also loose my appetite for warm foods, understandable. I've got a summer of cold cuts sandwiches and fruit soups to look forward to. And I don't mind.
I've also started my summer rituals of cold showers throughout the day. They really make a difference in my comfort level (not to mention my stink level), getting my body cooled down a bit. I'm not sure how all of these warm weather body changes will impact my weight loss, but I'm sure I will discover it over the next few weeks. I'm sure that everything is going to be fine.
Well, time to refill my water pitcher and maybe slip into the shower for a quick cool down before settling in for th evening.
Monday, May 06, 2002
Week 18
I've Lost 31 pounds!
I promised myself that I was going to report my first Monday weight here, and so even though these scales said two pounds different yesterday, I'm reporting the first weigh-in this morning. It's a good loss, and really just proves that something fishy was going on last week with my weight. Overall, I'm thrilled with my progress. It's taken me a lot longer than I had hoped... I had hoped when I started to lose about 10 pound a month, but I'm grateful for the changes. I suppose that if the scales were all I cared about, I could have lost quicker because everything I was doing would have been focused on that. By focusing on being healthy, I've focused on creating a lifestyle I can live with, and that means eating things I can live with. I also know that a slow loss is more likely to be a permanent loss. So as I sit here, well aware of how much more I have to lose, and perhaps a bit impatient about that, I can take a deep breath and say "all is well with me." And that statement feels right and true.
Feeling Insecure
One of the things I've been wrestling with last week was a sense of insecurity, being scared to meet some new people. It doesn't make any sense, I know, but I felt it so strong. I know that people make judgements based on how we look, whether they mean to or not. I also know that I can't hibernate until this weight loss process is completed. I will die inside my house if I'm cut off from social contact! That can't be healthy for me. And yet the insecurity I felt was strong, something that I have been dealing with.
I surprised myself a bit because I tend to be rather a warrior with myself, and like a drill sergeant, just saying "feel the fear and do it anyway." But this time, I thought that I didn't have to push myself RIGHT THEN to make this new contact. Instead, I told the person that I was interested, but postponed the time. I did that to give myself some time to feel scared and figure out a bit what is going on. Besides, I knew that the scared feelings would pass. I thought it was more important to let myself feel them and see what journey they would take me on.
Feeling Exposed
I learned a lot about this fear, valuable information. I learned that I'm starting to feel exposed, which reinforces what I thought before... that part of the reason for the weight was to "disappear" at least in a social sense. I don't know why I wanted to disappear, but I don't feel like I have to unravel all of the mysteries of my life... I just need to understand what forces are at work inside of me now and learn how to get myself free of them. The past is the past... I want to know what I can do RIGHT NOW to be free of my self made prision. Losing the weight is part of this, and I'm learning how to do that. Not being scared of social situations is another part, and I'm exploring how I can do this, looking for answers.
I'm sure it is a good thing that I'm going through this now. I can remember the three other times that I started to lose weight, once the people around me started to comment on the weight loss in a positive way, I panicked and without making a decision, started putting the weight back on. I know this is a pattern with me. So I'm grateful this strong fear that has been with me a long time is coming up in a different situation so I can deal with it now. By the time the people around me start to notice my weight loss (no one has yet!) I want my instinct to feel PROUD of my accomplishment, and to accept their compliments with a big smile, not a "deer in the headlights" paralyzed with fear. I know I can do this!!!
Being Proud
I know that new people won't have any idea that I'm well on my way to a new package, and will make judgements about my current state. That is human nature, nothing I can do about it, and no reason to be upset with them about it. I don't want to be a person who wears my project on my sleeve... I don't want to be talking about my new healthy lifestyle with everyone I met. I want to talk about lots of other things, and may sometimes want to talk about healthy lifestyle related things. But I don't want to drive every relationship with talk about my lifestyle change! So, if I'm not going to tell new people what's up with me, how can I present myself honestly and fully? I think the answer lies in this: honestly feeling proud of myself, have a great self esteem based on what I know I'm accomplishing, and not even thinking about what other people may be thinking about me.
Maybe that is the key... maybe this fear is only created because I have been caring more about what other people think of me that what I think of me. That is a new idea, and I think that may be the key to this whole situation. I'm going to think about that some more.
I've Lost 31 pounds!
I promised myself that I was going to report my first Monday weight here, and so even though these scales said two pounds different yesterday, I'm reporting the first weigh-in this morning. It's a good loss, and really just proves that something fishy was going on last week with my weight. Overall, I'm thrilled with my progress. It's taken me a lot longer than I had hoped... I had hoped when I started to lose about 10 pound a month, but I'm grateful for the changes. I suppose that if the scales were all I cared about, I could have lost quicker because everything I was doing would have been focused on that. By focusing on being healthy, I've focused on creating a lifestyle I can live with, and that means eating things I can live with. I also know that a slow loss is more likely to be a permanent loss. So as I sit here, well aware of how much more I have to lose, and perhaps a bit impatient about that, I can take a deep breath and say "all is well with me." And that statement feels right and true.
Feeling Insecure
One of the things I've been wrestling with last week was a sense of insecurity, being scared to meet some new people. It doesn't make any sense, I know, but I felt it so strong. I know that people make judgements based on how we look, whether they mean to or not. I also know that I can't hibernate until this weight loss process is completed. I will die inside my house if I'm cut off from social contact! That can't be healthy for me. And yet the insecurity I felt was strong, something that I have been dealing with.
I surprised myself a bit because I tend to be rather a warrior with myself, and like a drill sergeant, just saying "feel the fear and do it anyway." But this time, I thought that I didn't have to push myself RIGHT THEN to make this new contact. Instead, I told the person that I was interested, but postponed the time. I did that to give myself some time to feel scared and figure out a bit what is going on. Besides, I knew that the scared feelings would pass. I thought it was more important to let myself feel them and see what journey they would take me on.
Feeling Exposed
I learned a lot about this fear, valuable information. I learned that I'm starting to feel exposed, which reinforces what I thought before... that part of the reason for the weight was to "disappear" at least in a social sense. I don't know why I wanted to disappear, but I don't feel like I have to unravel all of the mysteries of my life... I just need to understand what forces are at work inside of me now and learn how to get myself free of them. The past is the past... I want to know what I can do RIGHT NOW to be free of my self made prision. Losing the weight is part of this, and I'm learning how to do that. Not being scared of social situations is another part, and I'm exploring how I can do this, looking for answers.
I'm sure it is a good thing that I'm going through this now. I can remember the three other times that I started to lose weight, once the people around me started to comment on the weight loss in a positive way, I panicked and without making a decision, started putting the weight back on. I know this is a pattern with me. So I'm grateful this strong fear that has been with me a long time is coming up in a different situation so I can deal with it now. By the time the people around me start to notice my weight loss (no one has yet!) I want my instinct to feel PROUD of my accomplishment, and to accept their compliments with a big smile, not a "deer in the headlights" paralyzed with fear. I know I can do this!!!
Being Proud
I know that new people won't have any idea that I'm well on my way to a new package, and will make judgements about my current state. That is human nature, nothing I can do about it, and no reason to be upset with them about it. I don't want to be a person who wears my project on my sleeve... I don't want to be talking about my new healthy lifestyle with everyone I met. I want to talk about lots of other things, and may sometimes want to talk about healthy lifestyle related things. But I don't want to drive every relationship with talk about my lifestyle change! So, if I'm not going to tell new people what's up with me, how can I present myself honestly and fully? I think the answer lies in this: honestly feeling proud of myself, have a great self esteem based on what I know I'm accomplishing, and not even thinking about what other people may be thinking about me.
Maybe that is the key... maybe this fear is only created because I have been caring more about what other people think of me that what I think of me. That is a new idea, and I think that may be the key to this whole situation. I'm going to think about that some more.
Saturday, May 04, 2002
Week 18
Weighing In
Since I've had my scales, I have to admit I've got a bit wacky with them. I've been weighing myself all of the time. Of course, the fact that they are sitting in the middle of my kitchen floor only helps me to step on them all throughout the day. I'm not recording these weights, I'm experimenting. For example, I weighed myself this morning after a quick trip to the bathroom. Then later, when I realized a more prolonged bathroom trip was close, I weighed in a "before" and an "after" weight to see how much tonage I was flushing! I know, I'm silly. I also have weighed myself before eating my lunch sandwich, while holding the sandwich, and after eating it, just to see if there were unexpected changes. So far, I'm pleased to report, that MOST situations have turned out as expected. One odd results, gaining weight after a significant bowel movement, I'm going to attribute to the inaccuracy of the scales since it only measures to 1/2 pound, not the 1/10 like the meeting scales. I'm done with my experimenting phase, and I'm going to start on Monday doing my official weigh in on my own scales. That will be the number that I report here.
I told my mom this afternoon about my experiments and she thinks I've lost my mind.
I had a delicious dinner tonight, my favorite, California Pizza Kitchen's frozen Thai Chicken Pizza, which comes out to 9 points for half. I had a coke (3 points) and one ounce of potatoe chips (salt & vinegar this time instead of my usual, jalapeno) for another 3 points. I had barely eaten before this, so I had the points, but man-o-man is my tummy full now.
I've been sipping iced peppermint tea this evening as I've been sitting up here in the office, working on a client project. I hope to actually spend tomorrow out of the office, working on the drip system in my garden, replacing a few herbs that have been lost to either the heat or a failure of the drip system (must find out tomorrow), and maybe even bringing home a new houseplant or two. It should be a fun day, throwing in stops at my local T.J. Maxx and Marshalls for some fun window shopping.
I'm a regular chatty Cathy tonight. Maybe I should save some of these words for The Skinny, which is half written and waiting for me to get back to it!
Weighing In
Since I've had my scales, I have to admit I've got a bit wacky with them. I've been weighing myself all of the time. Of course, the fact that they are sitting in the middle of my kitchen floor only helps me to step on them all throughout the day. I'm not recording these weights, I'm experimenting. For example, I weighed myself this morning after a quick trip to the bathroom. Then later, when I realized a more prolonged bathroom trip was close, I weighed in a "before" and an "after" weight to see how much tonage I was flushing! I know, I'm silly. I also have weighed myself before eating my lunch sandwich, while holding the sandwich, and after eating it, just to see if there were unexpected changes. So far, I'm pleased to report, that MOST situations have turned out as expected. One odd results, gaining weight after a significant bowel movement, I'm going to attribute to the inaccuracy of the scales since it only measures to 1/2 pound, not the 1/10 like the meeting scales. I'm done with my experimenting phase, and I'm going to start on Monday doing my official weigh in on my own scales. That will be the number that I report here.
I told my mom this afternoon about my experiments and she thinks I've lost my mind.
I had a delicious dinner tonight, my favorite, California Pizza Kitchen's frozen Thai Chicken Pizza, which comes out to 9 points for half. I had a coke (3 points) and one ounce of potatoe chips (salt & vinegar this time instead of my usual, jalapeno) for another 3 points. I had barely eaten before this, so I had the points, but man-o-man is my tummy full now.
I've been sipping iced peppermint tea this evening as I've been sitting up here in the office, working on a client project. I hope to actually spend tomorrow out of the office, working on the drip system in my garden, replacing a few herbs that have been lost to either the heat or a failure of the drip system (must find out tomorrow), and maybe even bringing home a new houseplant or two. It should be a fun day, throwing in stops at my local T.J. Maxx and Marshalls for some fun window shopping.
I'm a regular chatty Cathy tonight. Maybe I should save some of these words for The Skinny, which is half written and waiting for me to get back to it!
Friday, May 03, 2002
Week 17
Scrummy New Recipe
A couple of weeks ago, I found a new cookbook that sounded great, Classic Caribbean by Rosamund Grant. One of the recipes that caught my eye was Salmon in Mango and Ginger Sauce. I fixed it for dinner tonight, and it was delicious. Pretty quick and easy, too.
Salmon in Mango and Ginger Sauce
Ingredients:
2 salmon steaks (about 10 oz each)
1/4 c lemon juice
2 garlic cloves, crushed
1 tsp tarragon leaves, ground to a powder
1 tomato, roughly chopped
1 ripe mango (about 6 oz), roughly chopped
2/3 c fish stock or water
1 tbs ginger syrup (or 1 inch ginger root, sliced thin) or (1 tbs ground ginger)
salt to taste
key lime pepper to taste (or black pepper)
Directions:
-- Place the salmon in a shallow dish and cover with the lemon juice, garlic, tarragon, salt and pepper. Cover and let marinate in the fridge for at least one hour.
-- Prepare the sauce by placing the shallots, tomato, and mango in a blender or food processor and blend until smooth. Add the fish stock (or water) and the ginger syrup, blend again, and set aside.
-- Place the marinated salmon steaks in a frying pan on medium heat and sauté for about 5 minutes on each side.
-- Add the mango sauce to the frying pan, reduce heat to simmer, and cover. Cook for about 5 minutes or until steaks are cooked through.
-- Place the steaks on the plates. Stir the sauce in the frying pan, seasoning to taste. Pour the hot sauce over the steaks and serve.
Serves: 2 Points per serving: about 7
Scrummy New Recipe
A couple of weeks ago, I found a new cookbook that sounded great, Classic Caribbean by Rosamund Grant. One of the recipes that caught my eye was Salmon in Mango and Ginger Sauce. I fixed it for dinner tonight, and it was delicious. Pretty quick and easy, too.
Salmon in Mango and Ginger Sauce
Ingredients:
2 salmon steaks (about 10 oz each)
1/4 c lemon juice
2 garlic cloves, crushed
1 tsp tarragon leaves, ground to a powder
1 tomato, roughly chopped
1 ripe mango (about 6 oz), roughly chopped
2/3 c fish stock or water
1 tbs ginger syrup (or 1 inch ginger root, sliced thin) or (1 tbs ground ginger)
salt to taste
key lime pepper to taste (or black pepper)
Directions:
-- Place the salmon in a shallow dish and cover with the lemon juice, garlic, tarragon, salt and pepper. Cover and let marinate in the fridge for at least one hour.
-- Prepare the sauce by placing the shallots, tomato, and mango in a blender or food processor and blend until smooth. Add the fish stock (or water) and the ginger syrup, blend again, and set aside.
-- Place the marinated salmon steaks in a frying pan on medium heat and sauté for about 5 minutes on each side.
-- Add the mango sauce to the frying pan, reduce heat to simmer, and cover. Cook for about 5 minutes or until steaks are cooked through.
-- Place the steaks on the plates. Stir the sauce in the frying pan, seasoning to taste. Pour the hot sauce over the steaks and serve.
Serves: 2 Points per serving: about 7
Thursday, May 02, 2002
Wednesday, May 01, 2002
Week 17
Weighing In
![Salter 9985 Glass/Silver Bathroom Scale [photo copyright Appliances.com]](http://www.appliances.com/gsc709985lar.jpg)
When I started thinking about leaving Weight Watchers meetings, I knew that I would have to buy a scales. So, I started shopping for them on the Internet. I picked out the one I wanted, one with a sleek space age design made mostly of glass. I got some prices, and decided to go shopping in the stores around me. I figured between Walmart, Kmart and Target I could find the one I wanted.
Well, today I made a huge Target run, getting light bulbs, batteries, extension cords, paper towels, dish soap... you get the idea, the essentials. I also stopped in the department where they keep scales. I didn't find the one I wanted, but I found one very similar for about half of the price. And looking over this very full cart of necessities, I made an executive decision: this one is good enough. [The photo is the one I wanted.]
So, I race home and tear out my new scales, only to discover that I get an error message. I live in this crazy place with carpeting in the bathroom. And the scale needs something completely level, so I take the scales back down to my kitchen, the only room with a smooth non-carpeted surface. And I weigh myself for the first time. The number is 3 pounds lighter than my Monday weigh in, which leads me to believe that I really didn't gain any weight! For my second executive decision of the day... I'm going to start weighing in on my new scales every Monday, and that will be my official weight for the week. That is the one that I'll be tracking here.
I am still planning to quit WW in the near future, but I want to wait until I get through this rough patch I seem to be in. I can't say that I'm really using any of the meeting resources, but at least this way I don't feel like I'm being reckless. I'm only quitting the meetings, not the program. I figure at about $50 a month, for the number of months I expect to be on it, I can save myself a lot of money. And if I ever decide that I need to return, the startup fee is small enough that I won't mind paying it if I feel the benefit is worth it.
Weighing In
When I started thinking about leaving Weight Watchers meetings, I knew that I would have to buy a scales. So, I started shopping for them on the Internet. I picked out the one I wanted, one with a sleek space age design made mostly of glass. I got some prices, and decided to go shopping in the stores around me. I figured between Walmart, Kmart and Target I could find the one I wanted.
Well, today I made a huge Target run, getting light bulbs, batteries, extension cords, paper towels, dish soap... you get the idea, the essentials. I also stopped in the department where they keep scales. I didn't find the one I wanted, but I found one very similar for about half of the price. And looking over this very full cart of necessities, I made an executive decision: this one is good enough. [The photo is the one I wanted.]
So, I race home and tear out my new scales, only to discover that I get an error message. I live in this crazy place with carpeting in the bathroom. And the scale needs something completely level, so I take the scales back down to my kitchen, the only room with a smooth non-carpeted surface. And I weigh myself for the first time. The number is 3 pounds lighter than my Monday weigh in, which leads me to believe that I really didn't gain any weight! For my second executive decision of the day... I'm going to start weighing in on my new scales every Monday, and that will be my official weight for the week. That is the one that I'll be tracking here.
I am still planning to quit WW in the near future, but I want to wait until I get through this rough patch I seem to be in. I can't say that I'm really using any of the meeting resources, but at least this way I don't feel like I'm being reckless. I'm only quitting the meetings, not the program. I figure at about $50 a month, for the number of months I expect to be on it, I can save myself a lot of money. And if I ever decide that I need to return, the startup fee is small enough that I won't mind paying it if I feel the benefit is worth it.
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